Laugh Out Loud: Hilarious Quotes for Every Occasion - Page 2
Brighten your day with a selection of humorous and funny quotes. Laugh out loud with witty and amusing insights. Page 2 provides more funny quotes.
I try to sign for as many kids as possible. Kids come first, and I'll always sign for a kid before an adult. It's funny, because I was never big into autographs as a kid. The only player who I ever wanted an autograph from was Dave Winfield.Collection: Funny
I adored the celebrity 'Bake Offs.' They have a more relaxed atmosphere. They all come on thinking they're not competitive so there's a lot of larking around, then of course they get the 'Bake Off' bug and want to win and it's funny.Collection: Funny
Racing is a funny industry. One week you can be going terrible and the next week you're on top of the world. So you just keep showing up: I keep working harder to get more opportunities, but what do you do - that's life.Collection: Funny
I've never really understood that. It's a funny thing; people sometimes accuse us of condescending to our characters somehow-that to me is kind of inexplicable.Collection: Funny
Boston is actually the capital of the world. You didn't know that? We breed smart-ass, quippy, funny people. Not that I'm one of them. I just sorta sneaked in under the radar.Collection: Funny
'Copper' is my first period piece. It's funny because I've been doing a lot of episodes of 'Elementary' with Johnny Lee Miller and Lucy Liu; they keep bringing me back on the show, and so I go from being an outstanding black doctor to being a kind of hood, ex-car thief who went through rehab in 'Elementary.'Collection: Funny
The drawings in 'Portal' were actually me scribbling that stuff... I had a funny moment when I realized that someone gotten 'The cake is a lie' tattooed on themselves. It was really interesting to see my handwriting tattooed on another human being. That... that's odd.Collection: Funny
Rapping can be repetition sometimes. Sometimes you gotta highlight your words in a certain kind of way. So I always was a fan of sing-rapping. It was always funny to me a little bit, and I think that being funny and being able to laugh, even at yourself, is a form of flattery.Collection: Funny
My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.Collection: Funny
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.Collection: Funny
Men are only as loyal as their options.Collection: Funny
You see much more of your children once they leave home.Collection: Funny
I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.Collection: Funny
The next time you have a thought... let it go.Collection: Funny
I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.Collection: Funny
When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic.Collection: Funny
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.Collection: Funny
Never have more children than you have car windows.Collection: Funny
An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.Collection: Funny
When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.Collection: Funny
Electricity is really just organized lightning.Collection: Funny
I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.Collection: Funny
People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading.Collection: Funny
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.Collection: Funny
Turn up the lights. I don't want to go home in the dark.Collection: Funny
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.Collection: Funny
I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.Collection: Funny
If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!Collection: Funny
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.Collection: Funny
We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.Collection: Funny
I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.Collection: Funny
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.Collection: Funny
I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.Collection: Funny
Progress was all right. Only it went on too long.Collection: Funny
The reward of energy, enterprise and thrift is taxes.Collection: Funny
I rant, therefore I am.Collection: Funny
If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.Collection: Funny
How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.Collection: Funny
When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine.Collection: Funny
I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.Collection: Funny
If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?Collection: Funny
All generalizations are false, including this one.Collection: Funny
I don't believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It's on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it's supposed to give you a parking space. It's worked so far.Collection: Funny
Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.Collection: Funny
When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.Collection: Funny
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.Collection: Funny
When you're eight years old nothing is your business.Collection: Funny
The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.Collection: Funny
I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.Collection: Funny