Laugh Out Loud: Hilarious Quotes for Every Occasion - Page 146
Brighten your day with a selection of humorous and funny quotes. Laugh out loud with witty and amusing insights. Page 146 provides more funny quotes.
I'm just saying, 'Hey, throw me a bone. How about a smile, cute t-shirt? Look at me.' Nothing - unless it's a turn to their friends to go, 'Hey, why is that weird guy looking at us?'Collection: Funny
I'm proud to be part of a generation where reading is a 'look.'Collection: Funny
The Japanese eat, sleep, and breathe golf; the only thing they don't do is actually play it, because to get on a course, you have to make a reservation roughly 137 years in advance, which means that by the time you actually get to the first tee you are deceased. Of course, in golf this is not really a handicap.Collection: Funny
Fortunately the boat we rented had a motor in it You will definitely want this feature on your sailboat too, because if you put up the sails, the boat tips way over, and you could spill your beer.Collection: Funny
It was not easy victory in the America Cup. Our boys spent years experimenting with different designs for their boat before they came up with the innovative idea of having a submerged nuclear submarine tow it.Collection: Funny
Nevada has a very dynamic economy, with gambling being the number-one industry, followed closely by blood donorship.Collection: Funny
You…you got rid of that dress fast," I pointed out between heavy breaths. "I thought you liked it." "I do like it," he said. His breathing was as heavy as mine. "I love it." And then he took me to the bed.Collection: Funny
There are two kinds of music; German music and bad music.Collection: Funny
What is algebra exactly; is it those three-cornered things?Collection: Funny
I think that the team that wins game five will win the series. Unless we lose game five.Collection: Funny
Hey Steve, no offense, but if you couldn't shoot, there would be no reason for you to be alive.Collection: Funny
Hakeem couldn't kick your ass cause you were too close, kissing his!Collection: Funny
It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.Collection: Funny
Here is a tip for all you young people drinking wine. With pasta, drink white wine. With steak, drink red wine. And if you're vegan, you're annoying.Collection: Funny
Sometimes I feel like I'm making a connection with a stranger, but then it turns out I'm not. Like, I was in a mall, and I saw this lady hitting her kid. So I went up to her, and I was like, "Yeah, get him!" She got all mad at me. I was like, "I'm on your side here."Collection: Funny
The thing about glitter is if you get it on you, be prepared to have it on you forever. Because glitter doesn't go away. Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies.Collection: Funny
I promised myself that if ever I had some money that I would savor a cigar each day after lunch and dinner. This is the only resolution of my youth that I have kept, and the only realized ambition which has not brought disillusion.Collection: Funny
England manufactures most of the world's airline food, as well as all the food you ever ate in your junior-high-school cafeteria.Collection: Funny
It was you readers who really came through, proving once again that when the American people decide to "get involved" in a problem, it is best not to let them have any sharp implements.Collection: Funny
I'm not saying that women don't think about sex also. I'm saying that women are capable, for at least brief periods of time, of not thinking about sex, and that most guys are not.Collection: Funny
All the shopping malls and restaurants and airports are riddled with low-fidelity loudspeakers, which apparently have developed the ability to reproduce by themselves; these are all connected to a special programming service called Music That Nobody Really Likes, and you cannot get away from it.Collection: Funny
The most valuable of all human possessions, next to a superior and disdainful air, is the reputation of being well-to-do.Collection: Funny
It's weird the way "finger puppet" sounds okay as a noun... ladies.Collection: Funny
Every fight is a food fight when youre a cannibal.Collection: Funny
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.Collection: Funny
I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.Collection: Funny
The best things in life are free. The second best are very expensive.Collection: Funny
Give a man a fire and he’s warm for a day, but set fire to him and he’s warm for the rest of his life.Collection: Funny
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.Collection: Funny
The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.Collection: Funny
Dear Karma, I have a list of people that you missed.Collection: Funny
The real trouble with reality is that there is no background music.Collection: Funny
Due to budget cuts the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.Collection: Funny
Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig.Collection: Funny
Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.Collection: Funny