Will Rogers
Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it.Collection: Finance
The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.Collection: Time
It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.Collection: Good
Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth.Collection: Learning
An economist's guess is liable to be as good as anybody else's.Collection: Business
If you can build a business up big enough, it's respectable.Collection: Business
The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other.Collection: Politics
It's not what you pay a man, but what he costs you that counts.Collection: Business
I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do.Collection: Funny
There is no more independence in politics than there is in jail.Collection: Independence
I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.Collection: Movies
The movies are the only business where you can go out front and applaud yourself.Collection: Movies
Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.Collection: Good
There's only one thing that can kill the movies, and that's education.Collection: Education
The United States never lost a war or won a conference.Collection: War
Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.Collection: Legal
Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.Collection: Wisdom
The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, 'How is the president?'Collection: Morning
Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want to impress people they don't like.Collection: Money
It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you.Collection: Government
Take the diplomacy out of war and the thing would fall flat in a week.Collection: War
If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.Collection: Funny
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.Collection: Thankful
Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.Collection: Time
If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics.Collection: Truth
Things in our country run in spite of government, not by aid of it.Collection: Government
Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth.Collection: Learning
The best way out of a difficulty is through it.Collection: Best
If you want to be successful, it's just this simple. Know what you are doing. Love what you are doing. And believe in what you are doing.Collection: Love
A fool and his money are soon elected.Collection: Money
People are getting smarter nowadays; they are letting lawyers, instead of their conscience, be their guide.Collection: Legal
You've got to go out on a limb sometimes because that's where the fruit is.Collection: Wisdom
I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies.Collection: Sports
Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else.Collection: Humor
Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need.Collection: Money
I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.Collection: Government
We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others.Collection: Equality
There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.Collection: Men
The more that learn to read the less learn how to make a living. That's one thing about a little education. It spoils you for actual work. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living.Collection: Education
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock.Collection: Art
If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.Collection: Money
Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated.Collection: Money
America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few.Collection: Education
On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.Collection: Government
You can't say civilization don't advance... in every war they kill you in a new way.Collection: War
We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business?Collection: Business
The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don't let it get the best of you.Collection: Best
Politics is applesauce.Collection: Politics
This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.Collection: Government
Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what's going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate?Collection: Government