Mark Twain
We have the best government that money can buy.Collection: Best
It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.Collection: God
India has 2,000,000 gods and worships them all. In religion, all other countries are paupers; India is the only millionaire.Collection: Religion
When in doubt tell the truth.Collection: Truth
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.Collection: Brainy
The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.Collection: Time
Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.Collection: New
If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.Collection: Morning
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.Collection: Success
The secret of getting ahead is getting started.Collection: Motivational
Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.Collection: Memorial
Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.Collection: Education
Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.Collection: Forgiveness
Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.Collection: Business
Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which, before their union, were not perceived to have any relation.Collection: Marriage
I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any.Collection: Fitness
Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.Collection: Food
All generalizations are false, including this one.Collection: Funny
Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts.Collection: Travel
Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.Collection: Work
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.Collection: Death
My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.Collection: Great
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.Collection: Intelligence
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.Collection: Health
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.Collection: Health
Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.Collection: Humor
The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.Collection: Humor
A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.Collection: Communication
I can live for two months on a good compliment.Collection: Good
Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.Collection: Fear
You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.Collection: Imagination
I never let schooling interfere with my education.Collection: Education
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.Collection: Money
It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.Collection: Courage
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.Collection: Experience
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.Collection: Good
There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.Collection: Good
Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.Collection: Truth
It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.Collection: Truth
Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.Collection: Truth
Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.Collection: Age
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.Collection: Legal
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.Collection: Age
The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.Collection: Death
Golf is a good walk spoiled.Collection: Good
Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.Collection: Age
Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.Collection: Truth
There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.Collection: Happiness
Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work.Collection: Work
God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.Collection: God