Laugh Out Loud: Hilarious Quotes for Every Occasion - Page 15
Brighten your day with a selection of humorous and funny quotes. Laugh out loud with witty and amusing insights. Page 15 provides more funny quotes.
I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier.Collection: Funny
I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.Collection: Funny
I can speak Esperanto like a native.Collection: Funny
I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.Collection: Funny
Me carrying a briefcase is like a hotdog wearing earrings.Collection: Funny
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.Collection: Funny
Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else?Collection: Funny
Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.Collection: Funny
I like children - fried.Collection: Funny
My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.Collection: Funny
You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.Collection: Funny
You can do anything with bayonets except sit on them.Collection: Funny
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.Collection: Funny
There's one thing about baldness, it's neat.Collection: Funny
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.Collection: Funny
Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.Collection: Funny
It is to be observed that 'angling' is the name given to fishing by people who can't fish.Collection: Funny
Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.Collection: Funny
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.Collection: Funny
I wish I had the nerve not to tip.Collection: Funny
What after all, is a halo? It's only one more thing to keep clean.Collection: Funny
I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.Collection: Funny
All my children inherited perfect pitch.Collection: Funny
People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.Collection: Funny
She was a handsome woman of forty-five and would remain so for many years.Collection: Funny
A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.Collection: Funny
Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?Collection: Funny
I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons.Collection: Funny
To label me an intellectual is a misunderstanding of what that is.Collection: Funny
If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.Collection: Funny
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.Collection: Funny
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.Collection: Funny
Even Napoleon had his Watergate.Collection: Funny
If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.Collection: Funny
If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?Collection: Funny
Who included me among the ranks of the human race?Collection: Funny
It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.Collection: Funny
If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.Collection: Funny
Be obscure clearly.Collection: Funny
What do I know of man's destiny? I could tell you more about radishes.Collection: Funny
A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.Collection: Funny
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.Collection: Funny
Macho does not prove mucho.Collection: Funny
Never fight an inanimate object.Collection: Funny
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.Collection: Funny
Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.Collection: Funny
All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.Collection: Funny
Never take a solemn oath. People think you mean it.Collection: Funny
If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.Collection: Funny