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P G Wodehouse Quotes

P. G. Wodehouse

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Flowers are happy things.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Gardening
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The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Funny
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Success comes to a writer as a rule, so gradually that it is always something of a shock to him to look back and realize the heights to which he has climbed.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Success
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It was my Uncle George who discovered that alcohol was a food well in advance of modern medical thought.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Medical
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To find a man's true character, play golf with him.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Sports
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Memories are like mulligatawny soup in a cheap restaurant. It is best not to stir them.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Best
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Golf... is the infallible test. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Knowledge
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Sudden success in golf is like the sudden acquisition of wealth. It is apt to unsettle and deteriorate the character.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Success
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Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Funny
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It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.
- P. G. Wodehouse
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There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
- P. G. Wodehouse
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He was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say 'when!'
- P. G. Wodehouse
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I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.
- P. G. Wodehouse
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She had a penetrating sort of laugh. Rather like a train going into a tunnel.
- P. G. Wodehouse
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I just sit at a typewriter and curse a bit.
- P. G. Wodehouse
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Has anybody ever seen a dramatic critic in the daytime? Of course not. They come out after dark, up to no good.
- P. G. Wodehouse
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Golf, like measles, should be caught young.
- P. G. Wodehouse
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Few of them were to be trusted within reach of a trowel and a pile of bricks.
- P. G. Wodehouse
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He was white and shaken, like a dry martini.
- P. G. Wodehouse
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The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows.
- P. G. Wodehouse
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I know I was writing stories when I was five. I don't know what I did before that. Just loafed I suppose.
- P. G. Wodehouse
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Every author really wants to have letters printed in the papers. Unable to make the grade, he drops down a rung of the ladder and writes novels.
- P. G. Wodehouse
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Her pupils were at once her salvation and her despair. They gave her the means of supporting life, but they made life hardly worth supporting.
- P. G. Wodehouse
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I always advise people never to give advice.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Inspirational
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As we grow older and realize more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Real
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An apple a day, if well aimed, keeps the doctor away.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Funny
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One of the drawbacks to life is that it contains moments when one is compelled to tell the truth.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Life Is
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One of the poets, whose name I cannot recall, has a passage, which I am unable at the moment to remember, in one of his works, which for the time being has slipped my mind, which hits off admirably this age-old situation.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Names
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I always strive, when I can, to spread sweetness and light. There have been several complaints about it.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Light
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It was a confusion of ideas between him and one of the lions he was hunting in Kenya that had caused A. B. Spottsworth to make the obituary column. He thought the lion was dead, and the lion thought it wasn't.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Humorous
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Some minds are like soup in a poor restaurant—better left unstirred.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Mind
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Everything in life that’s any fun, as somebody wisely observed, is either immoral, illegal or fattening.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Fun
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It was one of the dullest speeches I ever heard. The Agee woman told us for three quarters of an hour how she came to write her beastly book, when a simple apology was all that was required.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Book
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Alcohol is a misunderstood vitamin.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Drinking
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He had just about enough intelligence to open his mouth when he wanted to eat, but certainly no more.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Inspirational
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Cats, as a class, have never completely got over the snootiness caused by the fact that in ancient Egypt they were worshipped as gods. This makes them prone to set themselves up as critics and censors of the frail and erring human beings whose lot they share.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Cat
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There is no surer foundation for a beautiful friendship than a mutual taste in literature.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Friendship
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At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man, if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later seventies.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Women
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A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of one who has searched for the leak in life's gas-pipe with a lighted candle.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Depression
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He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Drunk
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She looked as if she had been poured into her clothes and had forgotten to say 'when.'
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Women
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The voice of Love seemed to call to me, but it was a wrong number.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Humorous
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Well, why do you want a political career? Have you ever been in the House of Commons and taken a good square look at the inmates? As weird a gaggle of freaks and sub-humans as was ever collected in one spot.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Taken
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Unseen in the background, Fate was quietly slipping lead into the boxing-glove.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Fate
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I'm not absolutely certain of the facts, but I rather fancy it's Shakespeare who says that it's always just when a fellow is feeling particularly braced with things in general that Fate sneaks up behind him with the bit of lead piping.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Fate
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It is no use telling me there are bad aunts and good aunts. At the core, they are all alike. Sooner or later, out pops the cloven hoof.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Aunt
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Golf is the Great Mystery.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Golf
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New York is a small place when it comes to the part of it that wakes up just as the rest is going to bed.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: New York
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Providence seems to look after the chumps of this world; and, personally, I'm all for it.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Looks
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There's a sort of wooly headed duckiness about you. If I wasn't so crazy about Marmaduke, I could really marry you Bertie.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Crazy

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