I was obsessed with being rich and famous.Collection: Famous
My dad was a ham, too. He could sell those women anything. Of all his sons, I was the only one he could trust to sell as well as he could. I was proud of that.Collection: Dad
I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church.Collection: Funny
Sandwiches are wonderful. You don't need a spoon or a plate!Collection: Food
If I ever completely lost my nervousness I would be frightened half to death.Collection: Death
The whole romantic part of my life was a wipeout. I didn't even own a belt.Collection: Romantic
I wish I had the nerve not to tip.Collection: Funny
Comedy is exaggerated realism. It can be stretched to the almost ludicrous, but it must always be believable.
I may find something that looks interesting and then go on to alter the recipe by adding spices, things of my own. I also look for time-saving recipes, dishes that can be prepared ahead and stored.
An actor shouldn't undergo psychoanalysis, because there are a lot of things you're better off not knowing.
My table seats eight, so that's my maximum. Having a small number of guests is the only way to generate good conversation. Besides, your whole house doesn't get wrecked that way.
I often go on a liquid fast a couple of days a week. I never take just water. Instead, I'll have maybe six glasses of vegetable and fruit juices a day.
When I said I didn't have a cent, I didn't. I used to get annoyed with people who said they were broke when they had five dollars.
My kitchen is not a place to live in. I made it white so I can tell instantly if it's not clean-and I like it clean enough to be able to eat off the floors-or the tables, for that matter.
I have this beautiful antique silver wine decanter that I bought at an auction. I always pour wine from that.
The dining room in my old house was truly magnificent, but by far the worst room for conversation. I'd get up from the table, a very long table, and somebody would always say, Paul, I never got to talk to you.
I don't always prepare such rich meals. Sometimes I'll just serve a simple quiche, salad and dessert for dinner. During the week I try to eat lightly.
Learning lines is on my mind until I do know them. I'll read the paper or paint the house to keep from starting to memorize. I've never found an easy way.
Politicians... talk in generalities and lies, and I think they've caused all our grief. They're so awful, they're really funny. I hate thinking this because my dad loved politics.
The doctor's name was Sylvia. I told her she'd have a problem with me because Sylvia was my mother's name.
I feel now it's useless to keep hoping. The way things are today, we live in a world that needs laughter, and I've decided if I can make people laugh, I'm making a more important contribution.
Peter Marshall: A western saddle has a curved horn on the front to hold something for the cowboy. What is it?Collection: Cowboy
Outsiders develop humor as a defense; why do you think most comedians are gay or Jewish?Collection: Gay
My body may have been abused, but it certainly hasn't been neglected.Collection: Body
As far as cookbooks go, I think Joy of Cooking is a classic. I've used it over and over again. Julia Child frustrates me. By the time you get all her herbs together, you're exhaustedCollection: Children
I'm used to living alone, and I like it that way. You become so selfish living alone...I'd make a terrible husband anyway.Collection: Husband
Women are my best friends, my best audience. If I look out from the stage and see a lot of men, I know I'm in troubleCollection: Men
My kitchen is not a place to live in. I made it white so I can tell instantly if it's not clean-and I like it clean enough to be able to eat off the floors-or the tables,for that matter.Collection: White
I cant stand those food cult people who bring their own food into the house. All those little thermoses and paper bags-it makes the other guests uncomfortable.Collection: People