Bill Hicks
It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.Collection: Funny
Women priests. Great, great. Now there's priests of both sexes I don't listen to.Collection: Women
I hate patriotism... I can't stand it. It's a round world last time I checked.Collection: Patriotism
Life is only a dream and we are the imagination of ourselves.Collection: Imagination
There is no such thing as death; life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.Collection: Death
If you're so pro-life, do me a favour: don't lock arms and block medical clinics. If you're so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries.Collection: Medical
I left in love, in laughter, and in truth, and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit.Collection: Love
We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.Collection: Death
Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.Collection: Funny
I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out.
I'm a heavy smoker. I go through two lighters a day.
Your denial is beneath you, and thanks to the use of hallucinogenic drugs, I see through you.
Watching television is like taking black spray paint to your third eye.
If you don't think drugs have done good things for us, then take all of your records, tapes and CD's and burn them.
I don't do drugs anymore... than, say, the average touring funk band.
I'm totally confused about what I'm going to do with my life.
I'm not really a heavy smoker any more. I only get through two lighters a day now.
We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution.
I began working quite young, writing, growing, maturing, always striving to top myself - to make people laugh hard at things they know and believe deep in their hearts to be true.
Music is a great energizer. It's a language everybody knows.
I get a kick out of being an outsider constantly. It allows me to be creative.
I'm sorry if any of you are Catholic. I'm not sorry if you're offended, I'm actually just sorry by the fact that you're Catholic.
I don't like anything in the mainstream and they don't like me.
Listen, the next revolution is gonna be a revolution of ideas.
As long as one person lives in darkness then it seems to be a responsibility to tell other people.
People in the United Kingdom and outside the United States share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn't share with itself.
The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they've never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people's minds, exposing them to the light.
And if I can take part in it by transforming my own consciousness, then someone else's, I'm happy to do it.
People in the U.K. share my bemusement with the United States that America doesn't share with itself. They have a sense of irony, which America doesn't have, seeing as it's being run by fundamentalists who take things literally.
Ultimately, it is in fun. It is supposed to be highly entertaining.
The American dream is a crock. Stop wanting everything. Everyone should wear jeans and have three T-shirts, eat rice and beans.
When two or more people agree on an issue, I form on the other side.
If you are living for tomorrow, you will always be one day behind.Collection: One Day
Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the Weather.Collection: Funny
This is where we are at right now, as a whole. No one is left out of the loop. We are experiencing a reality based on a thin veneer of lies and illusions. A world where greed is our God and wisdom is sin, where division is key and unity is fantasy, where the ego-driven cleverness of the mind is praised, rather than the intelligence of the heart.Collection: Lying
If you want to understand a society, take a good look at the drugs it uses. And what can this tell you about American culture? Well, look at the drugs we use. Except for pharmaceutical poison, there are essentially only two drugs that Western civilization tolerates: Caffeine from Monday to Friday to energize you enough to make you a productive member of society, and alcohol from Friday to Monday to keep you too stupid to figure out the prison that you are living in.Collection: Friday
Any organization created out of fear must create fear to survive.Collection: Organization
The world is like a ride in an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time and they begin to question: "Is this real, or is this just a ride?" And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, "Hey, don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride." And we kill those people.Collection: Life
No one can give you any answers. There aren't any. You have to discover for yourself-you must learn to navigate the mystery.Collection: Giving
I am a misanthropic humanist... Do I like people? They're great, IN THEORY.Collection: People
Don't worry; don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.Collection: Tattoo
The puppet on the right shares my beliefs, the puppet on the left is more to my liking. Hey...there's one guy holding up both!Collection: Guy
I'm an American who loves an America which doesn't exist, which is a land of freedom and free ideas.Collection: Land
It's all about money, not freedom. If you think you're free, try going somewhere without money, okay?Collection: Thinking
You know all the money we spend on nuclear weapons and defence every year? Trillions of dollars? Correct? Trillions. Instead, if we spent that money feeding and clothing the poor of the world,which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, not one, we could, as one race, explore outer space together in peace foreverCollection: Years
All governments are lying cocksuckers.Collection: Lying
I can't watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust.Collection: Funny
I'm glad mushrooms are against the law, because I took them one time, and you know what happened to me? I laid in a field of green grass for four hours going, "My God! I love everything." Yeah, now if that isn't a hazard to our country... How are we gonna justify arms dealing when we realize that we're all one?Collection: Country
And on the seventh day, god stepped back and said and said, "This is my creation, perfect in every way... oh, dammit I left all this pot all over the place. Now they'll think I want them to smoke it... Now I have to create Republicans."Collection: Thinking