Don Rickles
If I have learned anything, it is to keep my wife happy by sending her lavish gifts. Other men can learn from my success and send their wives and girlfriends fresh flowers for birthdays, anniversaries, and of course, Valentine's Day.Collection: Valentines
You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude.Collection: Attitude
Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that.Collection: Politics
I like to think I'm like the guy who goes to the office Christmas party Friday night, insults some people, but still has his job Monday morning.Collection: Christmas
I did a few movies, but the word 'star'... I cannot compare to a star like Clint Eastwood. I used to call Clint 'Larry Dickman' when he would come to my show; then, he started using the name when he would go under cover in a 'Dirty Harry' movie. That's why he's a movie star... he's so creative.Collection: Movies
You know what's funny to me? Attitude.Collection: Funny
Half the battle is that people have to like you before you say one joke, one bit of humor.Collection: Humor
I stopped smoking. But my personality I still have. I get up in the morning, and not everybody loves me, so if you want to call that a bad habit, there's that.Collection: Morning
Famous people are deceptive. Deep down, they're just regular people. Like Larry King. We've been friends for forty years. He's one of the few guys I know who's really famous. One minute he's talking to the president on his cell phone, and then the next minute he's saying to me, 'Do you think we ought to give the waiter another dollar?'Collection: Famous
Among my friends, I'm not a little Boy Scout, and they love my humor, thank God.Collection: Humor
Some people say funny things, but I say things funny.Collection: Funny
Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?Collection: Funny
I told jokes badly.
To me, the stand up part in my life is great. I know I can do that. When I get an acting chance, I'm really thrilled.
I have a problem, if the light goes on on TV and it blinks midnight, I don't know how to fix it.
Funny is funny.
I still have drive, but everything is relative.
I have to have energy because I have a lot of expenses. A couple of cars, couple of dogs and a big estate.
I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said I'd better write a book.
You lose your energy, you lose that excitement and it gets the audience up.
I'd like to think my performance is today. I never try to - it's so, as you know, watching me, I have a beginning, middle and ending. But every night the show changes and I relate to an audience and I relate to the young people.
I was always the guy - out of insecurities, I was always making fun, even as a kid.
When I got out of high school, I wanted to be an actor but was getting a lot of rejections. I was getting rejected by life. My mother, God rest her soul, told me not to quit.
My father was an insurance man and a small-time gambler. He was a good man, but he had an eye for the racehorses, and I saw how it used to bother my mother. I've never gambled a dime. Never, in all those years in Vegas.
I always say, when you're onstage you can't please everybody. I'm sure there are people who may not take to what I do, but that's okay. Thank God the majority are in my corner.
I call myself an actor. I always wanted to be one.
I write my own tweets.
If something strikes me as funny, I'll put it in my performance.
I've been to Philadelphia a lot of times over the years, playing the old Celebrity Room and most of the other clubs around there that don't exist anymore.
Sinatra was somebody special.
Asians are nice people, but they burn a lot of shirts.
To this day, when I say that I went to the American Academy, people are very impressed. The reputation of the school has always been fantastic.
Compared to what some of the young comics use for material today, I'm a priest.
In the 45 years I've worked in casinos, I dreamed of being honored by an organization like the American Gaming Association, especially since I don't even have a hunting license.
I ride a recumbent bike for half an hour every day.
I've never had a written script.
I was 28 when my father died, and I was an only child.
My wife came into my life, and my mother still wanted to be the boss.
I'm not one of those guys who wants to die on a stage.
I want to be a dog, but I'm a pussycat.
The average person pushes an elevator button 6 or 7 minutes before realizing it's not working. I did a study on this, you know.
The man I adored, and miss him terribly, was Johnny Carson.
I have a wonderful road manager, and he travels with me. And my valet and friend travels with me. My little entourage is great, and they take good care of me.
When you first start out with something new, you're always a little uptight.
Bob Newhart, who is my best friend, is one of the guys I adore.
You've got to be able to sell yourself.
Even when I was in high school and the Navy, I was the guy who could rip somebody, and they'd laugh at it.
No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you.
I don't care if the average guy on the street really knows what I'm like, as long as he knows I'm not really a mean, vicious guy. My friends and family know what I'm really like. That's what's important.
After I graduated, I tried Broadway, which was difficult for me. It was tough to get a part on Broadway, so I just started talking to audiences at different social gatherings, and little by little I became Don Rickles - whatever that is.