Robin Williams
A lot of vets like 'Good Morning Vietnam' - I get great letters from guys.Collection: Morning
I bought one of the first Nintendo systems and brought that home, and we were playing 'Legend of Zelda' at the time, and it was addicting, and I was playing it for hours and hours and hours.Collection: Home
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.Collection: Women
The bad thing about being a famous comedian is that every now and then someone approaches me to tell an old joke. Don't tell me jokes - I have that. People also say the weirdest things, sometimes sarcastic things, and even evil things. They like to provoke to get a reaction.Collection: Famous
Carpe per diem - seize the check.Collection: Business
No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.Collection: Inspirational
Sometimes over things that I did, movies that didn't turn out very well - you go, 'Why did you do that?' But in the end, I can't regret them because I met amazing people. There was always something that was worth it.Collection: Movies
Okra is the closest thing to nylon I've ever eaten. It's like they bred cotton with a green bean. Okra, tastes like snot. The more you cook it, the more it turns into string.Collection: Food
The idea of having a steady job is appealing.Collection: Work
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.Collection: Imagination
Do I perform sometimes in a manic style? Yes. Am I manic all the time? No. Do I get sad? Oh yeah. Does it hit me hard? Oh yeah.Collection: Sad
When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?Collection: Family
I do believe in love; it's wonderful - especially love third time around, it's even more precious; it's kind of amazing.Collection: Amazing
The essential truth is that sometimes you're worried that they'll find out it's a fluke, that you don't really have it. You've lost the muse or - the worst dread - you never had it at all. I went through all that madness early on.Collection: Truth
I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.Collection: Alone
I write on big yellow legal pads - ideas in outline form when I'm doing stand-up and stuff. It's vivid that way. I can't type it into an iPad - I think that would put a filter into the process.Collection: Legal
For me, comedy starts as a spew, a kind of explosion, and then you sculpt it from there, if at all. It comes out of a deeper, darker side. Maybe it comes from anger, because I'm outraged by cruel absurdities, the hypocrisy that exists everywhere, even within yourself, where it's hardest to see.Collection: Anger
I started doing comedy because that was the only stage that I could find. It was the pure idea of being on stage. That was the only thing that interested me, along with learning the craft and working, and just being in productions with people.Collection: Learning
Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial, it just doesn't work!Collection: Business
When Jonathan Winters died, it was like, 'Oh, man!' I knew he was frail, but I always thought he was going to last longer. I knew him as being really funny, but at the same time, he had a dark side.Collection: Funny
Divorce is expensive. I used to joke they were going to call it 'all the money,' but they changed it to 'alimony.' It's ripping your heart out through your wallet.Collection: Money
If Heaven exists, to know that there's laughter, that would be a great thing.Collection: Great
People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House.Collection: Politics
Spring is nature's way of saying, 'Let's party!'Collection: Nature
I basically started performing for my mother, going, 'Love me!' What drives you to perform is the need for that primal connection. When I was little, my mother was funny with me, and I started to be charming and funny for her, and I learned that by being entertaining, you make a connection with another person.Collection: Funny
My style is bad white-boy dancing. I can do swing a little bit, but nothing beyond that. My solo dancing is sad. I use my arms, badly.Collection: Sad
I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out.Collection: Women
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?Collection: Funny
I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.Collection: Funny
Being in the same room with people and creating something together is a good thing.Collection: Good
If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?Collection: Funny
Canada is like a loft apartment over a really great party.Collection: Great
Politics is so personal, vicious and immediate, how are you going to get anything done? Even the local politics where I live have gotten so ugly.Collection: Politics
What's right is what's left if you do everything else wrong.
Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.
Comedy can be a cathartic way to deal with personal trauma.
The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'
Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.
Reality: What a concept!
A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills - no, no. They'd make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while.
You have this idea that you'd better keep working otherwise people will forget. And that was dangerous.
I love kids, but they are a tough audience.
Comedy is acting out optimism.
I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... a large Arctic region covered with ice.
The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.
The improv, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, but when it does, it's like open-field running.
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
I left school and couldn't find acting work, so I started going to clubs where you could do stand-up. I've always improvised, and stand-up was this great release. All of a sudden, it was just me and the audience.
In the process of looking for comedy, you have to be deeply honest. And in doing that, you'll find out here's the other side. You'll be looking under the rock occasionally for the laughter.