Top Humorous Quotes Collection - Page 3

Discover a curated collection of Humorous quotes. Find inspiration, motivation, and wisdom from the best quotes in this category. Page 3 provides more Humorous quotes.

Image of Stephen Boss
It's been part of my signature to incorporate my humor with my dance, or even just how I'm feeling. If I'm feeling humorous, which I am, most of the day, I tend to incorporate that. If I'm dancing freestyle, if I feel like I've gotten too serious, while I'm moving, I'll think, "All right, it's time to lighten up a little bit," and I do. It just feels good.
- Stephen Boss
Collection: Humorous
Image of Douglas Adams
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
- Douglas Adams
Collection: Humorous
Image of Heidi Julavits
I can't even tell you what else I imagined. I can only humiliate myself to such a degree; at a certain point it becomes humorous, and this story is not meant to be humorous. This story is meant to winch your ribs open and tamper with your heart. This story is meant to make you realize that your chances of happiness in this world are terribly slim if you lack a fine imagination.
- Heidi Julavits
Collection: Humorous
Image of Timothy Leary
Acid is not for every brain .... Only the healthy, happy, wholesome, handsome, hopeful, humorous, high-velocity should seek these experiences. This elitism is totally self-determined. Unless you are self-confident, self-directed, self-selected, please abstain.
- Timothy Leary
Collection: Humorous
Image of Tom Lehrer
Disclaimer: If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared to not only retract it, but also to deny under oath I ever said it.
- Tom Lehrer
Collection: Humorous
Image of John Tilbury
Experimental music scores are enigmatic, opaque, demanding, irritating, humorous, childlike; the best, like Cardew's Treatise, are also inspiring, giving rise, on occasion, to a music of vitality, intelligence and elegance.
- John Tilbury
Collection: Humorous
Image of Jeane Kirkpatrick
Democrats can't get elected unless things get worse-and things won't get worse unless they get elected.
- Jeane Kirkpatrick
Collection: Humorous
Image of Remi Aubuchon
What we're going for, in those humorous moments, is the absurdity of it all. The craziness of the night manager offering them an umbrella in the height of what is a horrible disaster was like, "What?!" That's Andy Greenfield, and he nailed the audition. He's the sweetest guy in the world, as is often the case with those guys, but on camera, he's so creepy that a lot of us kept saying, "You know, Andy, don't look at us like that anymore, okay? You're scaring us."
- Remi Aubuchon
Collection: Humorous
Image of Fernando Perez
It's often pointed out that in Cuban cinema there are too many comedies, but a sense of humor is so much part of the Cuban idiosyncrasy. Curiously, the films that have been censored the most have been humorous.
- Fernando Perez
Collection: Humorous
Image of Lee Klein
Considering that "literary fiction" is a sub-genre that's not quite the same as "literature," either, it follows that the short, semi-humorous bits posted online for all to see are something absolutely other, uniquely themselves compared to canonical short stories, for example, and so it'd probably be best to call it something other than "online lit" since I honestly think very little of it can compare to so-called "literature."
- Lee Klein
Collection: Humorous
Image of Kevin Keck
Not every story lends itself tonally to humor, so you have to navigate that territory properly. You can put a humorous spin on anything, really, if you know what you're doing, but it's not always desirable to have your reader laughing on every page.
- Kevin Keck
Collection: Humorous
Image of Niccolo Machiavelli
Entrepreneurs are simply those who understand that there is little difference between obstacle and opportunity and are able to turn both to their advantage.
- Niccolo Machiavelli
Collection: Humorous
Image of Bill Watterson
Who was the guy who first looked at a cow and said 'I think I’ll drink whatever comes out of these when I squeeze ’em?
- Bill Watterson
Collection: Humorous
Image of Oscar Wilde
He hadn’t a single redeeming vice.
- Oscar Wilde
Collection: Humorous
Image of Dorothy Parker
The ladies men admire, I've heard, Would shudder at a wicked word. Their candle gives a single light, They'd rather stay at home at night. They do not keep awake 'till three, Nor read erotic poetry. They never sanction the impure, Nor recognize an overture. They shrink from powders and from paints... So far I've had no complaints.
- Dorothy Parker
Collection: Humorous
Image of Jim Rohn
In leadership we teach we teach;Don't send your ducks to eagle school because it wont help.Ducks finishes eagle school,sees his first rabbit, makes him a friend.
- Jim Rohn
Collection: Humorous
Image of P. G. Wodehouse
It looked something like a pen wiper and something like a piece of hearth-rug. A second and keener inspection revealed it as a Pekinese puppy.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Humorous
Image of Erma Bombeck
One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.
- Erma Bombeck
Collection: Humorous
Image of Kami Garcia
You're so full of crap, you could pass for a toilet.
- Kami Garcia
Collection: Humorous
Image of Ronald Reagan
Well, I would - if they realized that we - again if - if we led them back to that stalemate only because our retaliatory power, our seconds, or strike at them after our first strike, would be so destructive they they couldn't afford it, that would hold them off.
- Ronald Reagan
Collection: Humorous
Image of Ronald Reagan
Eighty percent of air pollution comes from plants and trees.
- Ronald Reagan
Collection: Humorous
Image of Will Rogers
The difference between a Republican and a Democrat is that the Democrat is a cannibal, they live off each other, while the Republicans live off the Democrats.
- Will Rogers
Collection: Humorous
Image of Mark Twain
But soft you, the fair Ophelia: Ope not thy ponderous and marble jaws, But get thee to a nunnery - go!
- Mark Twain
Collection: Humorous
Image of Tom Robbins
As expected, you get his machine. Someday, even the "call of nature" will be answered by a machine.
- Tom Robbins
Collection: Humorous
Image of Jon Stewart
For me it was just exciting to see fake news catching on like that. We don't you know, it's interesting. I think we don't make things up. We just distill it to, hopefully, its most humorous nugget. And in that sense it seems faked and skewed just because we don't have to be subjective or pretend to be objective. We can just put it out there.
- Jon Stewart
Collection: Humorous
Image of Ashleigh Brilliant
All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power.
- Ashleigh Brilliant
Collection: Humorous
Image of Robin Williams
Now you can't even carry a nail clipper on a plane. Are they afraid you're going to go..."All right! Give me the plane or the b*tch loses her cuticle." ?
- Robin Williams
Collection: Humorous
Image of Mark Twain
I'm pushing 60 years of age...and that's enough exercise for me.
- Mark Twain
Collection: Humorous
Image of Frank Sinatra
[Answering the phone] Hello, this is a recording, you've dialed the right number, now hang up and don't do it again.
- Frank Sinatra
Collection: Humorous
Image of Jim Rohn
Sometimes those who need it the most are inclined the least.
- Jim Rohn
Collection: Humorous
Image of Matt    Chandler
Many of the things that stifle growth are morally neutral. They're not bad things. Facebook is not bad. Television and movies are not bad. I enjoy TV, but it doesn't take long for me to begin to find humorous on TV what the Lord finds heartbreaking.
- Matt Chandler
Collection: Humorous
Image of Jerry Seinfeld
I wish I was a phone machine. I wish if I saw somebody on the street I didn't want to talk to I could just go, "Excuse me, I'm not here right now, If you just leave a message, I can walk away."
- Jerry Seinfeld
Collection: Humorous
Image of Mark Twain
There are several kinds of stories, but only one difficult kind-the humorous.
- Mark Twain
Collection: Humorous
Image of Alan Perlis
Because of its vitality, the computing field is always in desperate need of new cliches: Banality soothes our nerves.
- Alan Perlis
Collection: Humorous
Image of Alison Bechdel
I do sometimes miss doing that lighter, more humorous work, and I find there's a heavier responsibility that goes along with a literary reputation. You have to start knowing what you're talking about and you have to go have public conversations with writers. That's been pretty intense; I have to really stay on top of things in a way I didn't before.
- Alison Bechdel
Collection: Humorous
Image of David Ogilvy
There is one catagory of advertising which is totally uncontrolled and flagrantly dishonest: the television commercials for candidates in Presidential elections.
- David Ogilvy
Collection: Humorous
Image of Milton Berle
It's rough to go through life with your contents looking as if they settled during shipping.
- Milton Berle
Collection: Humorous
Image of Harold Pinter
When you lead a life of scholarship you can't be bothered with the humorous realities, you know, tits, that kind of thing.
- Harold Pinter
Collection: Humorous
Image of Cynthia Heimel
I remember the day we were hanging around the band's commune and Roger came in with the press kit for a rock band (Moby Grape) any of us had ever seen. It looked psychedelic, yet it was done by ad people. I believe the word "hype" was coined on that very day.
- Cynthia Heimel
Collection: Humorous
Image of Ashleigh Brilliant
My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating.
- Ashleigh Brilliant
Collection: Humorous
Image of Flann O'Brien
I suppose we all have our recollections of our earlier holidays, all bristling with horror.
- Flann O'Brien
Collection: Humorous
Image of Maggie Stiefvater
Thery're both iron, isn't that funny?" "Funny haha or funny strange?" James handed them back to me "Funny 'occult'" "Ah. Funny strange" James looked at me sternly, "Don't start that. I'm supposed to be the humorous one
- Maggie Stiefvater
Collection: Humorous
Image of Christopher Moore
This story is not and never was meant to challenge anyone's faith; however, if one's faith can be shaken by stories in a humorous novel, one may have a bit more praying to do.
- Christopher Moore
Collection: Humorous
Image of Stephenie Meyer
Hey, Rosalie? Do you know how to drown a blonde? Stick a mirror to the bottom of a pool.
- Stephenie Meyer
Collection: Humorous
Image of Hunter S. Thompson
He had that rare weird electricity about him - that extremely wild and heavy presence that you only see in a person who has abandoned all hope of ever behaving normally.
- Hunter S. Thompson
Collection: Humorous
Image of Ambrose Bierce
Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.
- Ambrose Bierce
Collection: Humorous
Image of Mark Twain
There are no grades of vanity; there are only grades of ability in concealing it.
- Mark Twain
Collection: Humorous
Image of Terry Pratchett
Five exclamation marks: the sure sign of an insane mind.
- Terry Pratchett
Collection: Humorous
Image of P. G. Wodehouse
He was a long, stripy policeman, who flowed out of his uniform at odd spots, as if Nature, setting out to make a constable, had had a good deal of material left over which she had not liked to throw away but hardly seemed able to fit into the general scheme.
- P. G. Wodehouse
Collection: Humorous