Dorothy Parker
Of course I talk to myself. I like a good speaker, and I appreciate an intelligent audience.Collection: Intelligent
The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.Collection: Funny
Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.Collection: Birthday
I like to have a martini/Two at the very most/After three I'm under the table/After four I'm under my host.Collection: Drinking
If you want to know what God thinks about money, just look at the people He gives it to.Collection: Funny
If you don't have anything nice to say, come sit by me.Collection: Nice
Creativity is a wild mind and a disciplined eye.Collection: Creativity
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?Collection: Funny
Never throw mud: you can miss the target, but your hands will remain dirty.Collection: Dirty
The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.Collection: Morning
You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.Collection: Funny
If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second-greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first-greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they're happy.Collection: Friendship
The only dependable law of life - everything is always worse than you thought it was going to be.Collection: Law
Years are only garments, and you either wear them with style all your life, or else you go dowdy to the grave.Collection: Years
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.Collection: Humorous
Honesty means nothing until you are tested under circumstances where you are sure you could get away with dishonesty.Collection: Honesty
You can't teach an old dogma new tricks.Collection: Dogma
He is a writer for the ages, the ages of four to eight.Collection: Funny
Q: What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone? A: You can't hear an enzyme.Collection: Differences
If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.Collection: Sex
That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.Collection: Death
I hate almost all rich people, but I think I’d be darling at it.Collection: Hate
If all the young ladies who attended the Yale promenade dance were laid end to end, no one would be the least surprised.Collection: Sex
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.Collection: Heterosexuality Is
This is me apologizing. I am a fool, a bird-brain, a liar and a horse-thief. I wouldn't touch a superlative again with an umbrella.Collection: Horse
[On hearing that President Coolidge was dead:] How can you tell?Collection: President
All I say is, nobody has any business to go around looking like a horse and behaving as if it were all right. You don't catch horses going around looking like people, do you?Collection: Horse
Little Words When you are gone, there is nor bloom nor leaf, Nor singing sea at night, nor silver birds; And I can only stare, and shape my grief In little words. I cannot conjure loveliness, to drown The bitter woe that racks my cords apart. The weary pen that sets my sorrow down Feeds at my heart. There is no mercy in the shifting year, No beauty wraps me tenderly about. I turn to little words- so you, my dear, Can spell them out.Collection: Grief
She was pleased to have him come and never sorry to see him go.Collection: Sex
There must be courage; there must be no awe. There must be criticism, for humor, to my mind, is encapsulated in criticism. There must be a disciplined eye and a wild mind...There must be a magnificent disregard of your reader, for if he cannot follow you, there is nothing you can do about it.Collection: Eye
Mrs. Ewing was a short woman who accepted the obligation borne by so many short women to make up in vivacity what they lack in number of inches from the ground.Collection: Numbers
Guns aren't lawful; nooses give; gas smells awful. So you might as well live.Collection: Suicide
Art is a form of catharsis emotional release, purging, cleansing, purifying.Collection: Art
Oh, seek, my love, your newer way; I'll not be left in sorrow. So long as I have yesterday, Go take your damned tomorrow!Collection: Yesterday
ridicule may be a shield, but it is not a weapon.Collection: May
At birth the Devil touched my tongue.Collection: Devil
The ladies men admire, I've heard, Would shudder at a wicked word. Their candle gives a single light, They'd rather stay at home at night. They do not keep awake 'till three, Nor read erotic poetry. They never sanction the impure, Nor recognize an overture. They shrink from powders and from paints... So far I've had no complaints.Collection: Humorous
A list of authors who have made themselves most beloved and therefore, most comfortable financially, shows that it is our national joy to mistake for the first-rate, the fecund rate.Collection: Mistake
As I was saying to the landlord only this morning: 'You can't have everything'.Collection: Morning
It costs me never a stab nor squirm / To tread by chance upon a worm. / Aha, my little dear, / I say, Your clan will pay me back one day.Collection: Death
[On an actor who'd broken her leg in London:] Oh, how terrible. She must have done it sliding down a barrister.Collection: Broken
Her mind lives tidily, apart from cold and noise and pain. And bolts the door against her heart, out wailing in the rain.Collection: Pain
Should they whisper false of you, Never trouble to deny; Should the words they say be true, Weep and storm and say they lie.Collection: Lying
The sweeter the apple, the blacker the core. Scratch a lover and find a foe!Collection: Love
Sorrow is tranquility remembered in emotion.Collection: Sorrow
Pictures pass me in long review,-- Marching columns of dead events. I was tender, and, often, true; Ever a prey to coincidence. Always knew I the consequence; Always saw what the end would be. We're as Nature has made us -- hence I loved them until they loved me.Collection: Long
Once, when I was young and true. Someone left me sad - Broke my brittle heart in two; And that is very bad. Love is for unlucky folk, Love is but a curse. Once there was a heart I broke; And that, I think, is worse.Collection: Heartbreak
Excuse me, everybody, I have to go to the bathroom. I really have to telephone, but I'm too embarrassed to say so.Collection: Telephones
Hollywood money isn't money. It's congealed snow, melts in your hand, and there you are.Collection: Money