Ambrose Bierce
Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.Collection: Jealousy
What this country needs what every country needs occasionally is a good hard bloody war to revive the vice of patriotism on which its existence as a nation depends.Collection: War
Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.Collection: Wedding
Experience - the wisdom that enables us to recognise in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.Collection: Experience
The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.Collection: Business
Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining profit without individual responsibility.Collection: Business
Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.Collection: Beauty
Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth - two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.Collection: Age
Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.Collection: Marriage
Wit - the salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.Collection: Humor
To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.Collection: Future
Learning, n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.Collection: Learning
Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.Collection: Famous
Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.Collection: Patriotism
War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.Collection: God
In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.Collection: Intelligence
Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.Collection: Legal
When you doubt, abstain.Collection: Wisdom
Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be ashamed of.Collection: Women
Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.Collection: Marriage
Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.Collection: Art
Vote: the instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.Collection: Power
Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.Collection: Time
Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.Collection: Religion
Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.Collection: Patience
Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.Collection: Failure
Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.Collection: Future
To be positive is to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.Collection: Positive
Who never doubted, never half believed. Where doubt is, there truth is - it is her shadow.Collection: Truth
Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.Collection: Death
Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.Collection: Politics
Conservative, n: A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from the Liberal who wishes to replace them with others.Collection: Politics
Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.Collection: Experience
Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.Collection: Nature
Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.Collection: Medical
Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.Collection: Education
Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.Collection: Mom
Inventor: A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and believes it civilization.Collection: Technology
Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.Collection: Nature
Liberty: One of Imagination's most precious possessions.Collection: Imagination
Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.Collection: Success
History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.Collection: History
Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.Collection: Art
Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.Collection: Happiness
Meekness: Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.Collection: Patience
Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things without parallel.Collection: Knowledge
Insurance - an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.Collection: Chance
Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.Collection: Success
Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.Collection: Independence
The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up.Collection: Best