Laugh Out Loud: Hilarious Quotes for Every Occasion - Page 8
Brighten your day with a selection of humorous and funny quotes. Laugh out loud with witty and amusing insights. Page 8 provides more funny quotes.
I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.Collection: Funny
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.Collection: Funny
O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.Collection: Funny
Progress is man's ability to complicate simplicity.Collection: Funny
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.Collection: Funny
I love mankind; it's people I can't stand.Collection: Funny
Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.Collection: Funny
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.Collection: Funny
The first day one is a guest, the second a burden, and the third a pest.Collection: Funny
I have an unfortunate personality.Collection: Funny
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.Collection: Funny
Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.Collection: Funny
He was like a cock who thought the sun had risen to hear him crow.Collection: Funny
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.Collection: Funny
If at first you don't succeed, find out if the loser gets anything.Collection: Funny
My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.Collection: Funny
Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?Collection: Funny
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house with the conscious design of doing me good, I should run for my life.Collection: Funny
I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it.Collection: Funny
Reality continues to ruin my life.Collection: Funny
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.Collection: Funny
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.Collection: Funny
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.Collection: Funny
Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.Collection: Funny
I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.Collection: Funny
I own and operate a ferocious ego.Collection: Funny
Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you; she is after your barn.Collection: Funny
A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.Collection: Funny
Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement.Collection: Funny
The superfluous, a very necessary thing.Collection: Funny
To be or not to be. That's not really a question.Collection: Funny
The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder.Collection: Funny
After all is said and done, sit down.Collection: Funny
Society is like a stew. If you don't stir it up every once in a while then a layer of scum floats to the top.Collection: Funny
What I like about the jokes, to me it's a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won't be funny.Collection: Funny
It's funny; recently I've started to notice people's impersonations of me, and it's basically like a hyperactive child.Collection: Funny
It's funny, but no matter how good an artist is, it's not until he stands on his own two feet and sticks to his guns that things are going to come together.Collection: Funny
Experience is a funny thing. You don't always have it when you need it.Collection: Funny
In the early days, Jerry was an antagonist, which was arguably his best casting. 'The King's' quick wit is perfectly suited to be an antagonist, but at the same time, he's so funny that it is hard to hate Jerry Lawler as the villain - especially at this stage of his long career.Collection: Funny
It is funny that men who are supposed to be scientific cannot get themselves to realise the basic principle of physics, that action and reaction are equal and opposite, that when you persecute people you always rouse them to be strong and stronger.Collection: Funny
I basically started performing for my mother, going, 'Love me!' What drives you to perform is the need for that primal connection. When I was little, my mother was funny with me, and I started to be charming and funny for her, and I learned that by being entertaining, you make a connection with another person.Collection: Funny
I used to be very funny, but I used it all up in my characters.Collection: Funny
It's so funny, because right now I'm very tired and my brains a little dead, I tend to get very focused and serious. So, I'm probably coming off a lot more like Scully right now.Collection: Funny
I don't want to be the one to break it to you, but the future ain't that funny.Collection: Funny
Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying them without money?Collection: Funny
It's funny in the U.K., where I'm not really known because I never did a soap. My English cousins in the Lake District think I'm not a real actor because they've never seen me in 'Home and Away' or 'Neighbours.'Collection: Funny
When I started out, everyone seemed to be adopting these names... Johnny Rotten, Sid Vicious. I wasn't really Rotten or Vicious or Nasty, so I wanted something a bit more funny - yet something that seemed real rock 'n' roll... something that acknowledged my ambition.Collection: Funny
I was reading some books by Michel Houellebecq, and the first thing that comes to mind is that they're really funny, all the ways they describe the most depressing things.Collection: Funny
Comedy is still alive, and there are still funny people. Jews are still overrepresented in comedy and psychiatry and underrepresented in the priesthood. That immigrant Jewish humor is still with us.Collection: Funny