Robin Williams
The idea of the industrial fishing affects everyone. Those factory ships play this game of hit and run with the international fishing limits, and somebody said it's like hunting squirrels with a bulldozer. They pull everything in and they are only looking for certain types of fish and everything else dies and they just throw it back. It's like chumming.Collection: Running
I'm looking for Miss Right, or at least Miss Right NowCollection: Inspiration
It's that idea that you can have one drink - and no you can't. Within a week I was drinking heavily. It was so quick that even I was like, 'Wow.' Because you have that initial warm feeling going, 'Oh, I remember this'. And your body does, too. And your body goes, 'Yeah, so do I'. Then the demon voice comes, 'Yeah, so do I. You know what would be great? You know we bought a little bottle before? A full bottle would be wonderful'.Collection: Suicide
Three wishes - no substitutes, exchanges or refundsCollection: Inspiration
I feel like I'm a big human snot.Collection: Bigs
I've never had a "hankering" to direct. I can perform, but I can't write on that level. I tend to go off on tangents. Directing also requires a kind of specificity and I don't have it.Collection: Writing
I love running cross-country...You come up a hill and see two deer going, 'What the hell is he doing?' On a track I feel like a hamster.Collection: Running
You have this idea that you'd better keep working otherwise people will forget. And that was dangerous. And then you realize, no, actually if you take a break people might be more interested in you.Collection: Inspirational
Women are wonderful. They're amazing creatures. You can never learn enough! They're addicting in the most amazing sense.Collection: Wonderful
Jamie Kilstein is amazing and I will be spreading the word. He has the spark that energized my conscience. We need more comedians kicking it hard the way he does every nightCollection: Night
I was an only child. I did have kind of like a lonely existence.Collection: Lonely
We have a president for whom English is a second language. He's like 'We have to get rid of dictators,' but he's pretty much one himself.Collection: Funny
The little idiosyncrasies that only I know about: that's what made her my wife. Oh she had the goods on me too, she knew all my little peccadilloes. People call these things imperfections, but they're not. Ah, that's the good stuff!Collection: People
Don't mess with me, man, I'm a lawyer!Collection: Men
A Pentagon official once said the people who would actually push the button probably have never seen a person die. He said the only hope -and it's a strange thought - is if they put the button to launch the nuclear war behind a man's heart. The President, then, with a rusty knife, would have to cut out the man's heart, kill the man, to get to the button.Collection: War
"It's just literally being afraid. And you think, oh, [the alcohol] will ease the fear. And it doesn't." What was he afraid of? "Everything. It's just a general all-round arggghhh. It's fearfulness and anxiety." He added, "For that first week you lie to yourself, and tell yourself you can stop, and then your body kicks back and says, no, stop later. And then it took about three years, and finally you do stop."Collection: Suicide
The world is open for play, that everything and everybody is mockable, in a wonderful way.Collection: Play
I love to ride my bike, which is great aerobics, but also just a great time for me to think, so it's like this terrific double bill.Collection: Thinking
It doesn't matter who you are, if you've got the legs, you can hang with them.Collection: Legs
After my training wheels, my first real bike was a Schwinn, and my first time out, I rode down a hill, didn’t know how to stop, and ran right into a tree. So, that was a nice experience ... like realizing, oh, there are brakes!Collection: Inspirational
People would say I never censor. As Billy Crystal says, 'I don't have that button.'Collection: People
Even evangelicals realize that Pinocchio's father was a carpenter too. That's the old joke.Collection: Father
We're dealing with fundamentalists... the Amish are fundamentalists, but they don't try and hijack a carriage at needlepoint. And, if you're ever in Amish country and you see a man with his hand buried in a horse's ass, that's a mechanic. Remember that.Collection: Country
Gradual school is where you go to school and you gradually find out you don't want to go to school anymore.Collection: School
All the new people you meet, it's pretty amazing. The vampire needs new blood. And there is still a lot to learn and there is always great stuff out there. Even mistakes can be wonderful.Collection: Mistake
A lot of celebrities golf because they want to be away. For them it's a chance to get away and be peaceful. For me it's peaceful to ride [cycling].Collection: Golf
Honey, you [Michael Jackson] gotta pick a race first. All of a sudden you're a black man, then you're Diana Ross, now you're Audrey Hepburn. Then he's got the little beard going on. He's like Lord of the Rings, the entire cast. Michael's about to jump species.Collection: Men
Comedy is there to basically show us we fart, we laugh, to make us realize we still are part animal.Collection: Animal
But if there's love, dear... those are the ties that bind, and you'll have a family in your heart, forever.Collection: Philosophy
Things that I see in the future. I see... it could be quite incredible if we can master a few problems, like the air and the water thing might be nice. I see governments dissolving these barriers are all falling down for economic reasons. They're all so interbound.Collection: Nice
If you don't keep pushing the limits, you wake up one day and you're the "center square to block."Collection: Block
I have no desire to go anywhere near drugs. People say, "Aren't you tempted?" No, because of the ridiculousness of it.Collection: People
I've always improvised, and stand-up was this great release. All of a sudden, it was just me and the audience.Collection: Comedy
Look at airport security now. What started out as definite racial profiling is now where the computer picks a name. That's why you get a seven-month-old getting a pat down. [Imitates a security officer.] "Check the diapers. They're full."Collection: Funny
It's five o'clock in the morning. You've just pissed on a dumpster. It's Miller time.Collection: Morning
The French don't have a baseball team. And if they did, there'd only be a left field, and no one would be safe.Collection: Baseball
When I'm riding my bicycle I feel like a Buddhist who is happy just to enjoy his mundane existenceCollection: Buddhist
I thought I was fooling people. But it's the old thing of 'they say vodka doesn't smell'. No, not until you sweat. And you just lie and lie and you think 'I can deal with this'. And then you finally go, 'No you can't'. And then you give up.Collection: Suicide
We are surrounded by a lot of failed ecosystems; the moon being one, Mars, Venus. Theres evidence of water on Mars and rivers and it didnt take. Also, we have planets to guard us like Jupiter and Saturn that take the hits of the comets. It is miraculous that we exist on this planet, that it took.Collection: Moon
You appreciate little things, like walks on the beach with a defibrillator.Collection: Beach
Shooting in New York is the shiznit, if I may be so bold. It was great. New York is a character. People who live here know that.Collection: New York
Terrible wars have been fought where millions have died for one idea - freedom. And it seems that something that means so much to so many people would be worth having.Collection: War
There's no question this is where I want to live. Never has been.Collection: San Francisco
You're still young. Being a true loser takes years of inaptitudeCollection: Inspiration
I'm a very tolerant man, except when it comes to holding a grudge.Collection: Philosophy
Being alone onstage is like legalized insanity.Collection: Insanity
You have an internal critic, an internal drive that says, 'OK, you can do more.' Maybe that's what keeps you going.Collection: Critics
Women! Can't live with 'em, can't live with 'em!Collection: Ems
We were talking briefly about cocaine... yeah. Anything that makes you paranoid and impotent, give me more of that!Collection: Funny