Josh Billings
It is a statistical fact that the wicked work harder to reach hell than the righteous do to enter heavenCollection: Clever
My advice to those who are about to begin, in earnest, the journey of life, is to take their heart in one hand and a club in the other.Collection: Funny
The quickest way to take the starch out of someone who is always blaming himself is to agree with him.Collection: Way
What is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul I suppose this depends somewhat upon the size of the soul. I think there are cases where the trade would do.Collection: Wise
It's not so hard to get rich as it is to know when you have gotten rich.Collection: Humor
Good nonsense is good sense in disguise.Collection: Nonsense
There are only two qualities in the world: efficiency and inefficiency; and only two sorts of people: the efficient and the inefficient.Collection: Two
Human happiness konsists in having what yu want, and wanting what yu have.Collection: Happiness
Fashion makes fools of some, sinners of others, and slaves of all.Collection: Fashion
There is a significant Latin proverb; to wit: Who will guard the guards?Collection: Latin
It is true that wealth won't make a man virtuous, but I notice there ain't anybody who wants to be poor just for the purpose of being good.Collection: Wise
There never yet was a mother who taught her child to be an infidel.Collection: Mother
Shame is the dying embers of virtue.Collection: Dying
Pedigrees seldom improve by age; the grandson is too often a weak infringement on the grandsire's parent.Collection: Parent
Too many individuals are like Shakespeare's definition of "echo,"--babbling gossips of the air.Collection: Echoes
Poverty is the step-mother of genius.Collection: Mother
A secret ceases to be a secret if it is once confided - it is like a dollar bill, once broken, it is never a dollar again.Collection: Broken
A man cannot learn to be wise any more than he can learn to be handsome.Collection: Wise
We have some writers so abstruse and deep that they drown themselves in their fathomless sentences.Collection: Writing
Pity costs nothing, and it ain't worth nothing.Collection: Cost
Suicide is cheating the doctor out of job.Collection: Suicide
Successful writers learn at last what they should learn at first,--to be intelligently simple.Collection: Successful
It is not much trouble to doctor sick folks, but to doctor healthy ones is troublesome.Collection: Doctors
Building air castles is a harmless business as long as you don't attempt to live in them.Collection: Business
Biography is the best form of history.Collection: Biographies
The highest philosophers, in explaining the mystery of this world, are obliged to call in the aid of another.Collection: World
It is easy to assume a habit; but when you try to cast it off, it will take skin and all.Collection: Addiction
Jealousy is one of love's parasites.Collection: Jealousy
We are ap tu hate them, who wont take our advice, and despise them who do.Collection: Hate
Adam invented love at first sight, one of the greatest labor-saving machines the world ever saw.Collection: Love
In the whole history of the world there is but one thing that money cannot buy...to wit--the wag of a dog's tail.Collection: Dog
Experience is a grindstone; and it is lucky for us, if we can get brightened by it, and not ground.Collection: Inspirational
The books are balanced in heaven, not here.Collection: Book
Prejudice is a house-plant which is very apt to wilt if you take it out-of-doors among folks.Collection: Doors
It's not what we don't know that prevents us from succeeding; it's what we know that just ain't so that is our greatest obstacle.Collection: Succeed
Take the selfishness out of this world and there would be more happiness than we should know what to do with.Collection: Selfishness
Debt is like any other trap, easy enough to get into, but hard enough to get out of.Collection: Debt
Silence is said to be golden, but the best fools the world has ever produced had nothing to say on the subjectCollection: Silence
Common sense is an instinct given to man and enough of it is genius. Smartness is measured by the level of common sense one has, not by how much educated or knowledgeable he is.Collection: Men
There is only one good substitute for the endearments of a sister, and that is the endearments of some other fellow's sister.Collection: Substitutes
There is no passion of the human heart that promises so much and pays so little as revenge.Collection: Revenge
There is a sort of charm in ugliness, if the person has some redeeming qualities and is only ugly enough.Collection: Quality
The time to pray is not when we are in a tight spot but just as soon as we get out of it.Collection: Time
The fools in this world make about as much trouble as the wicked do.Collection: Wicked
Man is my brother, and I am nearer related to him through his vices than I am through his virtue.Collection: Brother
Advice is like castor oil — easy enough to give but dreadful hard to take.Collection: Funny
A witty writer is like a porcupine; his quill makes no distinction between friend and foe.Collection: Witty
The hardest thing any man can do is to fall down on the ice when it's slippery, and get up and praise the Lord.Collection: Fall
I hold that a man has as much right to spell a word as it is pronounced as he has to pronounce it the way it ain't spelled.Collection: Men