Eoin Colfer
(to Foaly) Captain Short's life is in danger, so push the button before I climb that tower and push it with your face!Collection: Buttons
No, mademoiselle, I would not like to see the children's menu. I have no doubt that the children's menu itself tastes better than the meals on it. I would like to order à la carte. Or don't you serve fish to minors?Collection: Children
Connor Broekhart was born to fly, or more accurately he was born flying.Collection: Flying
I'm right there with you, darlin'. Unless you step on a landmine, in which case I'm way back in the Operations Room.Collection: Fowl
It would take less than a second for you to die. But that's quite long enough to be in mortal agony, don't you think?Collection: Thinking
My bugs don't have bugs.Collection: Bugs
Look at those two. Wasting time. You wouldn't catch me doing that.Collection: Two
how does she know it's the right room?' wondered Descant. Oh, I don't know; mabye it's the magical red glow coming from the doorway, or perhaps it's the deafening howl of the temporal winds.' said Mervall. Descant nodded.'You could be right, brother. And don't think I don't know sarcasm when I hear it.Collection: Brother
Maybe I’ll keep you.” Abbot chuckled and prodded Artemis’s back with his sword. “It’d be nice to have a pet human around. I could teach you tricks.” “I have a trick for you,” said Artemis, and he fired a single blast from the gun.Collection: Nice
I wear a name tag to help people find me. It saves time when you're dealing with idiots.Collection: Names
Satan was crouched in the corner of his office, playing a gameboy, 'Die alien scum' he was saying feverishly.Collection: Office
Genius inspires resentment. A sad fact of life.Collection: Inspire
I want you to know, my dear friend, that without you, I would not be the person I am today." He leaned in close and whispered, "I was a broken boy, and you fixed me. Thank you.Collection: Boys
Holly walked rapidly into the cockpit, strapping herself into the pilot's chair. "Seven and a half hours to save the world. Isn’t there some law that says we get at least twenty-four?" Artemis strapped himself into the co-pilot's chair. "I don't think Opal bothers with laws.Collection: Thinking
Butler could kill you a hundred different ways without use of his armoury. Though I'm sure one would be quite sufficient.Collection: Different
Look!" said Foaly, pointing with some urgency into the vast steel-gray gloom, "Someone who cares!Collection: Who Cares
Radomosity, thought Artemis. And he felt like weeping.Collection: Artemis
We're being lead by an idiot with a crayon.Collection: Idiot
If I win, I'm a prodigy. If I lose, then I'm crazy. That's the way history is written.Collection: Crazy
It's like learning to ride a unicorn. You never forget.Collection: Fowl
And I will not be beaten by that jackass." "Jackass?" said Foaly, wounded. "My favorite uncle is a jackass.Collection: Uncles
Good. Illegal is always faster.Collection: Crime
(about his terrible attempt at making a sandwich) It's more difficult than it looks. (Artemis Fowl)Collection: Looks
I don't like lollipops.Collection: Lollipop
You know, Miss Holly, you look very dramatic like that, backlit by the fire. Very attractive, if I may say so. I know you shared a moment passionne with Artemis which he subsequently fouled up with his typical boorish behavior. Let me just throw something out there for you to consider while we're chasing the probe: I share Artemis's passion but not his boorishness. No pressure; just think about it. This was enough to elicit a deafening moment of silence even in the middle of a crisis, which Orion seemed to be blissfully unaffected by.Collection: Passion
She can't afford to commit more troops,' Holly whispered. 'The gate is her priority, and she needs to have as many Berserkers watching her back as possible. We are secondary at this point.' 'That will be her undoing,' Artemis gasped, already suffering under the weight of the flak jacket. 'Artemis Fowl will never be secondary.' 'I thought you were Artemis Fowl the Second?' said Holly.Collection: Priorities
Sometimes plans don't translate smoothly from paper to real life.Collection: Real
And one more thing. About my name — Artemis — you were right. In London, it is generally a female name, after the Greek goddess of archery. But every now and then a male comes along with such a talent for hunting that he earns the right to use the name. I am that male. Artemis the hunter. I hunted you.Collection: Hunting
Artemis: (shocked) Why, Doctor? This is a sensitive area. For all you know I could be suffering from depression. Doctor Po: I suppose you could. Is that the case? Artemis: (head in hands) It's my mother, Doctor. Doctor Po: Yes? Artemis: My mother, she... Doctor Po: Your mother, yes? Artemis: She forces me to endure this ridiculous therapy when the school's so-called counsellors are little better than misguided do-gooders with degrees.Collection: Mother
Let us proceed under the assumption that the fairy folk do exist, and that I am not a gibbering moron.Collection: Life
There is always a use for everything, Victor had told him. Even pain.Collection: Pain
I feel like Alice falling into Wonderland. A line came to him: It would be so nice if something made sense for a change.Collection: Nice
They have gone. And the tunnel is about to close. So, boys, I am looking for someone to blame.Collection: Boys
Don't you worry about that, Mr. Adamsson. Why don't you head back to Reykjavik and spend some of that extortionate fee you charged me for a couple of hours' usage of your frankly third-rate restaurant and perhaps find a friendless tree stump to listen to your woes?Collection: Couple
Don't try to understand me, just be grateful that you felt the warmth of Zaphod Beeblebrox's aura on your wonderstruck face.Collection: Grateful
Really, I'm trying to care, Artemis, really. But I thought it was all supposed to be over when the fat lady sings. Well, she's singing, but it doesn't appear to be overCollection: Singing
Wait," said Butler. "Just wait, Holly. Artemis has a plan." He squinted through the green dome. "What is your plan, Artemis?" All Artemis could do was smile and shrug.Collection: Waiting
...I just pulled a pretty big job and needed to hide out for awhile." "...Where's all the loot?" "That, as my cousin Nord would say, is where my improvised lie falls apart." Artemis put two and two together and arrived at a very unpleasant four. "You were here to rob me!" "No, I wasn't. How dare you?!Collection: Cousin
He knew that Dr. Argon would advise him against bottling up his emotions as it would lead to psychological scarring in the long term.Collection: Long
Hey, if you can't remember, don't worry about it. I'm having a few memory problems myself in this place. Little things like how long I've been here, what my purpose in life is, which feet to put my shoes on. Stuff like that.Collection: Memories
Caballine likes me to be masterful. She calls me her stallion.Collection: Likes
Miss me? Bet you did ... so would I.Collection: Missing
Ma was using her for-company voice. Sweet on the outside but with an underlying death threat.Collection: Sweet
In spite of what youngsters think, parents do not get a sneaky thrill out of punishing their children.Collection: Children
The two of them went down in a heap, with not even a turkey to break their fall.Collection: Fall
Sounded like girls. Mixed feelings on that score. He didn't despise them with the same passion he used to. In fact, Benny suspected that there would come a time in the not-too-distant future when he might develop a mysterious interest in them.Collection: Girl
Artemis: I am not buoyed by that. Foaly: You are not supposed to be buoyed by that. You are supposed to be equalized. Mulch: I'm pretty sure that both of you just made really horrible jokes. But I'm not sure because I think you broke my funny bone.Collection: Thinking
Vinyaya was being openly antagonistic, and that was an emotion that could be trusted, unless of course it was a bluff and the commander was a secret fan of his, unless it was a double bluff and she really did feel antagonistic.Collection: Secret
Can we please focus? We are supposed to be professionals." Holly said. "Not me!" said Orion cheerily, "I'm just a Teenager with hormones running wild and may I say, young fairy lady, they're running wild in your direction.Collection: Running