Woody Allen
Is world peace possible or is the human race too innately aggressive? For instance: Have you ever seen women at a sample sale?Collection: Race
Have you ever noticed that good people sleep better, but bad people seem to have more fun when they're awake?Collection: Fun
The great roe is a mythological beast with the head of a lion and the body of a lion, though not the same lion.Collection: Excellence
In perpetrating a revolution, there are two requirements: someone or something to revolt against and someone to actually show up and do the revolting. Dress is usually casual and both parties may be flexible about time and place, but if either faction fails to attend, the whole enterprise is likely to come off badly.Collection: Party
I would not like to live in the past because you don't get anesthetic when you go to the dentist. You don't get antibiotics. You don't get the things that you are used to now, cell phones and televisions and things that are very convenient. You don't want that. But, it would be fun if you could, every now and then, just meet a friend for lunch at Maxim's in Paris in 1900, or go back to 1870 just for a couple of hours, take a walk in the park, and then come right back to Broadway.Collection: Couple
Years ago I was on television having a discussion with Billy Graham about atheism. He was saying, even if you're right and I'm wrong, and there's nothing after, I will have had a better life than you, because I do believe there was something. And I couldn't argue with that, even though I wanted to.Collection: Believe
Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing 'Embraceable You' in spats.Collection: Summer
Regarding love what can you say? It's not the quantity of your sexual relations that counts. It's the quality. On the other hand if the quantity drops below once every eight months, I would definitely look into it.Collection: Hands
Fantasy is seductive and much more wonderful than reality, but you can't take it to the bank. It's always an escape. And if used as an escape, as in attending a movie or a show for a circumscribed period of time, it's fine. When it starts to become undifferentiated from reality, it leads to big trouble.Collection: Reality
You can be with your wife, very happily married, and then you meet some woman and you love her. But you love your wife, too. And you also love that one. Or if she's met some man and she loves the man and she loves you. And then you meet somebody else and now there are three of you. Why only one person?Collection: Love You
The meaning of life is that nobody knows the meaning of life.Collection: Meaning Of Life
Marriage? That's for life! It's like cement!Collection: Marriage
I don't like theatrical actors and actresses. I like people that talk like real human beings.Collection: Real
Pale, nervous girls with black-rimmed glasses and blunt-cut hair lolled around on sofas, riffling Penguin Classics provocatively. [...] But it wasn’t just intellectual experiences—they were peddling emotional ones, too. For fifty bucks, I learned, you could “relate without getting close.” For a hundred, a girl would lend you her Bartok records, have dinner, and then let you watch while she had an anxiety attack.Collection: Girl
This is my perspective and has always been my perspective on life: I have a very grim, pessimistic view of it. I always have, since I was a little boy. It hasn't gotten worse with age or anything. I do feel that it's a grim, painful, nightmarish, meaningless experience, and that the only way that you can be happy is if you tell yourself some lies and deceive yourself.Collection: Lying
There have been times when I've thought about it - but with my luck it would probably turn out to be only a temporary solution.Collection: Suicidal
If I could change the structure of existence I would do it. I could see a better way to live for everybody.Collection: Way
Whosoever loveth wisdom is righteous, but he that keepeth company with fowl is weird.Collection: Love
If I just got up in the morning and had no place to go and was retired or something, I would be sitting there and be thinking, "Gee, what is the purpose of life? Why are we all finite? Why do we get old and die? Is there nothing out there? Why is it so tragic? Why do our loved ones perish? Why do we generate?" Who wants to think about that stuff?Collection: Morning
End production today. Wrap party as usual a little sad. Slow danced with Scarlett. Broke her toe. Not my fault. When she dipped me back, I stepped on it. Penélope [Cruz] and Javier [Bardem] anxious to work with me again. Said if I ever come up with another screenplay to try and find them. Goodbye drink with Rebecca [Hall]. Sentimental moment. Everyone in cast and crew chipped in and bought me a ballpoint pen.Collection: Goodbye
For some reason I've always had an irrational love for New York. There's no reason that you would necessarily like it on paper. It's very expensive.Collection: New York
I see no advantages in aging whatsoever. You become shriveled. You become decrepit. You lose your faculties. Your peer group passes away. You sit in a room gumming your porridge. I don't see any advantage in this whatsoever.Collection: Passing Away
I'm a comedian. I make comic films and there are certain ideas that occur to me that are comic, with heavy, serious undertones. There are some ideas that are more frivolous to me. The next idea that could occur to me could be comedy about death and famine or something.Collection: Ideas
When you write the script, you're home in a room by yourself, and you're writing, and there's no connection with the real performing world. So you get a lot of things wrong and make a lot of mistakes and make a lot of bad choices.Collection: Real
In life, one is entitled to a side dish of either coleslaw or potato salad, and the choice must be made in terror, with the knowledge that not only is our time on earth limited but most kitchens close at ten.Collection: Choices
All my life is passing in front of my eyes. The worst part of it is I'm driving a used car.Collection: Eye
Maugham then offers the greatest advice anyone could give to a young author: "At the end of an interrogation sentence, place a question mark. You'd be surprised how effective it can be."Collection: Giving
Last year I had difficulty with my income tax. I tried to take my analyst off as a business deduction. The Government said it was entertainment. We compromised finally and made it a religious contribution.Collection: Religious
See, I never gain an ounce, because, you know, my anxiety acts like aerobics.Collection: Anxiety
No matter what the shrinks, or the pundits, or the self-help books tell you, when it comes to love, it's luck.Collection: Love
God is silent. Now if only man would shut up.Collection: God
You mellow too much you ripen and rot.Collection: Maturity
Dear Mom and Dad, Leave $50,000 in a bag under the bridge on Decatur Street. If there is no bridge on Decatur Street, please build one.Collection: Mom
I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage is being able to make a right turn on a red light.Collection: Moving
Anything worth knowing cannot be understood by the human mind.Collection: Knowing
There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions." Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.Collection: Loneliness
I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers and they are going to make a game out of it.Collection: Funny
Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down.Collection: Movie Love
The wicked at heart probably know something.Collection: Witty
If man were immortal, do you realize what his meat bills would be?Collection: Men
[The universe is] haphazard, morally neutral, and unimaginably violent.Collection: Violent
I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland.Collection: Witty
I'm a nice person! I have healthy life drives and goals! I don't drink, I don't smoke. I would never force myself sexually on a blind person!Collection: Nice
I heard that Commentary and Dissent had merged and formed Dysenery.Collection: Annie Hall
I am plagued by doubts.Collection: Doubt
What' s the matter with me? Why can't I be cool?Collection: Matter
When you are dead, it is hard to find the light switch.Collection: Light
he's a genius, she's a genius, wow, you know alot of geniuses, you should meet some stupid people sometime, you might learn somethingCollection: Witty
I was a nervous child, I was a bedwetter. I used to sleep with an electric blanket and I was constantly electrocuting myself.Collection: Funny