Will Rogers
One Ad is worth more to a paper than forty Editorials.
There ought to be one day - just one - when there is open season on senators.
Last year we said, 'Things can't go on like this', and they didn't, they got worse.
Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches.
If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do on advertising then they wouldn't have to advertise them.
A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods while the policeman searches you.
When should a college athlete turn pro? Not until he has earned all he can in college as an amateur.
If the other fellow sells cheaper than you, it is called dumping. 'Course, if you sell cheaper than him, that's mass production.
So let's be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way.
Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing, and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even.
The schools ain't what they used to be and never was.
Now if there is one thing that we do worse than any other nation, it is try and manage somebody else's affairs.
I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat.
Democrats never agree on anything, that's why they're Democrats. If they agreed with each other, they would be Republicans.
This thing of being a hero, about the main thing to it is to know when to die.
The time to save is now. When a dog gets a bone, he doesn't go out and make a down payment on a bigger bone. He buries the one he's got.
America is a nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but it can think of nothing to do once it gets there.
In Hollywood you can see things at night that are fast enough to be in the Olympics in the day time.
When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do well, that's Memoirs.
Anything important is never left to the vote of the people. We only get to vote on some man; we never get to vote on what he is to do.
One-third of the people in the United States promote, while the other two-thirds provide.
After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him... The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.Collection: Inspiration
There are men running governments who shouldn't be allowed to play with matches.Collection: Running
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.Collection: Funny
Democrats are the only reason to vote for RepublicansCollection: Voting
The man who never makes a mistake must get tired of doing nothing.Collection: Mistake
The short memories of the American voters is what keeps our politicians in office.Collection: Memories
I would love to see Mr. (Henry) Ford in there, really. I don't know who started the idea that a President must be a Politician instead of a Business man. A Politician can't run any other kind of business. So there is no reason why he can run the U.S. That's the biggest single business in the World.Collection: Running
I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.Collection: Inspirational
If America ever passes out as a great nation, we ought to put on our tombstone: America died from a delusion she had Moral Leadership.Collection: Tombstone
You never get a second chance to make a first impression.Collection: Inspirational
The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming backCollection: Witty
The problem in America isn't so much what people don't know; the problem is what people think they know that just ain't so.Collection: Thinking
We always want the best man to win an election. Unfortunately, he never runs.Collection: Running
There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.Collection: Funny
Sometimes people deserve a high five, in the face, with a chair.Collection: Funny
America has the best politicians money can buy.Collection: America
The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.Collection: Funny
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know “why” I look this way. I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.Collection: Birthday
I see a good deal of talk from Washington about lowering taxes-I hope they do get 'em lowered enough so people can afford to pay 'emCollection: Inspiration
Congress is deadlocked and can’t act.Collection: Congress
Some guy invented Vitamin A out of a carrot. I'll bet he can't invent a good meal out of one.Collection: Food
The high income tax come pretty near passing in the Senate. Only lacked about six votes. So it won't be long now. Well, there is millions and millions that are not making it, that would be glad to give up 99 per cent if you would let 'em earn a hundred thousand or more.Collection: Giving Up
This thing about getting rid of a man in the Cabinet is all right, but there is one bad feature to it that few people realize. That is, that unfortunately every one of them is replaced by someone else. If it wasn't for that, this resignation business would be great.Collection: Men
See what will happen if you don't stop biting your fingernailsCollection: Inspiration
Americans are getting like a Ford car, they all have the same exact parts, the same upholstering and make exactly the same noises.Collection: Car
There is one thing about Englishmen, they won't fix anything till it's just about totally ruined. You couldn't get the English to fix anything at the start. No! They like to sit and watch it grow worse. Then, when it just looks like the whole thing has gone up Salt Creek, why, the English jump in and rescue it.Collection: Watches
It's the greatest game I ever saw. You can't lose. Everybody buys to sell and nobody buys to keep. What's worrying me is who is going to be the last owner. It's just like an auction; the only one stuck is the last one.Collection: Real
Cities are like gentlemen, they are born, not made. You are either a city, or you are not, size has nothing to do with it. I bet San Francisco was a city from the very first time it had a dozen settlers. New York is "Yokel", but San Francisco is "City at Heart".Collection: New York