Will Rogers
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.Collection: Life
I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.Collection: Funny
Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.Collection: Education
A man only learns in two ways, one by reading, and the other by association with smarter people.Collection: Learning
Do the best you can, and don't take life too serious.Collection: Best
A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.Collection: Truth
Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising and they wouldn't have to advertise it.Collection: Money
Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it... You take diplomacy out of war, and the thing would fall flat in a week.Collection: War
I have a scheme for stopping war. It's this - no nation is allowed to enter a war till they have paid for the last one.Collection: War
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.Collection: Government
Don't let yesterday use up too much of today.
Worrying is like paying on a debt that may never come due.
It isn't what we don't know that gives us trouble, it's what we know that ain't so.
Buy land. They ain't making any more of the stuff.
Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke.
The farmer has to be an optimist or he wouldn't still be a farmer.
All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip.
People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.
We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and applaud when they go by.
Things ain't what they used to be and never were.
People's minds are changed through observation and not through argument.
When the Oakies left Oklahoma and moved to California, it raised the I.Q. of both states.
The income tax has made liars out of more Americans than golf.
There is nothing so stupid as the educated man if you get him off the thing he was educated in.
About all I can say for the United States Senate is that it opens with a prayer and closes with an investigation.
An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.
The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them.
The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see His way clear to bless the Republican Party the way it's been carrying on, then the rest of us ought to get it without even asking.
What the country needs is dirtier fingernails and cleaner minds.
Even though you are on the right track - you will get run over if you just sit there.
A difference of opinion is what makes horse racing and missionaries.
Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.
Get someone else to blow your horn and the sound will carry twice as far.
When ignorance gets started it knows no bounds.
Never let yesterday use up too much of today.
The only way you can beat the lawyers is to die with nothing.
Communism to me is one-third practice and two-thirds explanation.
An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out.
Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators.
I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him 'father.'
Chaotic action is preferable to orderly inaction.
The fellow that can only see a week ahead is always the popular fellow, for he is looking with the crowd. But the one that can see years ahead, he has a telescope but he can't make anybody believe that he has it.
The difference between a Republican and a Democrat is the Democrat is a cannibal they have to live off each other, while the Republicans, why, they live off the Democrats.
Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.
I read about eight newspapers in a day. When I'm in a town with only one newspaper, I read it eight times.
In Hollywood the woods are full of people that learned to write but evidently can't read. If they could read their stuff, they'd stop writing.
Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on earth.