Prince Philip
The bastards murdered half my family.Collection: Dukes
If you travel as much as we do, you appreciate the improvements in aircraft design of less noise and more comfort - provided you don't travel in something called economy class, which sounds ghastly.Collection: Class
It's no use saying do this, do that, don't do that ... it's very easy when children want something to say no immediately. I think it's quite important not to give an unequivocal answer at once. Much better to think it over. Then, if you eventually say no, I think they really accept it.Collection: Children
Young people are the same as they always were. They are just as ignorant.Collection: Funny
You're not wearing mink knickers,are you?Collection: Edinburgh
There are always twenty excellent reasons for doing nothing for every one reason for starting anything-especially if it has never been done before.Collection: Twenties
British women can't cook.Collection: Funny
Tolerance is the one essential ingredient ... You can take it from me that the Queen has the quality of tolerance in abundance.Collection: Queens
You have mosquitoes. I have the Press.Collection: Mosquitoes
You could do with losing a little bit of weight.Collection: Weight
Oh no, I might catch some ghastly disease.Collection: Disease
Do you work in a strip club?Collection: Clubs
I thought it was against the law for a woman to solicit.Collection: Law
Anyone who is concerned about his dignity would be well advised to keep away from horses.Collection: Horse
Books are certainly old fashioned, but only people with a very limited perception are silly enough to condemn ideas because of their age. It is, of course, equally silly to condemn the new fangled simply because it is strange.Collection: Silly
Wildlife of the world is disappearing, not because of a malicious and deliberate policy of slaughter and extermination, but simply because of a general and widespread ignorance and neglect.Collection: Nature
There is nothing like it for morale to be reminded that the years are passing - ever more quickly - and that bits are dropping off the ancient frame. But it is nice to be remembered at all.Collection: Nice
All money nowadays seems to be produced with a natural homing instinct for the Treasury.Collection: Business
It is an old cliche to say that the future is in the hands of the young. This is no longer true. The quality of life to be enjoyed or the existence to be survived by our children and future generations is in our hands now.Collection: Children
"It looks as though it was put in by an Indian." He later backtracked: "I meant to say cowboys."Collection: Cowboy
Do you know they have eating dogs for the anorexic now?Collection: Dog
Aren't most of you descended from pirates?Collection: Inspiration
You look like you're ready for bed!Collection: Dukes
We live in what virtually amounts to a museum - which does not happen to a lot of people.Collection: Museums
Ah, you're the one who wrote the letter. So you can write then.Collection: Writing
The world population 60 years ago was just over 2 billion and it's now more than 6 billion. This huge increase - an explosion really - has probably done more harm to the environment than anything else.Collection: Years
If a cricketer suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, are you going to ban cricket bats?Collection: School
It looks like the kind of thing my daughter would bring back from school art lessons.Collection: Daughter
What about Tom Jones? He's made a million and he's a bloody awful singer.Collection: Singers
We didn't have counsellors rushing around every time somebody let off a gun. You just got on with it!Collection: Gun
They're not mating are they?Collection: Classic
I never see any home cooking - all I get is fancy stuff.Collection: Funny
Only a Scotsman can really survive a Scottish education.Collection: Classic
It doesn't look like much work goes on at this university.Collection: Looks
So this is feminist corner then.Collection: Feminist
You were playing your instruments? Or do you have tape recorders under your seats?Collection: Tape
Who is going to be the first to face up to the need for self-restraint in the number of children brought into the world?Collection: Children
Cats kill far more birds than men. Why don't you have a slogan: 'Kill a cat and save a bird?'Collection: Cat