Honestly, I would eat cardboard rather than go back to eating animals.Collection: Animal
You have to have funny faces and words, you can't just have words. It is a powerful thing, and I think that's why it's hard for people to imagine that women can do that, be that powerful.Collection: Funny
I talked to Beyonce and she wants to learn how to speak Arabic and she wants to jump out of an airplane. I don't want to do that. I just don't want to wash my hair every day.Collection: Airplane
I don't really ever live my life in fear. I really live my life in gratitude and feeling positive for the most part.Collection: Gratitude
I think gender plays a part in most things, but I don't know how it would be different because I've never been a man. And my fame is different from Nicole Kidman's or Sharon Stone's. I think everybody's fame is different.Collection: Men
I think there's a whole bunch of things that go along with being a girl. You're not supposed to have opinions or be tough or strong. You're supposed to be soft and vulnerable, and I find those qualities important in both men and women.Collection: Girl
It`s hard when paparazzi are photographing every single thing you do. I'm sure a lot of people made mistakes - they just were not documented the way they are now.Collection: Mistake
I think people need to laugh everyday. Whether the economy is good or bad, I think the most important thing is to laugh and to feel positive, if you are laughing at something positive. But if you are laughing at mean jokes then it's a wash.Collection: Mean
I like sitting at outdoor restaurants; it would be nice to go someplace on the street and not worry about somebody taking my picture while I'm about to take a bite of something.Collection: Nice
I get my dance moves from just moving around and listening to music and not really worrying about if it's perfect or not.Collection: Moving
I have the picture of Barack [Obama] and me dancing right outside of my dressing room door, I see it every single day, and it makes me very happy.Collection: Doors
I always worry when someone's a good golfer. It's like you shouldn't have time to be good at anything. You should just be a politician and you shouldn't have time to practice golf.Collection: Golf
There's always time to do things that you're passionate about. ... If my name helps get something out there that I believe in then I am going to produce it. ... Design is really my true love.Collection: Believe
It's a lot of work to put a brand-new monologue and a brand-new show on the air and find comedy every single day. It's challenging and it's the hardest thing I have ever done, but it's the best-suited thing for me. The more relaxed I get and the more confident I feel, the more I get to play and be myself...Collection: Challenges
I want people to like me - but not at my expense. I just learned that there are too many people who are going to have an opinion about me whether I am kind to them or not. I can't control what they're feeling. I am not a yeller and I don't have a temper, but I do want people to do their best. And if someone is a friend and I see that they're doing stuff that is not helping them grow, I will make it a point to talk to them about it.Collection: People
You know, if you're going to be honest with yourself, you have to admit that you go into show business wanting people to talk about you and wanting everyone to know who you are. But that also means there are going to be a whole bunch of people who don't like you. No matter who you are. I'm sure there's somebody out there who doesn't like Betty White because she's short and has white hair.Collection: Mean
I had done a sitcom and a movie and hosted the Emmys, and all of a sudden, I lost everything. As someone put it at the time, I was suddenly like a Ferrari in neutral.Collection: Ferrari
I would rather be the good aunt who never says anything bad and lets the parents discipline the child.Collection: Children
It would be horrible to live with someone who didn't like the same things you like.Collection: Would Be
I watch people's behavior and notice things. I think that's why I became a comedian. I notice how stupid the things we do are.Collection: Stupid
Sometimes something being taken away from you is exactly what you need to take a look at yourself.Collection: Taken
Standup is more me talking the entire time. There's definitely an exchange of energy because that room, that audience, is giving back.Collection: Talking
I don't consider myself an interviewer as much as an entertainer.Collection: Entertainers
It's so much better for me to do a talk show. You still have that energy of the audience, and the audience is just as important as that guest that's sitting next to me. It's not about me and that guest exchanging energy and talking. It's about everything that's going on in that room, and they're as much a part of the show as anything. I like this better than anything I've ever done.Collection: Talking
Meditation is helping me learn to sit still. Twenty minutes of meditation in the morning is a nice way to start my day. If you can actually sit still and really get to that place of silence, you realize what's important and what's not important. Little things don't usually get to me anymore.Collection: Morning
Above all, I strive to be the best I can - to be better than I was yesterday and better tomorrow.Collection: Yesterday
If success is really dependent on someone liking you or not liking you, and you have to teeter on that kind of tightrope of how you're supposed to act and how you're supposed to look and who you are, it's just not a healthy way to live.Collection: Healthy
I get home at the end of the day and I don't want to talk. All I want to do is lay on the floor and pet my dogs and my cats.Collection: Dog
I think furniture is art. I don't think art is just for your walls - I think everything that someone has made is a piece of art.Collection: Art
I love furniture. And I thought, why are we not seeing who's making the cool new coffee table and these new designs that come out?Collection: Coffee
Some celebrities, it's interesting, because they're fantastic playing a character when somebody is writing the lines for them, and they're amazing actors, but they're not as comfortable on television in front of a live audience and just having a conversation and being themselves.Collection: Character
My dream guests are really not so much celebrities. They're people who are actually interesting and they're doing something interesting with their lives or had an interesting experience in some way. I really enjoy talking to regular, everyday people.Collection: Dream
We put the wrong emphasis on what beauty is and what health is. Health is being vibrant and having energy and being happy.Collection: Energy
It's just, you can get very complacent if you do the same thing all the time and especially the comedian, it gives me you know different things to react to and respond to, and it stimulates me.Collection: Giving
I always like using different muscles, you can take that however you want. But doing something once a year is fantastic, I highly recommended it if you can do it. It's a wonderful thing, it's very freeing and I can put a lot of energy and attention onto it and it's something I love doing.Collection: Years
I get to do stand-up every single day. I love that live energy exchange between the audience and myself, and to get to say the things I want to say and comment on.Collection: Energy
My life is perfect even when it’s not.Collection: About Life
Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.Collection: Procrastination
People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.Collection: Hilarious
Do we have to know who’s gay and who’s straight? Can’t we just love everybody and judge them by the car they drive?Collection: Hilarious
We focus so much on our differences, and that is creating, I think, a lot of chaos and negativity and bullying in the world. And I think if everybody focused on what we all have in common – which is – we all want to be happy.Collection: Bullying
You’re gonna be ok, dum de dum dum dum, just dance.Collection: Dance
I hate having to do small talk. I’d rather talk about deep subjects. I’d rather talk about meditation, or the world, or the trees or animals, than small, inane, you know, banter.Collection: Meditation
I don’t think I remember my first memory.Collection: Firsts
This is my real secret to being a joyful person: I make my life easy. I spend more time being grateful for what I have instead of focusing on what isn’t working. I no longer believe that people have to do things my way and that I have to be perfect.Collection: Real
I think beauty comes from actually knowing who you are. That’s real beauty to me.Collection: Real
Why can’t rappers just say nice things? Like I wanna take your clothes off and hang them up in the closet real nice.Collection: Real
You know, it’s hard work to write a book. I can’t tell you how many times I really get going on an idea, then my quill breaks. Or I spill ink all over my writing tunic.Collection: Book
I think there’s a whole bunch of things that go along with being a girl. You’re not supposed to have opinions or be tough or strong. You’re supposed to be soft and vulnerable, and I find those qualities important in both men and women.Collection: Strong