Bill Murray
I smell varmint poontang. And the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang, I think.Collection: Thinking
Mrs. O'Hair died horribly, a victim of the world she helped to shape. Without the Deity she fought so hard against, there is no right and wrong, increasingly people are ruled by their passions and humanity is a tragedy waiting to happen.Collection: Passion
Well it's hard to be yourself, it's the hardest job there is.Collection: Being Yourself
When you act obnoxious towards people, like on a movie set, they say "we're ready for you" and I say "oh, go to hell, my feet hurt and my head aches." You want to have a margarita for lunch, and people like these little ADs and production assistants are like, "well, he's drinking again."Collection: Hurt
I wanted to be a doctor once upon a time, but it turns out you've got to study, and that wasn't going to happen. I had no idea what I was going to do. I had trouble holding jobs because they want you to be on time. That wasn't going to work.Collection: Jobs
When I feel like I'm stuck, I do something - not like I'm Mother Teresa or anything, but there's someone that's forgotten about in your life, all the time. Someone that could use an 'Attaboy' or a 'How you doin' out there.Collection: Mother
To people who want to be rich and famous, I'd say, "Get rich first and see if that doesn't cover it."Collection: People
The critics. When they're right, they're right for the wrong reasons. And they're usually wrong.Collection: Reason
I would jump into the middle of the street and say, "excuse me, there's a Mercedes that's got to get through here." And I would push people out of the way, "get out of the way! Let him through!" Smacking their cars and stuff. Just like, "whack" and you just jump into it.Collection: People
When I work, my first relationship with people is professional. There are people who want to be your friend right away. I say, "We're not gonna be friends until we get this done. If we don't get this done, we're never going to be friends, because if we don't get the job done, then the one thing we did together that we had to do together we failed."Collection: Jobs
Different vodkas have different effects. Some make you feel a little... poly-lingual. Some make you feel like you want to talk back to someone who's giving you a hard time. Some make you feel like lifting kettle bells.Collection: Hard Times
I was at the New York Film Critics Circle Awards one year - they called me up when somebody canceled two days before the thing, and asked me to present some awards. So I went, and one of the funniest film moments I've ever had was when they introduced the New York film critics. They all stood up - motley isn't the word for that group. Everybody had some sort of vision problem, some sort of damage - I had to bury myself in my napkin.Collection: New York
I think there's only so many people that can take care of themselves, and can take care of other people. And the rest of the people … they're useful in terms of compost for the whole planet, you know.Collection: Thinking
There's definitely a lot of trash that comes with the prize of being famous. It's a nice gift, but there's a lot of wrapping and paper and junk to cut through. Back then, when a movie came out and people saw you on the street, their reaction was so supercharged that it was scary. It would frighten other people. It used to really rattle me. I mean, everybody would love to have their clothes torn off by a mob of girls, but being screamed at is different.Collection: Girl
I think the only reason I've had the career life that I've had is that someone told me some secrets early on about living. You can do the very best you can when you're very, very relaxed, no matter what it is or what your job is, the more relaxed you are the better you are. That's sort of why I got into acting. I realized the more fun I had, the better I did it. And I thought, that's a job I could be proud of. It's changed my life learning that, and it's made me better at what I do.Collection: Jobs
You can't think about what you're going to do. It just gets in the way. You have to be just available for life, otherwise you're not bringing anything to the party. So I don't lie awake thinking about what I'm going to do workwise. There's just too much going on.Collection: Lying
Like: 'Don't walk out there with one hand in your pocket unless there's somethin' in there you're going to bring out.' You gotta commit. You've gotta go out there and improvise and you've gotta be completely unafraid to die. You've got to be able to take a chance to die. And you have to die lots. You have to die all the time.Collection: Hands
Afghanistan is just one of those countries that no group can conquer. It's so challenging to live, and the people are so close among their own tribes, their own groups, that you can't rule them all, you can't get an accord from all of them.Collection: Country
My back hurts. My legs ache. I'm only four!Collection: Hurt
Drinking again? Go to hell. All I ever do is make some movies that made a lot of money now leave me alone, I want to have some fun.Collection: Fun
I feel like I'm a better person when I'm quieter.Collection: Better Person
I kinda like this Jay-Z thing, where he’s retired, but he keeps doing shows. I think I beat him to that. If you say you’re retired, people don’t bother you so much, and then if you want to do something, you can do it.Collection: Thinking
Love can be seeing that here we are and there's this world here.Collection: World
Something wild can happen to anybody and I caution anybody that walks out on the street, just settle your accounts before you leave the house every day.Collection: House
And even if we win, if we win, HAH! Even if we win! Even if we play so far above our heads that our noses bleed for a week to ten days; even if God in Heaven above comes down and points his hand at our side of the field; even if every man woman and child held hands together and prayed for us to win, it just wouldn't matter because all the really good looking girls would still go out with the guys from Mohawk because they've got all the money! It just doesn't matter if we win or we lose. IT JUST DOESN'T MATTER! It just doesn't matter! It just doesn't matter!Collection: Girl
I’ve killed myself so many times, I don’t even exist anymore.Collection: Groundhog Day
If people really want to find you, they find you.Collection: People
The human condition means that we can zone out and forget what the hell we're doing.Collection: Mean
I'm over the Oscar thing. I feel that if you really want an Oscar, you're in trouble. It's like wanting to be married - you'll take anybody. If you want the Oscar really badly, it becomes a naked desire and ambition. It becomes very unattractive. I've seen it.Collection: Ambition
You want my dark side? Have I ever stolen anything? Not so much intentionally. But I don't think it's so much stealing as... being a part of the flow of the universe. You know, where there's an exchange. It's positive. It's negative. There's an exchange of goods and services.Collection: Dark
Just the very thought of someone my age going to visit old girlfriends had instant appeal.Even women think, 'That would be interesting.' Not comfortable, but interesting. It is not a comfortable film at any point.Collection: Girlfriend
The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe.Collection: Humorous
I don't know what my fans are going to think. It's definitely not what they're used to from me.Collection: Thinking
Chicago actors are hard-nosed. They're tough on themselves and their fellow actors. They're self-demanding.Collection: Self
Now, the essence, the very spirit of Christmas is that we first make believe a thing is so, and lo, it presently turns out to be so. - Stephen Leacockof Christmas trees around the house, so it smells good.Collection: Christmas
If you have a good script, that's what gets you involved. It's harder to write a good screenplay than to find something.Collection: Writing
There are a lot of actors that are more talented than me at Second City who quit it before they even got to a paying status. Weird luck. I had no other option.Collection: Cities
The atheists traditionally hold their conventions from Good Friday to Easter Sunday during the hours Christ spent in the grave.Collection: Friday
I'd sort of gone through some sort of spiritual change in the late 70s where I sort of saw there was some other life to live. It changed the way that I worked just having a different presence and a different tension.Collection: Spiritual
People confuse friendship and relaxation. It's incredibly important to be relaxed - you don't have a chance if you're not relaxed. So I try very hard to relax any kind of tension. But friendship is different.Collection: People
I lost my phone and I just really didn't look for it. It was the nicest feeling, like six weeks. ... A couple of times I needed to use a telephone, and I was always able to touch someone that had a telephone and say, "Hey, can I use your phone? May I please?" And they'd say, "Sure." And that was it! So it was OK, it was a real vacation. I took a real vacation from myself.Collection: Couple
If it starts to drag on set, or if you feel like it's not a fun experience, people get down, the energy gets down. You've got to keep the energy up.Collection: Fun
I think romance basically starts with respect. And new romance always starts with respect. Like the song 'Love the One You're With'; there is something to that. It's not just make love to whomever you're with, it's just love whomever you're with.Collection: Song
When I started, the scripts weren't as good, and you'd have to have a huge burst of energy to go, "Sheesh, how am I going to? This stuff's no good." So you'd have to improvise something or create something or try to work with the ware and try to figure out, how do you make this visually and orally acceptable, entertaining? Nowadays, the scripts are just so much better, that you don't have to feel that way. You feel like the script's coming to you, you can just relax. You don't have to drive the boat.Collection: Trying
I realize it's impossible to have any sympathy, I mean, true sympathy, for people that are famous.Collection: Mean
The first year I had money, I really went shopping. I got really caught up in it. I bought all my brothers sets of luggage, and I bought 'em winter coats from Giorgio Armani - winter coats. And I got a pair of socks from this brother.Collection: Brother
The only good thing about fame that I've gotten is I've gotten out of a couple of speeding tickets. I've gotten into a restaurant when I didn't have a suit and tie on. That's really about it.Collection: Couple
Religion is the worst enemy of mankind. No single war in the history of humanity has killed as many people as religion has.Collection: War
The way financing for independent movies goes is great. You get the money from the guy who's actually doing the distribution in France. You say, "Do you want a piece of this movie?" And he's got to sell this movie to get his money back. That's the brains of it; that's the genius of this financing. "You want Germany? Give us a million dollars and you've got Germany."Collection: Independent