Bill Murray
Just beat my record for most consecutive days without dying.Collection: Humor
Friendship is so weird. You just pick a human you've met and you're like, 'Yep, I like this one,' and you just do stuff with them.Collection: New Friendship
Be available for life to happen.Collection: Happens
Disneyland. The world's biggest people trap, built by a mouse.Collection: People
I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink two times a year. When it's my birthday, and when it's not my birthday.Collection: Years
Every pizza is a personal pizza if you try hard and believe in yourself.Collection: Believe
You can tell how boring a person is by the lack of fear in their eyes when someone is flipping through photos on their phone.Collection: Eye
We're Americans! Do you know what that means? It means our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world.Collection: Country
Grab this day by the neck and kiss it.Collection: Kissing
My iPhone has 2 million times the storage of the 1969 Apollo 11 computer. They went to the moon. I throw birds at pig housesCollection: Moon
Alcohol is really just the liquid version of Photoshop.Collection: Alcohol
The secret is to have a sense of yourself, your real self, your unique self. And not just once in a while, or once a day, but all through the day, the week and life.Collection: Real
Life is a game, and it's much more fun if you play it as your own game, so stay light and loose and relaxed.Collection: Fun
I don't have to take this abuse from you -- I have hundreds of people waiting in line to abuse me!Collection: Encouragement
The more relaxed you are, the better you are at everything.Collection: Wise
You can handle just about anything that comes at you out on the road with a believable grin, common sense and whiskey.Collection: Adventure
I try to be available for life to happen to me. We're in this life, and if you're not available, the sort of ordinary time goes past and you didn’t live it. But if you're available, life gets huge. You're really living it.Collection: Past
The automatic things you do are basically those things that keep you from doing the better things you need to do.Collection: Needs
This is not a dress rehearsal; this is your life.Collection: Dresses
Chicks dig me because I rarely wear underwear, and when I do, it's usually something unusual.Collection: Stripes
When I was a little kid playing baseball, my manager called me Sleepy. And only a few people, who know me from way, way back, call me that still. I used to drift off and that's why they made me the catcher, so I wouldn't fall asleep. That gift I have still.Collection: Baseball
It's much harder to play beloved than to play a rotten guy. Rotten guy is a piece of cake. So playing a beloved person really sets a high bar for your behavior and your acting and what you project.Collection: Cake
When you did the job, you thought you were just trying to amuse your friends who are all on the job. I'm just trying to make the sound guy laugh, the script supervisor. A movie like Caddyshack, I can walk on a golf course and some guy will be screaming entire scenes at me and expecting me to do it word for word with him. It's like, 'Fella, I did that once. I improvised that scene. I don't remember how it goes'. But I'm charmed by it. I'm not like, 'Hey, knock it off'. It's kind of cool.Collection: Jobs
The truth is, anybody that becomes famous is an ass for a year and a half. You've got to give them a year and a half, two years. They are getting so much smoke blown, and their whole world gets so turned upside down, their responses become distorted. I give everybody a year or two to pull it together because, when it first happens, I know how it is.Collection: Years
I act like a jerk sometimes.Collection: Sometimes
Now, for some of you it doesn't matter. You were born rich and you're going to stay rich. But here's my advice to the rest of you: Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down. Just remember, they can buy anything but they can't buy backbone. Don't let them forget it. Thank you.Collection: Boys
I knew that's where I was going. I knew we were going to Italy. You couldn't make this movie in America at this price. I knew it was going to be big. I knew there was going to be a ship involved and that there was going to be a set as big as the ship. I thought, well, here we go. But I knew that was where he was headed. He had been going this way for some time. All directors, once they have some success, they want to spend a whole heck of a lot of money. (Something else can't hear.)Collection: America
I've retired a couple of times. It's great, because you can just say, 'Oh, I'm sorry. I'm retired.'Collection: Sorry
You had to keep the mood up; you had to keep the tempo up. You had to keep the feeling of, "Hey, we're doing something that's really exciting. It's fun being with these people." And the more fun you have, the better you do it.Collection: Fun
The last thing I want is to be (in a film role) is obvious, direct and offensive.Collection: Roles
It's a lot of work to read a crummy script.Collection: Scripts
People usually go through a bad period when they first get successful. You're new and you're hot and things go wrong.Collection: Successful
I love the financing. It's fun to do studio movies, too. I think you should do both. You don't want to be this, "He's an independent film guy." It sounds like, "He makes his own dresses."Collection: Fun
I'd like [Santa Claus] to give Wes Anderson, the director, enough money in his next budget for an aerial shot - just a little copter shot. He really wanted this one helicopter shot, and Disney wouldn't give him the money. Just wouldn't give him the money. Every day, he was talking to the studio about this helicopter shot.Collection: Talking
Half of the people in this room are more dressed up than on any other day in the year, and the other half are more dressed down.Collection: Years
I'm not an ungenerous person; I don't resent it. It's just sort of a head-scratcher.Collection: Resent
So far, I've only sailed in the Caribbean. I've sailed the Virgin Island and The Grenadines. I liked all that. We charted some really crummy boats in the Grenadines. That made for an exciting sailing trip (laughs) when everything goes well. When everything goes well. When sails rip, engines freeze up and you find there are organisms growing inside the diesel, it's terrible and amazing stuff.Collection: Rip
If I run into someone on the street, that's one thing. But answering mail for a living? I like a job where you can play and act kind of goofy and have some fun.Collection: Running
I don't believe that you can give the same performance every take. It's physically impossible, so why bother? If you don't do what is happening at that moment, then it's not real. Then you're holding something back.Collection: Real
You don't have to have all this film stock, you can work faster, and you don't need a giant crew. It's great.Collection: Giants
My first movie, I got nominated for a Canadian Oscar-for Meatballs. For MEATBALLS. And who am I up against? George C. Scott. So he wins the award and I stand up and go, 'That's it-let's get the hell outta here.'Collection: Winning
You know the theory of cell irritability? If you take an amoeba cell and poke it a thousand times, it will change and then re-form into its original shape. And then, the thousandth time you poke this amoeba, the cell will completely collapse and become nothing. That's kind of what it's like being famous. People say hi, how are you doing, and after the thousandth time, you just get angry; you really pop.Collection: Cells
You cannot pray them out of hell.Collection: Scary
Morocco is the greatest. I should be getting money from the Moroccans because I'm just telling everyone that it's a wonderful place to go.Collection: Morocco
You know how funerals are not for the dead, they’re for the living? Bachelor parties are not for the groom, they’re for the uncommitted.Collection: Party
The government can destroy wealth but it cannot create wealth, which is the product of labor and management working with creation.Collection: Government
I met a woman who photographed celebrity dogs for a book, and she told me that Ralph Lauren's dog is named Rugby. I said, Yeah, but his real name is Stickball.Collection: Dog
I will be in Orlando during the atheist convention to do my best to counter the assaults upon Christ of the atheists. I also plan on running a large newspaper ad in the Orlando Sentinel addressed to the atheists and warning the Orlando area of the atheists' vile plans for their children.Collection: Running
All parties are good.Collection: Party