Tucker Max
Obviously, I love Japanese food. My favorite TV show of all time, without exception, is 'Iron Chef.' Not the stupid American version; 'Iron Chef' Japanese; the real one, the one that was on in Japan... my DVR for years was set to record almost every single 'Iron Chef' episode.
I think I just pick really smart and motivated people to work with - people who are probably going to do great things anyway - and I just teach them what I know, maybe teach them how to think a little clearer than they did before, and then off they go.
At some point in their life, everyone thinks they should go to law school. You may in fact think you want to go to law school now.
If you like to argue just for the sake of being contentious, you shouldn't pick a job based on this unresolved emotional issue of yours, you should get counseling for it.
Having a soft major is nowhere near the career death sentence that so many make it out to be. The world is changing, and the U.S. economy with it. Our economy is shifting to a service- and information-based economy, and soft majors are already becoming more and more valuable.
Publishing companies are like schoolyard bullies that can't even fight well.
Frankly, I'd rather make a little bit less money if it means living in a better world for books and publishing in the future.
The devil doesn't come dressed in a red cape and pointy horns. He comes as everything you've ever wished for.Collection: Temptation
Ladies, you may not realize this, understand this, or even believe this, but everything else we do is ultimately for you. Men don't do anything-create art, build businesses, donate to charity, invent things, or do anything noteworthy-for any reason other than to impress women, and thus get them to have sex with us. If women didn't exist, we'd still just be naked grunting apes living in caves. In a very real way, pussy is the key to human civilization. You don't have to like it, but it's a fact; if you understand it, you understand men.Collection: Art
But here's the thing about being honest: All the liars HATE you for it, and most of the people in the world are liars. They lie to their bosses, they lie to their families, they lie to themselves, they lie so much they don't even know they're lying anymore. If you have the courage to be honest even a little bit all those people will hate you for it, because their lie is reflected in your honesty. Oscar Wilde wasn't kidding when he said, "If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you."Collection: Honesty
You show me a truly funny girl who doesn't have emotional issues, and I'll introduce you to my stable of unicorn thoroughbreds ridden by leprechaun jockeys.Collection: Girl
I will never understand why people get so upset at things I don't even remember saying.Collection: People
The meaning of life is to create meaning for your life.Collection: Meaning Of Life
The great stories go to those who aren't afraid to live themCollection: Stories
You ever wake up in the middle of the night because a couple of cats are clawing each other to death outside your window? That's what it's like listening to you speak.Collection: Couple
Tell beautiful women they are smart, and smart women they are beautiful.Collection: Beautiful
Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as 'deserving' respect; you get what you demand from people.Collection: Men
Getting offended is a great way to avoid answering questions that make you sound dumb.Collection: Dumb
I never understand why women think drama and bullshit are attractive to guys. They’re not. I’m going to be real clear about this, ladies, so pay attention: Prince Charming doesn't come to rescue cunty lunatics.Collection: Real
No one has it all figured out, especially not the people who are acting like they do and judging you because of it. Pretending to be something you aren't because you're trying to please a bunch of judgmental hypocrites and shitheads is not the way to be happy. Living the life you want to live is. It really is that simple.Collection: Live Life
Most people's lives are nothing more than pointlessly frantic activity used as a psychological defense against their own impotence and fear.Collection: People
I love women, I love alcohol, and I love combining the two. If God invented anything better than drunk sex with a hot girl, he kept it to himself.Collection: Girl
And I’ve found that, what I now want the most in a woman is—I want a partner. I want someone who is my partner in life. Who supports me, and I support her. I can share all my experiences in life with her, and she can share hers back with me. Not only do we love each other, but we accept, embrace, nurture, and care for each other.Collection: Support
Halloween revolves around delicious candy, excessive alcohol, and horny women dressed as sluts. This also describes my vision of Heaven.Collection: Halloween
Obstacles are only obstacles if you see them as obstacles. They can also be called opportunities.Collection: Opportunity
I laugh at people who say things like 'I'm a good person, I just do bad things.' No, that's not how it works. What you do IS who you are.Collection: People
No sheep wants to be first through the gate, but every sheep will be second.Collection: Sheep
If you want to be seen as courageous by some and hated by others, just say what you really think.Collection: Thinking
Due to the potent combination of my sexual recklessness and the slutty nature of some of the girls I have slept with, I have accumulated enough stories and anecdotes about abortion that they could name a Planned Parenthood clinic after me.Collection: Girl
The rules your parents teach you to live by are very different than the rules the world actually runs by. Most of the conventional wisdom is not only wrong, it's a lie told to us by people who want to control us. It doesn't help us, it helps them. Pretty much everything we're told as children (and adults, really) by the established power structures in our lives are made up fairytales us to reinforce that control: Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the tooth fairy, fat-free frozen dinners, religion, and metering lights on the highway--the list goes onCollection: Running
The hardest lesson I've had to learn in my life is that my intelligence is inversely correlated to my humility. The more I thought I knew, the less I actually knew.Collection: Humility
The general intellectual level of South Florida is somewhere just above "functionally retarded".Collection: Florida
I'm sorry, but I stand by my decision. I am now a member of the elite club of people that have fought a professional team mascot. You sir, are not in that club.Collection: Sorry
You know that look a cop gives you when he's so confused that he doesn't even know how to respond? If you don't know that look, it means you haven't had enough fun in your life.Collection: Fun
Hi. I haven't insulted you yet, have I?Collection: Insulted
You look like the type of people who would criticize a misspelling in a suicide note.Collection: Suicide
I stop paying attention because as much as I love beauty, I hate stupidity, and seeing the two combined pisses me off.Collection: Hate
I’ve heard 14 year old meth addicted thai prostitutes say more prescient things than the woman that was supposedly a “professorCollection: Years
My path to wisdom began when I stopped pretending to know things I didn't know. When I explicitly admitted to the limits of my knowledge, stopped building on ambiguity and ignorance, and instead realized that I knew nothing, not even the things I thought I knew.Collection: Ignorance
That's the beauty of alcohol. If you don't remember it, it didn't happen.Collection: Alcohol
The dumbest women I hooked up with were in Florida. I lived in Florida for a year... and it was just shocking. I literally felt like after living there for a couple months that I had become stupider. It was unbelievable. If you read the stories on my site that are based around crazy women, about 75 percent of those women were in Florida and I only lived there for a year.Collection: Couple
Yes, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but everyone forgets the second half of that quote: the road to heaven is paved with good actions.Collection: Heaven
Probably the best explanation for my success and other Internet writers, is that we're tapping a genre or a niche out there that needs to be filled and isn't.Collection: Needs
The only thing that someone could say about me that would hurt me would be something that's true that I don't want to be.Collection: Hurt
If people try to judge you or shame you for doing safe, consensual things that make you happy, I can guarantee you they're bad people.Collection: People
The thing that I think about the most, and is the most rewarding to me, is the whole past. That I kind of went from nothing to something and I did it on my own, and I did it through hard work and smarts.Collection: Smart
Things always work out for me because I do whatever I want without worrying about the consequences.Collection: Work Out
People have proven over and over that they will read if they are given something they like. The problem with reading is not reading, its that almost everything out there sucks. For so long, publishing has been run by a cartel of snobby pseudo-intellectual failed writers, and the resulting output has reflected not what the market wants, but what they think people are supposed to read.Collection: Running
We had become those guys... who started a fight... at a Harry Potter book party.Collection: Party