Mallory Ortberg
Depression cannot be overcome by listing a series of good things in one's life, any more than a broken foot can be healed by thinking about all the other bones you have that aren't broken.Collection: Thinking
It can't hurt to have a backup.Collection: Hurt
So many people choose silence after the immediate wake of a death out of fear of saying something out of turn or "bringing up bad memories" that bereaved people often feel forgotten.Collection: Memories
You have a wonderful opportunity here to not care about something that doesn’t matter to you. Please don’t miss out on it.Collection: Opportunity
If your partner asks you if something bothers you, and something bothers you, the best thing you can do is say, "Yes, it bothers me." Otherwise you create a situation where they think everything is fine, continue with the offending behavior, while you build up a secret reservoir of resentment that will eventually come pouring out, to their shock.Collection: Thinking
Asexuality does not make our lives any worse or any better, we just face a different set of challenges than most sexual people.Collection: People
If this is something you'd truly like to work on, not out of a sense of guilt but because you would enjoy occasionally reciprocating, there are a wealth of resources out there for the enthusiastic amateur (you are far from the only would-be blow-jobber whose spirit is willing but gag reflex is weak). You have more options than "no blow jobs, ever" and "regular whole-hog sessions to completion that result in vomiting."Collection: Jobs
Reconciliation is not possible when one party asks the other to obliterate all signs of their relationship.Collection: Party
As long as you don't think he's just pretending not to mind for your sake, it sounds like he has truly accepted that blow jobs are too difficult and painful for you to perform, and he's still very satisfied with your sex life. Take him at his word.Collection: Sex
Don't badger people without children into admitting the secret desire for children you're sure they have to you! Don't badger anyone! Leave the badgering to the badgers.Collection: Children
I think that it's a great idea to have honest conversations about children before getting married. I also think it's impossible to promise someone, "What I want right now will never change, and as long as I promise you I do - or don't - want a child - or a specific number of children - before we get married, we will never have to experience fear, anxiety, uncertainty, or the pain of not getting what we want, when we want it.Collection: Children
It's one thing to be a high achiever; it's quite another to privately sneer at your girlfriend's friends after feigning friendliness because they have the "misfortune" to drive a bus for a living.Collection: Girlfriend
Five-foot-8 is a perfectly normal height for a woman - it's slightly but not at all unusually tall and certainly shouldn't be causing you any torment.Collection: Perfectly Normal
Your partner cannot fault you for refusing to host a perpetual-motion party or for the fact that you must sleep and will eventually die.Collection: Party
Anyone who wants to pretend that your Huntington's disease is an invention is someone who does not have your best interests at heart.Collection: Heart
I'm pretty sure there's no sexuality that justifies constant low-level harassment.Collection: Levels
Bad dental hygiene can lead to respiratory infections and an increased risk for heart disease and strokes.Collection: Heart
Someone who responds to "Please don't grope me" with whining and pouting isn't a friend. He's an asshole and a predator.Collection: Predator
To stop challenging someone from using anti-gay language simply because they persist in using anti-gay language strikes me as a defeatist approach.Collection: Gay
Don't beat yourself up over what you dream about.Collection: Dream
Some people give gifts in order to bewilder, confuse, and manipulate their recipients.Collection: Order
"Not being virulently and overtly racist against black people" and "treating gay people like human beings" are necessary conditions of greatness.Collection: Gay
It's OK to tell your partner to objectify you. That's part of the fun of having a partner.Collection: Fun
If you don't like potlucks, the solution to your problem is "don't go to potlucks," not "insist other people don't have them."Collection: People
As you feel increasingly comfortable around your friends, I think it's more than fine to share the basic details of your heroin addiction with them. If they seem receptive, you can feel free to talk about it in further detail; if they seem judgmental or uncomfortable, you can move on to other topics.Collection: Moving
Kids know when they're getting yelled at and mocked, I can assure you.Collection: Kids
Arm yourself with as many options as possible before making your next move.Collection: Moving
Periodontal bacteria can easily slip into the bloodstream and cause infection elsewhere in the body.Collection: Body
Nothing good comes of reading other people's emails.Collection: Reading
I do not think it is selfish to want to donate a kidney "only" to family members.Collection: Selfish
There has to be some kind of personal hygiene bar that a person needs to clear in order for a relationship to be successful.Collection: Successful
If you get a dog, take care of your dog! You can just not have a dog if you don't feel like taking care of one, it's very easy to not have a dog.Collection: Dog
I don't think it's a requirement that a happy, fulfilling relationship also provide the best sex of all time.Collection: Sex
If you’re so forgetful that you’re incapable of remembering that a co-worker isn’t pregnant on three separate occasions in as many months, I worry about your memory and cognition skills.Collection: Family Friends
Diapers do not belong on the same table as food.Collection: Tables
You who have suffered so much do not want to be with the kind of person who makes "black widow" jokes to deal with an uncomfortable, painful moment. You should be with a person capable of great compassion and understanding.Collection: Compassion
You need to be able to express your resentment and sense of loss in a way that doesn't damage your partner.Collection: Loss
You can care very much about someone without being capable of becoming their primary caregiver in the event of their parents' untimely death.Collection: Parent
You're right to want to minimize your compulsive physical behavior in the workplace before it bothers your co-workers, but I hope very much you can also give yourself credit for the work you're already doing.Collection: Giving
Addicts sometimes have a penchant for becoming the center of attention at other people's celebrations.Collection: People
If your wife briefly corrects someone with "Actually, I'm bisexual" during conversation, it hardly sounds like attempting to remain an object of desire to me. If she went around saying, "Actually, I'm still very interested in men, particularly you, you massive dose of sexual charisma," you might have a case.Collection: Bisexual
There's simply no way you can tell a woman you work with that you disapprove of her relationship with her adult child, no matter how much you think it would be better for him to move out.Collection: Children
Reciprocating oral sex is, in general, a very good idea!Collection: Sex
LGBT youth face a much higher risk of violence and homelessness after being rejected by their family of origin.Collection: Risk
A woman who repeatedly asks a man she knows to be gay when he's going to get married and have children is not trying to let sleeping dogs lie.Collection: Dog
I love the art history ones because it's so little work for me. There's so many paintings that when I look at them, the look on the lady's face is like so clear and her body language and her posture or their physical situation is so immediately recognizable. Anyone who's been in a conversation they didn't want to have, or been getting harangued by a little kid they didn't want to pay attention to or been tired and wanted to go to bed is just like, "Yes, of course."Collection: Art
Tenancy laws can be so complicated; I want to make sure OP is protected as much as possible.Collection: Law
Someone who has a disability is not necessarily in distress. You may be embarrassing and inconveniencing someone by butting in and making assumptions.Collection: May
An adult woman should not be so possessive of her own birthday that she begrudges her friends the chance to get married on the same day.Collection: Adults
Some struggling marriages can be salvaged with hard work and counseling; others should be dismantled and stripped for parts.Collection: Struggle