Kevin Hearne
I would never behave with so little dignity. Nor would I wish to be confronted in such a manner by anyone else. Vampires inspire screams, not squees. Involuntary urination is common, I grant, but it properly flows from a sense of terror, not an ecstatic sense of hero worship.Collection: Hero
I tend to vacillate between belief systems. Right now I'm kind of checking out the whole buffet, you know, and maybe in a little while I'll decide on what I want to put on my plate and chow down on.Collection: Want
Sweet Honey of Dagda, now I was babbling.Collection: Sweet
Well o' course she's feelin' dandy! She's the mother o' God for the love o' Pete!Collection: Mother
Oh noes, kitteh haz major angriez!” I said. I turned around to share a laugh with my companions and found them glaring at me. “What?” I asked. Leif shook a finger and said in a low, menacing tone, “If you tell me I have to talk like an illiterate halfwit to fit into this society, I will punch you.” “And I’ll pull out your goatee,” Gunnar added. “Lolcat iz new happeh wai 2 talk,” I explained to them. “U doan haz 2 be kitteh 2 speek it.Collection: Laughing
You will respect my authori-tah!' Oberon said, in a passable imitation of Eric Cartman. I reminded him that I needed to concentrate. Sometimes dogs forget; they just get too excited.Collection: Dog
She didn't go all fangirl on anyone, but I suspect that's only because none of them bore the slightest resemblance to Nathan Fillion.Collection: Bores
Flidais clapped her hands in delight. "Oh, I bet he nearly shat kine!" That made me laugh - I hadn't heard that expression in a long, long time. I refrained from telling her that the modern expression would be "he had a cow", because I liked the original better. "Yes, the kine he nearly shat would have fed several clans.Collection: Expression
But now that she was my apprentice, every such thought caused a guilty twitch in my neck, as if someone had dropped a sleek, stinky ferret there. Guilt ferrets are bastards.Collection: Guilt
On a Creep Scale from Hello Kitty to Cthulhu, I award it a Freddy Krueger. Granuaile MacTiernanCollection: Awards
Atticus "What's this religion going to be called?" Oberon "Poochism" A:"and the name of this holy writ I will be typing for you?" O:"The dead flea scrolls: A Sirius Prophecy.Collection: Names
Anyone who's ever tried to tangle with a teddy bear cholla knows there's a whole lot more bear than teddy to it.Collection: Bears
She switched from ecstasy to embarrassment at about Mach five.Collection: Embarrassment
What do you know? She liked to be told she was scary. Kinky.Collection: Scary
She thinks petting me is an honor. This is an unexpected position to take for a goddess of slaughter, but I applaud her defiance of convention.Collection: Thinking
Granuaile:"So why don't cult leaders achieve godhood?" Atticus:" Because they're megalomaniacs drenched in douche juice.Collection: Leader
Druid log July 15: Dark elves are not only quick and efficient killers, but creative and pyrotechnically inclined ones.Collection: Dark
Peace be with you," I said, and as I turned to resume my journey with Coyote, I added under my breath, "and asskicking be with me.Collection: Journey
Wow you need to get some sun.” “Shut up. I'm Irish.Collection: Needs
Whoa. He had ghouls on speed dial. My lawyer kicks so much ass.Collection: Ghouls
The royal hound's belly demands rubbing. Step lively, humans, neglect me not." ~OberonCollection: Demand
Ye know what me Sean used to say, God rest his soul? He said, 'A friend will help ye move, Katie, but a really good friend will help ye move a body.Collection: Moving
No worries, Atticus. I will snarf surreptitiously. And I should get bacon, because my adverb was two syllables longer than yours, plus a bonus for alliteration." I grinned. "It's a deal. You're the best hound ever.Collection: Two
Aw, no. You’re taking us to that vegetarian place, aren’t you? It’s a coffee place. You can’t just automatically classify anything that isn’t a steak house as vegetarian. Yes, I can. This is America. You said Americans assert their own opinions as if they were facts and dismiss inconvenient facts as mere opinions.Collection: Coffee
They never predict anything fun," Granuaile answered. "Just once I'd like to hear a prophet tell someone, 'Thou shalt win a bitchin' Camaro on a game show.Collection: Fun
The tendency of modern American women to exclaim 'Hiiiiiiiiiiii!' in soprano octaves and hug each other upon sight can be disconcerting to those unfamiliar with it.Collection: Sight
Lie down and offer your throat. No, wait, that's how dogs submit. I know! Offer her you're wallet!" OberonCollection: Dog
Am I not a fearsome enemy?" "You frighten me primally.Collection: Enemy
I had an ASU student looking for it in my shop last week, and he defined the Bacchants for me as 'those drunk chicks who killed that one dude because he wouldn't have sex with them.' His professors must be so proud. I asked him if he knew what maenads were, and instead of correctly answering that it was just another name for Bacchants, he bizarrely thought I was referring to my own testicles - as in, "'Ere now, mate, don't swing that bat around me nads.'" The conversation deteriorated quickly after that.Collection: Sex
Poison?" she (Granuaile)said,"I hope it isn't iocane powder.Collection: Poison
Here is how you know someone has had a good idea: Other people freely admit to their friends that said idea has changed their lives. Most people today will grant that fire and the wheel are the big two. After that, any attempts to rank the greatest ideas of all time are going to draw lots of argument. You’ll have zealots pimping this god or that on the one hand, scientists pimping Darwin on the other, and then practical people pointing at written language and saying, look, fellas, the reason those ideas have gone viral is because someone figured out how to write them down.Collection: Writing
I'm not a proper anything. Majoring in philosophy kind of turns positive assertions into maybes.Collection: Philosophy
...Having no recourse, I feel back on Shakespeare. Leif would recognize it and understand the context properly. With my remaining few seconds of consciousness, I quoted Benedick from Much Ado About Nothing, who spoke these words to his former friend: "you are a Villain: I jest not." and then I collapsed into a pool of my own blood.Collection: Blood
Thank you, Morrigan. This is very helpful," I said, already feeling myself warming up. "And delivered to me entirely without pain." The Morrigan sucker-punched me hard in the face, sending me sprawling in the snow and breaking my nose. "You spoke too soon and with entirely too much sarcasm," she said. "We could have parted with a kiss. Remember that.Collection: Pain
Before he (Francis Bacon) came along, people conducted all their arguments through a series of logical fallacies or simply shouting louder than the other guy, or, if they did use facts, they only selected ones that reinforced their prejudices and advanced their ideas.” Oberon replies “don’t they still do that?Collection: Ideas
There is always a price to pay for badassery. Neo was a badass in the Matrix and the Matrix Reloaded, but the price he had to pay was The Matrix Revolutions.Collection: Badass
I had privately changed 'This, too, shall pass' into 'You, too, shall die'.Collection: This Too Shall Pass
Let me tell you, people go on and on about what a great idea electricity was, but I'm going to put toilet paper right next to the wheel and say those are the best ideas anyone's ever had. Scoff at it if you will, but try living for two millennia without it and then we'll talk.Collection: Ideas
Winning ugly is still winning.Collection: Winning
Oh. Oberon looked at me. I know that has to make you sad. But call to me instead, Atticus. I'll always answer. Your fly has been open all this time, by the way, and Granuaile hasn't said a thing. Thanks, buddy, I said silently as I tried to surreptitiously zip up my jeans. See? I got your back AND your front. I deserve a treat.Collection: Jeans
Yes and I appreciate it. But this is going to be difficult enough without running my words through a filter of illiteracy.Collection: Running
They'll have to bring in Mulder an' Scully, because there ain't no CSI on the planet that'll ever be able to explain this.Collection: Csi
I hoped you would consider it seriously instead of laughing at it.' 'Mr. Chamkanni said much the same thing in bed the first night home from the hospitalCollection: Home
That's right, there's free beer in Irish paradise. Everyone's jealous.Collection: Jealous