John Cleese
When people quote sketches to me, half the time I don't know what they're talking about so I have to sort of go, aha, yes, oh yep, I remember that and lie my way out of it.Collection: Lying
Everything in comedy's got to be exactly right, which is why making a comedic film is kind of a difficult process, because, for most of the two years of shooting it and editing it and reshooting and all of that, it's not quite right. And it's only when you just at the end, you put the final polish on it, it becomes really funny again.Collection: Two
Too many people confuse being serious with being solemn.Collection: People
It’s only on the brink that people find the will to change. Only at the precipice do we evolve.Collection: People
If I like chocolate it won't surprise you that I have a few chocolates in my fridge, but if you find out I've got 16 warehouses full of chocolate, you'd think I was insane. All these rich guys are insane, obsessive compulsive twits obsessed with money - money is all they think about - they're all nuts.Collection: Thinking
Technology frightens me to death. It's designed by engineers to impress other engineers, and they always come with instruction booklets that are written by engineers for other engineers - which is why almost no technology ever works.Collection: Technology
I'm not sure what's going on in Britain. I don't know what's going on in London. Because London is no longer an English city, and that's how they got the Olympics. I mean, they said, "We're the most cosmopolitan city on Earth," but it doesn't feel English.Collection: Mean
When you do comedy in front of an audience, they are the ones who tell you whether it's funny or not and which bits are funny and which bits need to be fixed.Collection: Needs
The main evolutionary significance of humor is that it gets us from the closed mode to the open mode quicker than anything else.Collection: Significance
I get bored easily. I've been bored most of my life.Collection: Bored
Students who laugh more- learn more. Students who laugh more earn more.Collection: Educational
There's something about watching an animal that puts you in contact with where we came from and what we're still a part of.Collection: Animal
I learned a lot of things about literature talking to people at the publishing company. Did you know that about 90 percent of celebrity autobiographies are ghostwritten?Collection: Talking
The very essence of playfulness is an openness to anything that may happen, the feeling that whatever happens, it's okay... you're either free to play, or you're not.Collection: Essence
Ask yourself, "When does this decision have to be taken?" and having answered it, defer the decision until then, in order to give yourself maximum pondering time.Collection: Taken
Manuel will show you to your rooms - if you're lucky.Collection: Funny
Once we've made a decision, we are efficient only if we go through with it decisively, undistracted by doubts about its correctness.Collection: Decision
Writing is the great skill, the creative skill. The acting is more an interpretative skill. And the thrill for me is the moment when I think of something. And then the challenge is how to get that funny idea to work in terms of the structure and that kind of thing, which is - and that's what I really love doing.Collection: Writing
We all die at the end, but does that nullify everything? Would most people rather say, "I wish I hadn't been born?" Once you're born you'll have to die, now is that funny or sad?Collection: People
I think we're all born with a sense of humor. Creativity is another thing though.Collection: Creativity
Why write about the past? Well, there's more of it.Collection: Writing
The English contribution to world cuisine: the chip.Collection: Funny
Telling people how to be creative is easy - being creative is difficult.Collection: People
I can do anything I want, I'm eccentric!Collection: Want
This is the extraordinary thing about creativity: If just you keep your mind resting against the subject in a friendly but persistent way, sooner or later you will get a reward from your unconscious.Collection: Creativity
We all operate in two contrasting modes, which might be called open and closed. The open mode is more relaxed, more receptive, more exploratory, more democratic, more playful and more humorous. The closed mode is the tighter, more rigid, more hierarchical, more tunnel-visioned. Most people, unfortunately spend most of their time in the closed mode.Collection: Humorous
Muslims, who have a completely different value system, come to the West, then they should accept that there are certain basic values in the West intrinsic to our culture. Just as I wouldn't suggest that any Westerner walk down the streets of Saudi Arabia in a bikini.Collection: West
Oh, I could spend my life having this conversation - look - please try to understand before one of us diesCollection: Funny
I think it takes a long time, as you get older, to realize just how crazy the world is, just how ridiculous it all is.Collection: Crazy
And now for something completely different...Collection: Nudge Nudge
This is the most important joke I've ever heard. Niels Bohr, the founder of Quantum Physics, had a friend to dinner. As the friend left, he noticed a horseshoe nailed above Bohr's front door. He said to Bohr, accusingly, "Niels, you're a great scientist. You can't believe in superstitions." Bohr answered, "I don't, but apparently it works anyway."As with confirmation bias, we tend to lean toward superstitions that benefit us.Collection: Believe
When people say 'I'm not a prude, but ...' what they mean is 'I am a prude, and ...'.Collection: Mean
I think that the real religion is about the understanding that if we can only still our egos for a few seconds, we might have a chance of experiencing something that is divine in nature.Collection: Real
I think humor is incredibly positive, I think it is life advancing. There's medical research to show that it improves your antibodies. It's all about sense and perspective.Collection: Thinking
There's nothing good on the television; let's burn a witch. It must have been terribly exciting to live in those times.Collection: Television
While you're being creative, nothing is wrong. There's no such thing as a mistake, and any drivel may lead to the breakthrough.Collection: Mistake
Because, as we all know, it’s easier to do trivial things that are urgent than it is to do important things that are not urgent, like thinking. And it’s also easier to do little things we know we can do than to start on big things that we’re not so sure about.Collection: Thinking
My mum died about three years ago at the age of 101, and just towards the end, as she began to run out of energy, she did actually stop trying to tell me what to do most of the time.Collection: Running
I would like to do my own eulogy, and then shoot myself and then get in the coffin.Collection: Eulogy
What is absurd is not the teachings of the founders of religion, it's what followers subsequently make of it.Collection: Teaching
The most creative people have learned to tolerate the slight discomfort of indecision for much longer and so, just because they put in more pondering time, their solutions are more creative.Collection: People
If you really don't know where to start or if you're stuck, start generating random connections and allow your intuition to tell you if one might lead somewhere interesting.Collection: Interesting
Always start where the energy is.Collection: Energy
We don't know where we get our ideas from. What we do know is that we do not get them from our laptops.Collection: Ideas
When you're being stalked by an angry mob with raspberries, the first thing to do is to release a tiger.Collection: Advice
Most of the bad taste I’ve been accused of has been generic bad taste; it’s been making fun of an idea as opposed to a person.Collection: Fun
My compulsion to always be working has become less strong and my current business is purely down to this enormous alimony. If I wasn’t doing this I’d be making documentaries about wildlife and other subjects that interest me.Collection: Strong