Laugh Out Loud: Hilarious Quotes for Every Occasion - Page 37
Brighten your day with a selection of humorous and funny quotes. Laugh out loud with witty and amusing insights. Page 37 provides more funny quotes.
It was a mixed marriage. I'm human, and he was a Klingon.Collection: Funny
You've heard of the three ages of man - youth, age, and you are looking wonderful.Collection: Funny
I look into eyes, shake their hand, pat their back, and wish them luck, but I am thinking, I am going to bury you.Collection: Funny
I believe the term "blog" means more than an online journal. I believe a blog is a conversation. People go to blogs to read AND write, not just consume.Collection: Funny
I thought LeBron James was just going to be another addition to help me scoreCollection: Funny
Onward we stagger, and if the tanks come, may God help the tanks.Collection: Funny
It seems that for success in science or art, a dash of autism is essential.Collection: Funny
In physics, you don't have to go around making trouble for yourself - nature does it for you.Collection: Funny
Let me see if I've got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn't laundering illegal drug money?Collection: Funny
Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfishCollection: Funny
The next time you find yourself in an argument, rather than defend your position, see if you can see the other point of view first.Collection: Funny
Gentlemen, we are being killed on the beaches. Lets go inland and be killed.Collection: Funny
The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon.Collection: Funny
Humility is like underwear; essential, but indecent if it shows.Collection: Funny
Part of the charm of basketball lies in the fact that it's a simple game to understand. Players race up and down a fairly small area indoors and stuff the ball into a ring with Madonna's dress hanging on it.Collection: Funny
Many Americans follow pro basketball from November through June, for reasons that I found unexplainable, other than the fact that they were overly fascinated with soaring armpits.Collection: Funny
You can stump any stoner with one question: What were we just talking about?Collection: Funny
You can pretend anything and master it.Collection: Funny
A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon.Collection: Funny
I am sure there are many things better than a good cigar, but right now, I can't think of what they might be.Collection: Funny
With the history of us, a book wouldn't necessarily be the best thing.Collection: Funny
The police are on the way to arrest you for stealing my heart, hijacking my feelings, and driving me crazy.Collection: Funny
Some things just couldn't be protected from the storm. Some things simply needed to be broken off...Once the old things were broken off, amazingly beautiful things grow in their place.Collection: Funny
Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.Collection: Funny
My success has allowed me to strike out with a higher class of women.Collection: Funny
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to.Collection: Funny
Marriage is like mushrooms: we notice too late if they are good or bad.Collection: Funny
I'm afraid of the dark,and suspicious of the light.Collection: Funny
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.Collection: Funny
What a fine weather today! Can’t choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.Collection: Funny
Dude, are my eyes seeing what my brain is telling my eyes that they're seeing?Collection: Funny
Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.Collection: Funny
The nicest thing about quotes is that they give us a nodding acquaintance with the originator which is often socially impressive.Collection: Funny
I have a brain and a uterus, and I use both.Collection: Funny
People should just be aware of how they are eating... yesterday I had a McDonald's breakfast and pizza too - but that's bad.Collection: Funny
It's so bad being homeless in winter. They should go somewhere warm like the Caribbean where they can eat fresh fish all day.Collection: Funny
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God??Collection: Funny
War is hell and all that, but it has a good deal to recommend it. It wipes out all the small nuisances of peace time.Collection: Funny
Nothing said I had to crash.Collection: Funny
Flying is hours and hours of boredom sprinkled with a few seconds of sheer terror.Collection: Funny
Music to me is like breathing. I don't get tired of breathing, I don't get tired of music.Collection: Funny
We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads.Collection: Funny
Not only is he ambidextrous, but he can throw with either hand.Collection: Funny
Football is not a contact sport. Its a collision sportCollection: Funny
When a dog bites a man that is not news, but when a man bites a dog that is news.Collection: Funny
I find this corpse guilty of carrying a concealed weapon and I fine it $40.Collection: Funny
The reason why Absurdist plays take place in No Man's Land with only two characters is primarily financial.Collection: Funny
Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off.Collection: Funny
I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me.Collection: Funny