Steve Martin
You can't really conduct your life by one or two phrases.Collection: Two
You have to get comfortable [with your work], you really have to know what you're doing, and it has to be almost boring to you to be able to do it well.Collection: Able
A kiss may not be the truth, but it is what we wish were true.Collection: Truth
With comedy, you never know until you put it in front of an audience. You shoot it and a year later you have no idea if it's going to work. And then you get the response. It's great when it's good.Collection: Years
Acting has helped me understand people, not only because you are acting as a character, but also because you are watching other actors work. That really helps you identify in life when someone is acting, not being true.Collection: Character
Women have choices, and men have responsibilities.Collection: Responsibility
I'm not trying to be a big shot or anything like that, but I get my drinks half price.Collection: Trying
...the divided world of Aspen, where locals with a sense of entitlement were pitted against developers with a sense of condominiums.Collection: World
I don't really manage my time. I really just wait until I'm inspired to do something. And when I'm inspired to do something, it just happens.Collection: Waiting
Now let's repeat the non-conformists' oath: I promise to be different! I promise to be unique! I promise not to repeat things other people say! Good!Collection: Unique
When I die, now don't think that I'm a nut, don't want no fancy funeral, just one like old King Tut.Collection: Kings
She had destroyed whatever was between us by making a profound gaffe: She met me.Collection: Profound
I'm not a human being. I'm despicable and disgusting - but that's where the money is.Collection: Art
Anyway, seeking work is a tad difficult given the poor design of the streets with their prohibitive curbs and driveways that don't quite line up.Collection: Design
A girl who is willing to give every ounce of herself to someone, who could never betray her lover, who never suspects maliciousness of anyone, and whose sexuality sleeps in her, waiting to be stirred.Collection: Girl
She was feeling her bohemian oats.Collection: Oats
I have heard it said that a complicated childhood can lead to a life in the arts. I tell you this story of my father and me to let you know I am qualified to be a comedian.Collection: Funny
I loved magic, and so I would practice my magic tricks in front of a mirror for hours and hours and hours because I was told that you must practice, you must practice and never present a trick before it's ready.Collection: Mirrors
I did a lot of things when I first started out. In order to be in show business, I juggled, I did magic tricks, cards tricks and I played the banjo.Collection: Order
Working at the magic shop really gave me a sense of comedy because it was all jokes.Collection: Magic
In a strange way, I don't have a job, so I have a lot of time on my hands. When I do work, it might be very concentrated, and it might be months where you're not really doing anything except maybe playing the banjo or writing something. You know, there's a lot of time in the day if you're not working 9 to 5.Collection: Jobs
I've heard lots of people lie to themselves but they never fool anyone.Collection: Lying
Whether I'm involved in creating something or not, it's a personal issue of do I respect it. But you can only know that five or ten years later.Collection: Years
It's horrible for someone to listen to someone learning any instrument - when I was first learning the banjo, I used to have to go out and sit in the car, and even in the summertime I'd have to roll up the windows. Because you just couldn't practice a banjo or a fiddle with other people around. Unless they're being paid.Collection: Practice
I find animated movies very touching. They reach an audience that's hard to get with a live-action film.Collection: Touching
... you're nuts but you're welcome here.Collection: Nuts
Deeply funny musings and adventures elevate Paul Rudnick to the highest level of American comedy writing.Collection: Writing
Writing is something I took up rather than anything I had an inclination toward. I like acting -delivering someone else's message - but writing is more of an accomplishment.Collection: Writing
I like what a third man brings. A kind of oblique vision, seeing something in the material that you didn't know was there. As a comedian, I'm always listening to the audience. And in movies, sometimes the only audience you have is the producer and the director. I like having someone else's opinion, especially if you're on the same wavelength.Collection: Men
When I first started doing my stand-up act, I played the banjo, did comedy, magic tricks, juggled, read poetry. I stuck it all in. I didn't know you were supposed to just stand up and tell jokes. Essentially, that's what my act became: those five elements - except I dropped the poetry.Collection: Magic
Any type of humor can be transferred to the screen, as long as there's clarity. The audience wants to know just what they're supposed to be feeling, when they're supposed to laugh.Collection: Long
Performing music is a way to do comedy, but without the obligation to do a solid hour, hour and half of a standup. I could intersperse it with music, so it became a really good format for me.Collection: Half
I didn't come from a wealthy family. I had no money. Maybe it goes back to naivete which is your greatest asset when you're young. If I was starting in comedy today and if it didn't work the first time, I'd probably quit. But I kept at it, kept at it.Collection: Today
I'm trying to think of other ones. Oh, yeah, I'd say - somebody would buy something and we'd say, and because you are our hundredth customer today, you get a free paperback.Collection: Thinking
I handed in a script last year and the studio didn't change one word. The word they didn't change was on page 87.Collection: Funny
How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollarsCollection: Inspirational
Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.Collection: Encouraging
If I screw up raising my kids, nothing I achieve will matter much.Collection: Kids
I was deeply unhappy, but I didn't know it because I was so happy all the time.Collection: Funny
I started a grease fire at McDonald's - threw a match in the cook's hair.Collection: Fire
It was essential that I never show doubt about what I was doing.Collection: Doubt
Be undeniably good. When people ask me how do you make it in show business or whatever, what I always tell them & nobody ever takes note of it 'cause it's not the answer they wanted to hear-what they want to hear is here's how you get an agent, here's how you write a script, here's how you do this-but I always say, “Be so good they can't ignore you.” If somebody's thinking, “How can I be really good?” people are going to come to you. It's much easier doing it that way than going to cocktail parties.Collection: Party
Always do business as if the person you're doing business with is trying to screw you, because he probably is. And if he's not, you can be pleasantly surprised.Collection: Trying
Acting is collaborative because you are working with another actor, and it's almost like a two-man juggling team. You have to really be in sync.Collection: Team
A day with out sun shine is like..........nightCollection: Night
I think communication is so firsbern.Collection: Communication
Comedy is a distortion of what is happening, and there will always be something happening.Collection: Comedy
Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.Collection: Funny