Ned Vizzini
What happened when you woke up?" "I was having a dream. I don’t know what it was, but when I woke up, I had this awful realization that I was awake. It hit me like a brick in the groin." "Like a brick in the groin, I see." "I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare." "And what is that nightmare, Craig?" "Life." "Life is a nightmare." "Yes.Collection: Dream
I have a system with bathrooms. I spend a lot of time in them. They are sanctuaries, public places of peace spaced throughout the world for people like me.Collection: People
Dad nods, looks me dead in the eyes; slowly and regretfully, he banishes all the smiling and joking from his face, and for once he's just my dad, watching his son who has fallen so low.Collection: Dad
I'm glad you came here and got the help you needed," Neil says, and he shakes my hand in that way that people do in here to remind themselves that you're the patient and they're the doctor/volunteer/ employee. They like you, and they genuinely want you to do better, but when they shake your hand you feel that distance, that slight disconnect because they know that you're still broken somewhere, that you might snap at any moment.Collection: Distance
(...) Since I was a kid." "Which you refer to as 'back when you were happy.'" "Right.Collection: Kids
I waste at least an hour every day lying in bed. Then I waste time pacing. I waste time thinking. I waste time being quiet and not saying anything because I'm afraid I'll stutter.Collection: Depression
They're sort of ancillary anyway, friends. I mean, they're important -- everybody knows that; the TV tells you so -- but they come and go. You lose one friend, you pick up another.Collection: Mean
I want to live but I want to die. What do I do?Collection: Want
If you can't get out of bed for long enough, people come and take your bed awayCollection: Long
You want to play video games twenty-four hours a day?" "Or watch. I just want to not be me. Whether it's sleeping or playing video games or riding my bike or studying. Giving my brain up. That's what's important.Collection: Sleep
The Shift hasn't happened yet, maybe it never will, but sometimes-just enough times to give me hope-my brain jars back into where it's supposed to be.Collection: Giving
I eat not because I want to, not because I have to overcome anything, not to prove myself to anyone, but because it's there. I eat because that's what people do. And somehow when the food is put in front of you by an institution, when there's a large gray force behind it and you don't have to thank anyone for it, you have the animal instinct to make it disappear.Collection: Animal
its hard to talk when you want to kill yourselfCollection: Want
Nobody had told me I was common.Collection: Common
Relationships change even more than people. It's like two people changing. It's exponentially more volatile. Especially two teenagers.Collection: Teenager
Is that the truth, Jimmy?" I ask without looking at him. "It's the truth and it come to ya!" I smile.Collection: I Smile
I wasn’t gifted. Mom was wrong. I was just smart and I worked hard. I had fooled myself into thinking that was something important to the rest of the world. Other people were complicit in this ruse. Nobody had told me I was common.Collection: Mom
Dr. Barney stared at me, his lips puckered. What was he so serious about? Who hasn’t thought about killing themselves, as a kid? How can you grow up in this world and not think about it?Collection: Growing Up
I'm not afraid of dying, I'm afraid of living.Collection: Dying
I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad.Collection: Depression
I wasn't going to have enough money to pay for a Good Lifestyle, which meant I'd feel ashamed, which meant I'd get depressed, and that was the big one because I knew what that did to me: it made it so I wouldn't get out of bed, which led to the ultimate thing—homelessness. If you can't get out of bed for long enough, people come and take your bed away.Collection: Long
Of course I wasn't abused. If I were; things would be so simple. I'd have a reason to for being in a shrinks office. I'd have a justification and something to work on. The world wasn't going to give me something that tidy.Collection: Simple
I like you a lot. Because you’re funny and smart and because you seem to like me. I know that’s not a good reason, but I can’t help it; if a girl likes me I tend to like her back [...] I like you for all this stuff but I also kind of like you for the cuts on your face—Collection: Girl
Some days I woke up and got out of bed and brushed my teeth like any normal human being; some days I woke up and laid in bed and looked at the ceiling and wondered what the hell the point was of getting out of bed and brushing my teeth like any normal human being.Collection: Bed
It’s tough to get out of bed; I know that myself. You can lie there for an hour and a half without thinking anything, just worrying about what the day holds and knowing that you won’t be able to deal with it.Collection: Lying
That's what gets me through the day. Knowing that I could do it. That I'm strong enough to do it and I can get it done.Collection: Strong
Sometimes I wish I had an easy answer for why I'm depressed.Collection: Wish
I was never big on rage.' 'Why?' "It's so much more angry in my head than it could ever be outside.Collection: Rage
I work. And I think about work, and I freak out about work, and I think about how much I think about work, and I freak out about how much I think about how much I think about work, and I think about how freaked out I get about how much I think about how much I think about work.Collection: Thinking
I don't owe people anything, and I don't have to talk to them any more than I feel I need to.Collection: People
I'm fine. Well, I'm not fine - I'm here." "Is there something wrong with that?" "Absolutely.Collection: Fine
We look into each other's eyes as we shake. His are still full of death and horror, but in them I see my face reflected, and inside my tiny eyes inside his, I think I see some hope.Collection: Eye
I found myself jealous of the people who wrote the books. They were dead and they were still taking up my time. Who did they think they were?Collection: Book
Misfortune is no excuse for cruelty.Collection: No Excuses
It's such a silly little thing, the heart.Collection: Silly
So now live for real, Craig. Live. Live. Live. Live.Collection: Real
I want my brain to slide back into the slot it was meant to be in, rest there the way it did before the fall of last year, back when I was young, witty, and my teachers said I had incredible promise.Collection: Witty
She's pretty." (It's amazing how girls can say this and make it the most withering insult.)Collection: Girl
I'm jealous of her. Can you be jealous of your mom for being able to handle things? I couldn't take a day off, take a dog to the vet, and cook dinner. That's like three times too much stuff for me to get done in one day. How am I ever going to have my own house?Collection: Mom
If there is a next life, I hope it's in the past; I don't think the future will be any more handleable. I think it's a little harsh how the END button is red.Collection: Past
Some of the most profound truths about us are things that we stop saying in the middle.Collection: Profound
A person's relationship with food is one of their most important relationships.Collection: Important Relationships
No," mom says, looking at me in the eyes. "What's a triumph is that you woke up this morning and decided to LIVE. THAT'S a triumph. that's what you did today.Collection: Mom
I think you run out of 'I love yousCollection: Running
I don't-" I shake my head. (...) "What? What were you going to say?" This is another trick of shrinks. They never let you stop in midthought. If you open your mouth, they want to know exactly what you had the intention of saying.Collection: Mouths
Life is not cured, Mr. Gilner." Dr. Mahmoud leans in. "Life is managed.Collection: Drs
My family shouldn't have to put up with me. They're good people, solid, happy. Sometimes when I'm with them I think I'm on television.Collection: Thinking
It’s a huge thing, this Shift, just as big as I imagined. My brain doesn’t want to think anymore; all of a sudden it wants to do.Collection: Thinking
deep down I believe my year was a special year: it produced me.Collection: Believe