Franklin P. Adams
Money isn't everything, but lack of money isn't anything.Collection: Money Isn't Everything
Seeing ourselves as others see us would probably confirm our worst suspicions about them.Collection: Cynical
To err is human; to forgive, infrequent.Collection: Inspirational
When a man you like switches from what he said a year ago, or 4 years ago, he is a broad-minded person who has courage enough to change his mind with changing conditions. When a man you don't like does it, he is a liar who has broken his promises.Collection: Change
Chaos breeds life, while order breeds success.Collection: Order
There are hundreds who can stand failure to one who can stand success; the good loser is far more common than the good winner.Collection: Winning
There are plenty of good five-cent cigars in the country. The trouble is they cost a quarter. What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel.Collection: Country
Remember how excited you were when you turned five years old. Today, you should be 10 times that excited. Happy 50th birthday!Collection: Birthday
Conscience: A small, still voice that makes minority reports.Collection: Voice
The best part of the fiction in many novels is the notice that the characters are purely imaginary.Collection: Writing
Our notion of an optimist is a man who knowing that each year was worse than the preceding, thinks next year will be better. And a pessimist is a man who knows the next year can't be worse than the last one.Collection: Men
I am easily influenced. Compared with me a weather vane is Gibraltar.Collection: Weather
The best bet you get is an even break.Collection: Gambling
Ninety-two percent of the stuff told you in confidence you couldn't get anyone else to listen to.Collection: Fear
If a man keeps his trap shut, the world will beat a path to his door.Collection: Success
In the order named, these are the hardest to control - wine, women and song.Collection: Song
And of all glad words of prose or rhyme, The gladdest are Act while there yet is timeCollection: Volunteer
Every time we tell anybody to cheer up, things might be worse, we run away for fear we might be asked to specify how.Collection: Running
Life, lift the full goblet--away with all sorrow-- The circle of friendship what freedom would sever? To-day is our own, and a fig for to-morrow-- Here's to the Fourth and our country forever.Collection: Country
When the political columnists say 'Every thinking man' they mean themselves, and when candidates appeal to 'Every intelligent voter' they mean everybody who is going to vote for themCollection: Witty
Accustomed as I am to public speaking, I know the futility of it.Collection: Public Speaking
An extravagance is something you buy which is no earthly use to your wife.Collection: Sex
There is no accounting for tastes, as the woman said when someone told her her son was wanted by the police.Collection: Life
Drinking is bad taste but tastes good.Collection: Drinking
One man's pointlessness is another's barbed satire.Collection: Men
I hate the pollyanna pest who says that all is for the best.Collection: Hate
Having imagination, it takes you an hour to write a paragraph that, if you were unimaginative, would take you only a minute. Or you might not write the paragraph at all.Collection: Writing
The rich man has his motorcar, His country and his town estate, He smokes a fifty-cent cigar And jeers at Fate. He frivols through the livelong day, He knows not Poverty, her pinch. His lot seems light, his heart seems gay; He has a cinch. Yet though my lamp burns low and dim, Though I must slave for livelihood- Think you that I would change with him? You bet I would!Collection: Change
Count the day won, when the earth, turning on its axis, imposes no additional taxesCollection: Axes
Day after day, night after night, my life at home is far from bright, but even home has more variety, than I can find in cafe society.Collection: Home
As we see censorship it is a stupid giant traffic policeman answering "Yes" to "Am I my brother's copper?" He guards a one-way street and his semaphore has four signs, all marked "stop.Collection: Brother
Prohibition is an awful flop. We like it. It can't stop what it's meant to stop. We like it. It's left a trail of graft and slime It don't prohibit worth a dime It's filled our land with vice and crime, Nevertheless, we're for it.Collection: Land
While the work or play is on, it is a lot of fun if while you are doing one you don't constantly feel that you ought to be doing the other.Collection: Fun
Nobody can write such ironic things unless he has a deep sense of injustice-injustice to those members of the race who are victims of the stupid, the pretentious and the hypocritical.Collection: Stupid
We deny that it is fun to be saving. It is fun to be prodigal. Go to the butterfly, thou parsimonious sluggard; consider her ways and get wise.Collection: Wise
These are the saddest of possible words, Tinker-to-Evers-to-Chance. Trio of Bear Cubs fleeter than birds, Tinker-to-Evers-to-Chance. Ruthlessly pricking our gonfalon bubble, Making a Giant hit into a double, Words that are weighty with nothing but trouble, Tinker-to-Evers-to-Chance. This brief poem, immortalized the Chicago Cubs' double-play combination: Shortstop Joe Tinker, second baseman Johnny Evers, and first baseman Frank Chance.Collection: Play
While the work or play is on, it is a lot of fun if while you are doing one you don’t constantly feel that you ought to be doing the other.Collection: Fun