Fran Lebowitz
The effect of AIDS was like a war in a minute country. Like, in World War I, a whole generation of Englishmen died all at once. And with AIDS, a whole generation of gay men died practically all at once, within a couple of years.Collection: Country
I drank my lifetime supply of alcohol and I took my lifetime supply of drugs between the ages of 15 and 19.Collection: Alcohol
New York was always more expensive than the other places, even when it was going bankrupt. In other words, in 1971, New York was expensive for someone with no money. For anyone.Collection: New York
Your responsibility as a parent is never great as the case is with the mother.Collection: Mother
Special-interest publications should realize that if they are attracting enough advertising and readers to make a profit, the interest is not so special.Collection: Special
People care more about trends now than they do about style. They get so wrapped up in what's happening that they forget how to dress, and they never learn who they are because they never learn how to take care of anything.Collection: People
To me, O'Hara is the real Fitzgerald.Collection: Real
If there had been a job of being a reader, I would have taken that, because I love to read and I don't love to write. That would be blissful.Collection: Jobs
White grapes are very attractive but when it comes to dessert people generally like cake with icing.Collection: Food
To me the biggest waste of time is commuting. First, there is no place that is less than a two-hour commute from New York. You can be half a mile outside of the city limits; you're two hours away by car. I don't care how close they tell you it is. "Oh, it's only thirty miles." Thirty miles? At 8:30 in the morning, thirty miles outside New York, you might as well be starting out in Omaha.Collection: Morning
Will power is not telling anybody you quit smoking.Collection: Smoking
All the time I'm not writing I feel like a criminal. It's horrible to feel felonious every second of the day. It's much more relaxing to actually write.Collection: Writing
In Rome people spend most of their time having lunch. And they do it very well - Rome is unquestionably the lunch capital of the world.Collection: Rome
Los Angeles is a large city-like area surrounding the Beverly Hills Hotel.Collection: Cities
Instead of writing it wrong six times and then writing it right, I think it wrong six times and then write it right the seventh time.Collection: Writing
There's no such thing as advice to the lovelorn. If they took advice, they wouldn't be lovelorn.Collection: Advice
Presently it appears that people are mainly concerned with being well rested. Those capable of uninterrupted sleep are much admired. Unconsciousness is in great demand. This is the day of the milligram. The rigors of learning how to do long division have been a traditional part of childhood, just like learning to smoke. In fact, as far as I am concerned, the two go hand in hand. Any child who cannot do long division by himself does not deserve to smoke.Collection: Children
I happen to love a good run almost as much as sex. Like sex, there are often times I don't think I'm interested until I'm into it. Unlike sex, I do have to get out of bed and into the elements. I hate leaving bed.Collection: Running
If people had gavels, there would be no wars. If every person in the world had a gavel and could bang it and get everyone's attention right away and make their displeasure known, I believe the level of actual violence in the world would just disappear to practically nothing.Collection: War
I've never seen the Kardashians; I'm not sure who they are. But I know a lot about them because it's impossible not to.Collection: Impossible
When people say, 'Doesn't Gloria [Vanderbilt] look great? She's 85.' I say, 'Yes, she was a raving beauty when she was 20,' that's the key. Very helpful.Collection: Keys
Screenwriting is not an artform, it is a punishment from God.Collection: Writing
I'm not interested in being a wife. I'm interested in being an empress.Collection: Women
My favorite way to wake up is to have a certain French movie star whisper to me softly at two-thirty in the afternoon that if I want to get to Sweden in time to pick up my Nobel Prize for Literature, I had better ring for breakfast. This occurs rather less often than one might wish.Collection: Stars
Bread that must be sliced with an axe is bread that is too nourishing.Collection: Funny
Girls who put out are tramps. Girls who don't are ladies. This is, however, a rather archaic usage of the word. Should one of you boys happen upon a girl who doesn't put out, do not jump to the conclusion that you have found a lady. What you have probably found is a Lesbian.Collection: Girl
Children ask better questions than adults. "May I have a cookie?" "Why is the sky blue?" and "What does a cow say?" are far more likely to elicit a cheerful response than "Where's your manuscript?" "Why haven't you called?" and "Who's your lawyer?"Collection: Children
People have been cooking and eating for thousands of years, so if you are the very first to have thought of adding fresh lime juice to scalloped potatoes try to understand that there must be a reason for this.Collection: Food
One of the biggest changes in my lifetime, is the phenomenon of men wearing shorts. Men never wore shorts when I was young. This is one of the worst changes, by far. It's disgusting. To have to sit next to grown men on the subway in the summer, and they're wearing shorts? They look ridiculous, like children, and I can't take them seriously. My fashion advice, particularly to men wearing shorts: Ask yourself, 'Could I make a living modeling these shorts?' If the answer is no, then change your clothes. Put on a pair of pants.Collection: Summer
I doubt there's ever been a true thing said on Fox. Maybe the weather report, maybe not.Collection: Weather
If you read a lot, nothing is as great as you've imagined. Venice is - Venice is better.Collection: Venice
There's nothing like being old to be sure of everything.Collection: Being Old
In fact, we live in a culture where intelligence, exceptional or not, is reviled.Collection: Culture
A woman's quest in life should be to find the perfect apartment. And I have found the perfect apartment. The perfect apartment is the first floor of the Metropolitan Museum. With a sofa.Collection: Museums
Spilling your guts is just exactly as charming as it sounds.Collection: Sound
I love sleep because it is both pleasant and safe to use. Pleasant because one is in the best possible company and safe because sleep is the consummate protection against the unseemliness that is the invariable consequence of being awake. What you don't know won't hurt you. Sleep is death without the responsibility.Collection: Hurt
Inhabitants of underdeveloped nations and victims of natural disasters are the only people who have ever been happy to see soybeans.Collection: Vegetables
People (a group that in my opinion has always attracted an undue amount of attention) have often been likened to snowflakes. This analogy is meant to suggest that each is unique - no two alike. This is quite patently not the case. People, even at the current rate of inflation - in fact, people especially at the current rate of inflation - are quite simply a dime a dozen. And, I hasten to add, their only similarity to snowflakes resides in their invariably and lamentable tendency to turn, after a few warm days, to slush.Collection: Unique
I believe in talent. I know you're not supposed to believe in that anymore because you're supposed to believe if you just work hard you can do anything. That's how you succeed, maybe. But talent is something you're born with. You cannot acquire it by working hard, and you cannot lose it by lying around either.Collection: Lying
When it comes to sports I am not particularly interested. Generally speaking, I look upon them as dangerous and tiring activities performed by people with whom I share nothing except the right to trial by jury.Collection: Sports
I write so slowly, I could write with my own blood and not hurt myself.Collection: Hurt
Generally speaking, the poorer person summers where he winters.Collection: Summer
Scientists are rarely to be counted among the fun people. Awkward at parties, shy with strangers, deficient in irony – they have had no choice but to turn their attention to the close study of everyday objects.Collection: Fun