Eddie Izzard
That's no good, I can't steal from the fairly well off and give to the moderately impoverished! That's not gonna swing, is it?Collection: Swings
San Francisco! City of dreaming spires, people live here... Golden Gate Bridge, ahh the Romans came here.Collection: Dream
But puberty was... well, before puberty, at school, I didn't tell kids I was a transvestite 'cause I thought they might kill me with sticks, you know?Collection: School
I just play to progressive audiences. You know, if they're watching Discovery Channel, History Channel, that kind of thing, "Monty Python" have already laid the groundwork. They're known around the world. People like that kind of surrealist, left-field humor, and that's what I do. And "Saturday Night Live," a lot of American humor. "The Simpsons," above all, the weird, left-field humor, which I love. And sardonic. So that's all I'm doing. I find that audience, and they're in every developed country around the world.Collection: Country
I think I'm actually a mainstream, popcorn-eating kid. I've always been that, so I'd sit there watching action movies and American moves before I watch other movies quite often because I am that kid. But I've pushed into the more alternative area because that's where it gets really interesting creatively.Collection: Moving
There's not much makeup in the army, is there? No. They only have that nighttime look, and that's a bit slapdash, isn't it?Collection: Funny
If you get too well-known in comedy, I do believe it blocks people from taking you in drama.Collection: Block
When I watched Braveheart I was in tears and I was rooting for the Scottish peopleCollection: People
I'd like to have sex with myself.Collection: Sex
I've done a bit of Latin in my time...but I can control it.Collection: Funny
People still talk about a British sense of humour, or French slapstick or how the Germans have no sense of humour - and it's just rubbish. I do strongly feel that we are all the bloody same.Collection: People
"I've done your dog. It's got nine eyes down the side, I made his head all square, 15 legs. What do you think of that?" "Fido looks a bit weird."Collection: Funny
Everyone gets cards at the beginning of life. I am transgender, I decided to be honest and tell everyone about it, and that's it.Collection: Cards
The bottom line of comedy is to be funny, and the bottom line of drama is to be truthful. You can be truthful and funny, but if you're not truthful in a drama than the audience leaves you.Collection: Drama
You piss me off you Salmon... You're too expensive in restaurants.Collection: Money
Cable cars are fun – everyone gets on board and becomes a rhesus monkey.Collection: Fun
When I was seven, I said, “I want to act.” When I was 10, I realized that films exist, and I wanted to be in them. Not a comedian, I wanted to be a dramatic actor. Films just seemed such fun, and like such a great thing to do.Collection: Fun