Dov Davidoff
Latin women enjoy being women more than other women.Collection: Latin
Maybe necrophiliacs are just people that want to have sex without a lot of talking.Collection: Sex
My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.Collection: Struggle
Vegas; one of the few places still encouraging men in their fifties to dress like their in a boy-band from the 80's.Collection: Boys
Why hasn't anyone opened a night club named 'No Drugs Allowed, Wink, Wink'?Collection: Night
Sleep is over rated, then again so is being awake.Collection: Sleep
If you love sleep, you'll really enjoy death.Collection: Death
Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing.Collection: White
The fabric of society is woven together by the needle of suppression and denial.Collection: Society
Many television weather-women were one abusive parent away from prostitution.Collection: Weather
Most people that commit to a life of celibacy weren't leaving that much on the table in the first place.Collection: People
Laughing at ones own attempt at humor while saying things just come to me should be punishable by death.Collection: Laughing
Love is nature's LSD. You're going to see things that aren't really there.Collection: Love Is
Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.Collection: Self Esteem
I'd like you much better if you didn't like yourself so much.Collection: Like You
I like shitty strip clubs. They look like what they are. I know what to expect. Unlike Congress, at least we know everybody is for sale.Collection: Looks
If I were a gynecologist, I'd say things like, Okay, enough of the small talk. Let's check under the hood.Collection: Gynecologists
Few things are more annoying than too many of any one ethnicity in the same room.Collection: Ethnicity
Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.Collection: Air
Violence is never the answer, unless you don't feel like talking.Collection: Talking
Women want a man who is sensitive, but god forbid you can't get it up after being frightened by a small woodland animal.Collection: Animal
We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value.Collection: Holiday
You're pregnant? Congratulations, the world needs another mindless, semiliterate consumer.Collection: Congratulations
Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going.Collection: Expectations
Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.Collection: Happiness
I'm pretty happy for someone who struggles with happiness.Collection: Happiness
Few things interest me more than the things people don't say.Collection: People
It's difficult to feel silly and depressed at the same time, but I manage.Collection: Silly
We're born alone and we die alone. So in between, let's spend time with people that make us feel good... or at least put-out.Collection: People
All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.Collection: Promise
Women often use large fake breasts like a gun, pointing the weapon at you in an attempt to garner the attention their father never gave them.Collection: Father
When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships.Collection: Snakes
I've never understood why anybody makes a big deal about mansions. It's just a house with more rooms. You still have to face yourself.Collection: House
Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach.Collection: Beach
Writing a new film about cereal killers. Not serial killers, cereal killers. The main character can eat two, three boxes at a time.Collection: Writing
If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.Collection: Pigs
I'm neither professional fighter nor physicist, therefore on some level I will always consider myself a failure.Collection: Levels
People would be so much more interesting if they'd behave like who they are, and not like what they think others expect them to be.Collection: Thinking
You know you've lived in LA to long when what you fear most about prison is a lack of organic produce.Collection: Long
You forget how crazy people are in New York, all the people on the sidewalk. When you leave here, everyone's in their car. But I get back here - I just went to throw something in the garbage, and there was a guy in the garbage. And he wasn't looking in it; he is in it, looking out over 9th Ave like a fisherman.Collection: New York
Homemade' sounds much better when not referring to tattoos.Collection: Tattoo
Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years.Collection: Years
The more I get to know people, the less I know about people.Collection: People
I consider myself a patriot, but not for the traditional reasons. I'm just really passionate about apple pie.Collection: Apples
I'd put my faith in god, but I haven't met him, and I've been hurt before.Collection: Hurt
I'd find myself more interesting if I weren't with me all the time.Collection: Interesting
Is it a bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend makes you say things like, Satan is a myth... I guess.Collection: Girlfriend
I can always tell when a girl comes from a good family because she's what's known as not at all attracted to me.Collection: Girl
Perhaps being hated in the right way is preferable to being loved in the wrong one.Collection: Way