Zach Braff
I definitely try to play a common man in my roles so people can identify with my characters, but the truth of the matter is that it doesn't really matter what I do or my lines are, I'm still Zach Braff, and people know I'm better than them.Collection: Character
You want to know the secret of my success? Let me tell you about eugenics.Collection: Eugenics
I've turned down a lot of proposed scripts for Scrubs episodes, mainly ones with AIDs patients. It sickens me, really. If you don't want AIDs, don't be a ice cream man. Or African. I'm neither and I'm fine.Collection: Men
I actually did ponder doing the Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie thing and get a kid from Ethiopia. But you know, I already have an ashtray.Collection: Kids
Over half a century on and they're still complaining about it. Compare it to the fact that Garden State didn't win an Oscar and they seem a little petty if you ask me. I guess that just goes to show what kind of people they really are.Collection: Winning
One of the things about Scrubs is that it's about great friendships and... as broad and as serious as we get it's always really about friendship. It's about getting through the challenging parts of your life with the help of your friends.Collection: Challenges
I'm a film geek man. I love toys. I love everything in filmmaking, so for me to just be around this technology is just so cool to watch it being used for the first time, some of the stuff.Collection: Technology
I always wanted to direct movies. That's what I set out to do. When I was a little kid I just dreamed of making movies, and I went to film school [at Northwestern University].Collection: School
Hitler was about population control.Collection: Population
I wouldn't say I'm bigger than Jesus. If I had to guess, I'd say probably, yeah, but as far as I know, the bible is never clear on this.Collection: Jesus
You always see black people complaining about this and that, but you never see me complaining about how slow they work on my plantation.Collection: People
Maybe that's all that family really is, a group of people who all miss the same imaginary place.Collection: People
Oh I love children, but I could never eat a whole one.Collection: Children
Am I really gonna deny someone the opportunity of a lifetime just because they met me 5 easters early?Collection: Easter
So I was at the gas station the other day, and I saw that there was braille on the pumps. I don't see how they can cater to blind drivers. I mean, there are certain rights you should lose once you lose what makes you a person.Collection: Mean
If nothing else, I'm making a movie that I'll enjoy.Collection: Enjoy
The biggest problem I had with starring in Scrubs were the black doctors. I just had to keep telling myself this show was satire.Collection: Doctors
Yeah i saw An Inconvenient Truth, and i dont want to say it was preachy but let's not kid ourselves, i've got far more important work to doCollection: Kids
One time a reporter asked me what my worst quality was. I looked him in the eyes then punched him in the face. I kind of felt bad about it later, but he didn't need to be rude.Collection: Eye
When I let some girl take me in her mouth I think this is what Jesus must feel like during communion.Collection: Girl
It's all about being a part of something in the community, socializing with people who share interests and coming together to help improve the world we live in.Collection: People
Well I don't like to think too far ahead because it scares me a little to think of what this world will come to after I'm gone, but I suppose life will have to go on, right? At least everyone will still be able to watch reruns of Scrubs.Collection: Thinking
Women are like parking spots, the best ones are handicapped.Collection: Spots
I believe the general consensus is the bigger it is, the more women flock to you. I guess its a good thing mine is HUGE!Collection: Believe
One time I considered making a video game about my life where people control a character called 'Zach Braff' and run around being awesome. Then I realized that getting to pretend to be me would be like shooting up heroin for anyone who played it, and I don't want that on my conscience.Collection: Running
I donno, it's not impressive. Once I put ear plugs in and put a blind fold on for like 14 minutes and I did just fine.Collection: Ears
There is one person I can think of better than me. And that's Zach Braff. What a cool guy.Collection: Thinking
At this point I feel like I could go out and accomplish anything. I'd just love to see Will Smith's face if he found out I, Z-Braff, have the number one rap album in the country. That'd show that no-talent uncle tom.Collection: Country
Now that 'Scrubs' is over, people seem to feel more comfortable telling me that I was a total douche to them for the past 8 years. And the whole time I'm thinking, 'Who ARE you?'Collection: Past
I was originally casted to be in the Superman movie but I read the script and realized that it was mysteriously similar to my screenplay for Zach Braff the Movie.Collection: Scripts
People still make New Year's resolutions? Wow. I figured those were pointless once I perfected myself by directing, writing, and acting in Garden State. I guess it makes sense, though. It gives people a chance to hope that they can become as great as me someday.Collection: New Year
I never go easy on kids when I play board games. The sooner they learn what the consequence of entering a competition is, the better. If they win, I punch them in the face like any adult.Collection: Kids
Didn't we learn our lesson from Planet of the Apes?Collection: Lessons
People keep asking me whether I'm going to vote for Obama or McCain in the election. But I'm like, why bother? There will never be another leader as good as he was.Collection: People
The only real difference between hookers, stippers, sluts and regualar women how many times you can hit them before they cry. Hookers can really take a punch, I'll tell you that much.Collection: Real
I'm not lazy, I drive everywhere myself, the dog could've learned something from me.Collection: Dog
It turns out Superman is weak to Kryptonite and horses.Collection: Horse
The easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly.Collection: Want
That cyclone in Burma? That was just me doing the dance to that annoying ass song.Collection: Song
You know, I've occasionally tried to watch other shows besides Scrubs, but comparing them is a bit like me competing in the special Olympics. Obviously I would win without contest, but the point is that they are trying their best.Collection: Winning
I'm not sure when or why the tabloid angle on me was decided that I am a cad. I would have much rather it had been that I am secretly a dentist or that I love soup.Collection: Tabloids
You know I was just taking a dump one day, and then as I sat there I realized, I really do deserve better.Collection: Deserve Better
It really is fascinating stuff, and I've picked it up on Scrubs. Memorizing lines is at least as hard as studying a text book, I mean, by this point I know about as much as most 'real' doctors.Collection: Real
I did theater for a few years while I was in New York, but it was tough having to perform scripts worse than what I knew I could write.Collection: New York
The problem with doing commercials is that the only thing good enough for me to sell is myself, and I stopped doing that once I kicked my coke habit.Collection: Coke
I've always wanted to have kids of my own, it's just tough finding a woman I wouldn't be wasting my DNA on.Collection: Kids
Sometimes I regret not being Catholic. I think I'd make a pretty good saint.Collection: Regret
Prohibition didn't work, so why should emancipation work? I think we should just stick with a system that has proven to be effective.Collection: Thinking
When things seem to be slowing down, there's this little trick I like to play. I'd plow this virgin who's on her period, and after I'm done I'd just run out into the living room, or the dance floor, with all that bloody goop on my junk and yell, OH MY GOD, I'VE BEEN SHOT IN THE NADS! Yeah, good times.Collection: Running