Red Buttons
Clint Eastwood's sex therapist, who said to Clint, Do it any which way you can, but no sudden impact. Never got a dinner!Collection: Sex
Sydney Poitier, who said to Lester Maddox, Guess who's not coming to dinner? Never got a dinner!Collection: Dinner
Joseph Cotten, who said, You know how I got my name? Sammy Davis picked it for me. Never got a dinner!Collection: Names
Lot, who said to his wife as she was being turned into a pillar of salt, Stop shaking! Never got a dinner!Collection: Wife
Dinah Shore? Wonderful woman. Dinah formed a foundation to locate missing senior citizens by putting their pictures on prune juice bottles.Collection: Senior
Uncle Remus, who said to Uncle Ben, You're a credit to your rice. Never got a dinner!Collection: Uncles
Burt Reynolds, great sex symbol of the movies, who said, I owe it all to one great part. Never got a dinner!Collection: Sex
Adam, who said to our Lord in the Garden of Eden, I got more ribs - you got more broads? Never got a dinner!Collection: Garden
Dolly Parton, who said to her doctor, Are you sure it's a chest cold? Never got a dinner!Collection: Doctors
Simon Peter, who embarrassed the other disciples at the Last Supper by asking for seconds. Never got a dinner!Collection: Asking
Ninety isn't old. You're old when your doctor doesn't X-ray you any more - he just holds you up to the light!Collection: Doctors
John Travolta, who said, My Saturday night fever was nothing compared to my Sunday morning rash. Never got a dinner!Collection: Morning
Moses, who said when the Red Sea parted, What the hell was that? I was just going in for a dip! Never got a dinner!Collection: Sea
Noah's wife, who said to Noah, Don't let the elephants watch the rabbits. Never got a dinner!Collection: Elephants
Henry Ford, who despite his immense wealth never owned a Cadillac. Never got a dinner!Collection: Cadillacs
Christopher Columbus, who said to Queen Isabella, No, you got it wrong! The world is round. You're flat! Never got a dinner!Collection: Queens
Ray Charles, who said to Stevie Wonder, Maybe we're white. Never got a dinner!Collection: White
William Tell's son, Telly, who said as his father was pointing the bow and arrow at the apple on his head, There's gotta be an easier way to kill worms. Never got a dinner!Collection: Father
Ben Hur, who said to his sister Ben Him, We'd better swap names before they start calling me Ben Gay! Never got a dinner!Collection: Gay
The Invisible Man, who said to his wife, I don't care if it looks silly, don't stop! Never got a dinner!Collection: Silly
Joan Rivers, who said to Marcel Marceau, Can we talk? Never got a dinner!Collection: Rivers
Crispus Attucks, who said, Don't shoot till you see the whites! Never got a dinner!Collection: Dinner
Alexander Graham Bell's wife, who said to Alex on their wedding night, Your three minutes are up. Never got a dinner!Collection: Night
Moses, who said to the Israelites, Stop calling me Charlton! Never got a dinner!Collection: Calling
Alex Hailey, who traced his roots all the way to the back of the bus. Never got a dinner!Collection: Roots
Stan Musial, who said, Why didn't they make me the first Polish pope? I was such a good Cardinal. Never got a dinner!Collection: Dinner
Saint Christopher, who said, Where can I get a Frank Sinatra medal? Never got a dinner!Collection: Saint
The Hunchback of Notre-Dame, who said to his tailor Irving, Forget the slacks - please work on the blazer! Never got a dinner!Collection: Dames
Steven Spielberg's mother, who said to E.T., I don't care where you're from, you're here and you're gonna get bar mitzvahed! Never got a dinner!Collection: Mother
Some of the most famous people in history never got a dinner!Collection: People
Dr. Spock, who said, Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. Never got a dinner!Collection: Kids
Pope John Paul II's press secretary, who said, See, if only the Pope were Italian, he woulda shot back! Never got a dinner!Collection: Italian
J. Paul Getty, who still hasn't been buried - they keep finding oil! Never got a dinner!Collection: Oil
Julius Caesar's wife, who said to Julius, We are not naming our son Sid! Never got a dinner!Collection: Son
The Mayor of Hong Kong, who said Can't work today. Have American flu. Never got a dinner!Collection: Flu
Peter Minuet, who said to the Indians in modern-day Manhattan, Will you accept a check from a Puerto Rican bank? Never got a dinner!Collection: Manhattan
Pliny the Elder, who when Rome was burning requested Nero to play You Picked a Fine Time to Leave Me, Lucille. Never got a dinner!Collection: Rome
Billy Carter, who asked his brother Jimmy, Do you think you could get me on the Gong Show? Never got a dinner!Collection: Brother
Sleeping Beauty, who said to Prince Charming, Are you sure all we did was kiss? Never got a dinner!Collection: Sleep
Moshe Dayan, who said to Sammy Davis, Jr., That's funny, to me you only look half Jewish. Never got a dinner!Collection: Looks
Long John Silver's wife, Short, who said to John, If the shoe fits... Never got a dinner!Collection: Shoes
Moshe Dayan, who donated his eye to CBS. Never got a dinner!Collection: Eye
The Puerto Rican doctor, who wrote all his prescriptions with spray paint. Never got a dinner!Collection: Doctors
Dean Martin's pancreas, who overheard his liver singing I got a right to sing the blues. Never got a dinner!Collection: Singing
Making you a pioneer only means one thing. You were around at the time.Collection: Mean