Josh Billings
If you believe you can do something, then you can acquire the ability to do it even if you didn't have it in the beginning.Collection: Motivational
There are very few good judges of humor, and they don't agree.Collection: Judging
Theory looks well on paper, but does not amount to anything without practice.Collection: Practice
I never question a success, any more than I do the right of a bulldog to lie in his own gateway.Collection: Dog
Menny think tha luv their husbands almost tew deth, when in fack, tha are only jealous ov them.Collection: Husband
The man who ain't got an enemy is really poor.Collection: Men
Fortune is like a coquette; if you don't run after her, she will run after you.Collection: Running
Fun is a sugar-coated physic.Collection: Fun
It AIN'T so much the things we don't know that get us into trouble. It's the things we know that just ain't so.Collection: Learning
Seneca devoted much of his time to writing essays in praise of poverty, and in lending money at usurious rates.Collection: Writing
Every man should know something of law; if he knows enough to keep out of it, he is a pretty good lawyer.Collection: Men
Early genius, like early cabbage, does not head well.Collection: Doe
Our continual desire for praise ought to convince us of our mortality, if nothing else will.Collection: Convince Us
Pride seems tew be quite equally distributed; the man who owns the carriage and the man who drives it seem tew have it just alike.Collection: Pride
Ill-nature is a sort of running sore of the disposition.Collection: Running
Love is like the measles; we can't have it bad but once, and the later in life we have it the tougher it goes with us.Collection: Love Is
Music wasn't made to make us wise, but better natured.Collection: Wise
One legged chickens, I know, are the least apt to scratch a garden.Collection: Garden
If the world despises a hypocrite, what must they think of him in heaven?Collection: Hypocrite
It iz comparitively eazy tew repent ov the sins that we hav committed, but tew repent ov thoze which we intend to commit, is asking tew mutch ov enny man, now days.Collection: Men
It strains a man's philosophy the worst kind to laugh when he gets beat.Collection: Philosophy
I don't never have any trouble in regulating my own conduct, but to keep other folks' straight is what bothers me.Collection: Hypocrisy
Beauty is a very handy thing to have, especially for a woman who ain't handsome.Collection: Beauty
...But why discourse Upon the Virtues of the Horse? They are too numerous to tell Save when you have a Horse to Sell.Collection: Horse
Faith is the soul riding at anchor.Collection: Anchors
Poverty is one of them kind of misfortunes that we all of us dread but none of us pity.Collection: Poverty
The man who gets bit twice by the same dog is better adapted for that kind of business than any other.Collection: Dog
Don't take the bull by the horns, take him by the tail; then you can let go when you want to.Collection: Letting Go
There's tons of people that spend a lot time watching their well being, they have not acquired time to take pleasure in it.Collection: People
It ain't no disgrace for a man to fall, but to lie there and grunt is.Collection: Lying
A slander is like a hornet; if you cannot kill it dead at the first blow, better not to strike at it.Collection: Blow
It's a wise man who profits by his own experience, but it's a good deal wiser one who lets the rattlesnake bite the other fellow.Collection: Wise
I hate to be a kicker, I always long for peace, But the wheel that does the squeaking, is the one that gets the grease.Collection: Hate
It is a great deal easier for a man to find a pedigree to fit his virtues than virtues to fit his pedigree.Collection: Men
Newfoundland dogs are good to save children from drowning, but you must have a pond of water handy and a child, or else there will be no profit in boarding a Newfoundland.Collection: Funny
Perseverance is king.Collection: Perseverance
Ignorance is the wet-nurse of prejudice.Collection: Ignorance
We should make virtue our master, not our servant.Collection: Virtue
Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess.Collection: Honesty
Titles are valuable; they make us acquainted with many persons who otherwise would be lost among the rubbish.Collection: Titles
People who have nothing to say are never at a loss in talking.Collection: Loss
If mankind were only just what they pretend to be, the problem of the millennium would be immediately solved.Collection: Deceit
Advice can be like cod liver oil, easy enough to administer but not so pleasant to take for anybody.Collection: Oil
The soul has more diseases than the body.Collection: Soul
Incredulity is the wisdom of the fool.Collection: Fool
Fuss is half-sister to hurry, and neither of them can do anything without getting in their own way.Collection: Half
Metaphysics is the science of proving what we don't understand.Collection: Metaphysics
It's not ignorance does so much damage; it's knowin' so derned much that ain't so.Collection: Ignorance
Doesn't know much, but leads the league in nostril hair.Collection: Sarcastic