John Fugelsang
I've come to view Jesus much the way I view Elvis. I love the guy but the fan clubs really freak me out.Collection: Funny
Who wouldn't want to vote for a guy who was a peaceful, radical, non-violent revolutionary; who hung around with lepers, hookers, and crooks; who never spoke English; was not an American citizen; anti-capitalism; totally anti-death penalty; anti-public prayer (Matthew 6:5); but never once anti-gay; didn't mention abortion; and was a long-haired, brown-skinned, homeless, middle-eastern, Jew?Collection: Prayer
Only in America can you be Pro-Death Penalty, Pro-War, Pro-Unmanned Drone Bombs, Pro-Nuclear Weapons, Pro-Guns, Pro-Torture, Pro-Land Mines, AND still call yourself 'Pro-Life.'Collection: Military
If you don't want your tax dollars to help the poor, then stop saying that you want a country based on Christian values. Because you don't!Collection: Christian
The greatest threat to America is not foreign terrorists, its domestic morons.Collection: America
Obama is not a brown-skinned anti-war socialist who gives away free healthcare. You're thinking of Jesus.Collection: Jesus
Jesus never called the poor 'lazy,' fought for tax cuts for the wealthiest Nazarenes or asked a leper for a copay.Collection: Jesus
Loving the Second Amendment while opposing the NRA is every bit as natural as loving Jesus while opposing Westboro Baptist Church.Collection: Jesus
Gay Marriage isn't Special Rights, it's Equal Rights. 'Special Rights' are for political churches that don't pay taxes.Collection: Gay
You complain and demand zero compromise - so the GOP obstructs Obama so the economy doesn't improve - then you complain and demand even more zero compromise. Then you get to blame Obama for the slow recovery, which is sorta like John Wilkes Booth blaming Lincoln for missing the end of a play.Collection: Zero
People get God and religion confused. I think God is a bit too hip to join any of his unauthorized fan clubs.Collection: Confused
Being gay is natural. Hating gay is a lifestyle choice.Collection: Hate
My mother was an ex-nun, and my father was a Franciscan brother, so I grew up believing in Jesus the way anyone would believe in Mom's first husband.Collection: Mom
If you were a freak as a kid, you're an interesting adult.Collection: Kids
America doesn't have an abortion problem - it has an unwanted pregnancy problem, and an abortion symptom.Collection: Pregnancy
But Al Jazeera America represents something more than news that isn’t profit or ratings driven — they represent foreign investment in a country where the two-party system outsourced your jobs. They represent facts over opinion and they represent our cultures coming together just a little more, whether you bigots like it or not.Collection: Country
Impeach President Reagan retroactively for agreeing with Obama on the assault weapons ban.Collection: Gun
Blaming Obama for Iraq violence is like blaming Daniel Craig because Octopussy sucked.Collection: Iraq
I will kill the BackStreet Boys by beating them with the members of N-Sync.Collection: Boys
I think there is a spiritual hunger, and I think that people are really tired of getting kind of a two-dimensional take on religion in most of the media.Collection: Spiritual
Nixon was a conservative who’s way more liberal than his party can admit, and Obama’s a liberal who’s way more conservative than his party can admit.Collection: Party
We live in a country where voting rights get gutted but Sharknado gets a sequel.Collection: Country
I was the biggest George Harrison fanatic in the world. He was raised Catholic; my parents are both ex-clergy, so I was raised Catholic, and I admired how he used his faith.Collection: Parent
I wasn't any good at sports, but I could name all the presidents by the time I was six. I've always been very interested in politics and in religion.Collection: Sports
Anti-Tax fetishist Grover Norquist owns a bust of Ronald Reagan, who raised taxes 11 times.Collection: Taxes
The problem is that people love music and they love television, but people don't love music on TV.Collection: People
Stand-up led to me doing solo shows, which led to me being offered my first broadcasting job, being a VJ.Collection: Jobs
Can we please rename The Sandy Relief Bill to the Supplemental Iraq War Funding Bill so the GOP Congress can vote for it?Collection: War
I enjoy growth; I enjoy having a lot of different experiences. And I don't think I am the kind of guy who'd like to do the same thing every day for 40 years.Collection: Thinking