Douglas Adams
Humans think they are smarter than dolphins because we build cars and buildings and start wars etc., and all that dolphins do is swim in the water, eat fish and play around. Dolphins believe that they are smarter for exactly the same reasons.Collection: War
Numbers written on restaurant bills within the confines of restaurants do not follow the same mathematical laws as numbers written on any other pieces of paper in any other parts of the Universe. This single fact took the scientific world by storm.Collection: Food
The great thing about being the only species that makes a distinction between right and wrong is that we can make up the rules for ourselves as we go along.Collection: Crazy
I wanted to be John Cleese. It took me some time to realise that the job was taken.Collection: Jobs
As a result of all this hardship, dirt, thirst, and wombats, you would expect Australians to be a dour lot. Instead, they are genial, jolly, cheerful, and always willing to share a kind word with a stranger, unless they are an American.Collection: Cheerful
The Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy also mentions alcohol. It says that the best drink in existence is the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster, the effect of which is like having your brains smashed out with a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick.Collection: Alcohol
He had got himself a life. Now he had to find a purpose in it.Collection: Purpose
Don't spin your wheels and stress. Take a deep breath, center yourself and make a plan.Collection: Stress
The argument goes something like this: "I refuse to prove that I exist," says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith I am nothing.Collection: Atheist
Sherlock Holmes observed that once you have eliminated the impossible then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the answer. I, however, do not like to eliminate the impossible.Collection: Truth
A life that is burdened with expectations is a heavy life. Its fruit is sorrow and disappointment.Collection: Disappointment
So long, and thanks for all the fish.Collection: Democracies Have
I come in peace...Take me to your lizard.Collection: Lizards
If life is going to exist in a Universe of this size, then the one thing it cannot afford to have is a sense of proportion.Collection: Philosophical
Why' is the only question that bothers people enough to have an entire letter of the alphabet named after it. The alphabet does not go 'A B C D What? When? How?' but it does go 'V W X Why? Z.Collection: People
So the hours are pretty good then?' he resumed. The Vogon stared down at him as sluggish thoughts moiled around in the murky depths. Yeah,' he said, 'but now you come to mention it, most of the actual minutes are pretty lousy.Collection: Depth
Yes, I think I use the term radical rather loosely, just for emphasis. If you describe yourself as atheist some people will say, Don't you mean agnostic? I have to reply that I really do mean atheist, I really do not believe that there is a god; in fact, I am convinced that there is not a god (a subtle difference). I see not a shred of evidence to suggest that there is one...etc., etc. It's easier to say that I am a radical atheist, just to signal that I really mean it, have thought about it a great deal and that it's an opinion I hold seriously.Collection: Being Yourself
'The difficulty with this conversation,' said Arthur after a sort of pondering look had crawled slowly across his face like a mountaineer negotiating a tricky outcrop, 'is that it's very different from most of the ones I've had of late. Which, as I explained, have mostly been with trees.'Collection: Tree
Time affords us the ability to blame past errors on others while whole heartedly pronouncing our futures successes.Collection: Past
Assumptions are what we don't know we are makingCollection: Assumption
Presidents don't have power. Their job is to draw attention away from it.Collection: Jobs
Most of the time spent wrestling with technologies that don’t quite work yet is just not worth it for end users, however much fun it is for nerds.Collection: Fun
If there’s anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.Collection: Important
I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.Collection: About Writing
Space is big. You just won’t believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it’s a long way down the road to the chemist’s, but that’s just peanuts to space.Collection: Space
I’d far rather be happy than right any day.Collection: Happiness
You can’t dodge your responsibilities by saying they don’t exist!Collection: Responsibility
There was a point to this story, but it has temporarily escaped the chronicler’s mind.Collection: Stories
The fact is, I don’t know where my ideas come from. Nor does any writer. The only real answer is to drink way too much coffee and buy yourself a desk that doesn’t collapse when you beat your head against it.Collection: Real
If there’s any real truth, it’s that the entire multidimensional infinity of the Universe is almost certainly being run by a bunch of maniacs.Collection: Real
You just come along with me and have a good time. The Galaxy’s a fun place. You’ll need to have this fish in your ear.Collection: Fun
We notice things that don’t work. We don’t notice things that do. We notice computers, we don’t notice pennies. We notice e-book readers, we don’t notice books.Collection: Book
He didn’t know why he had become president of the galaxy, except that it seemed a fun thing to be.Collection: Fun
It’s guff. It doesn’t advance the action. It makes for nice fat books such as the American market thrives on, but it doesn’t actually get you anywhere.Collection: Book
The books people are writing today, they’re too long. You get a little bit of plot, and then pages and pages of Creative Writing. They teach classes in how to do this. They should teach classes in how to stop!Collection: Book
Radio did not kill books and television did not kill radio or movies – what television did kill was cinema newsreel. TV does it much better because it can deliver it instantly. Who wants last week’s news?Collection: Book