Bo Burnham
Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it's really fun to do and Oprah's on it.Collection: Funny
I'm interested in taboos for certain reasons. They can dramatise things and they're scary, and they're important to think about. I'm also wary about the fact that if you don't proceed with caution and understand what you're doing, you understand these things are realities that you're dealing with, they're real things.Collection: Real
When I tried to hit puberty I swung and I missed.Collection: Funny
I don't like calling myself a "feminist" only because I don't think I've done anything active enough to call myself one. It'd be like calling myself a civil rights activist just because I'm not racist.Collection: Thinking
Nothing's true that I say, because I don't really want to say anything. I don't think my life's that cool, and I don't think my opinion's that valid. They're just silly jokes. Usually I just take a topic that isn't funny at all, like Shakespeare, and work backwards. I just try to find an unfunny subject.Collection: Silly
I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.Collection: Bipolar
If your belief is hateful towards people, I couldn't respect that.Collection: People
Poverty. Racism. Isn't it strange, only the homeless are begging for change?Collection: Funny
Women are like puzzles because prior to 1920 neither had the right to vote. Puzzles still don't.Collection: Funny
If you can think of all the times in your life, some of the happiest times were probably when you were laughing. And some of the worst times in your life you were being laughed at.Collection: Thinking
Do you guys like impressions? "Why?" That was Socrates.Collection: Guy
I'm gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face.Collection: Funny
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I'm thankful for all of you. I am not thankful for the pilgrims. Buckles should never be on hats.Collection: Happy Thanksgiving
Women are like fingers and toes because they're easy to count on.Collection: Funny
Love is all about... whistles.Collection: Love Is
I see young people being dismissed for supposedly wanting only "stupid" and "easy" material, or that they don't have an attention span longer than three minutes. I disagree with all those statements; I just think they aren't true. I'm saying that our generation wants stuff that is substantial and challenging, as well as thoughtful and endearing. Well, I don't know if I'm doing that, but I'm trying.Collection: Stupid
I'd really love to make something that doesn't involve my stupid face.Collection: Stupid
For fifteen cents a day you can feed an African, they eat pennies.Collection: Funny
When life gets you down, make a comforter!Collection: Funny
I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me.Collection: Said
I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.Collection: Funny
What's a pirate minus the ship? just a creative homeless guyCollection: Funny
And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.Collection: Funny
Then the challenge is, once you left brain it and build it, then when you're on stage you have to know it so well that you can get lost in it. I don't want to be onstage looking like a robot, I want to be at the end of the day very emotional and what feels like someone being up there rather than reciting things. That's always the challenge, to analyze and then somehow lose yourself in something you absolutely know backwards and forwards. And nothing's going to surprise you, but you have to be surprised by it and let it surprise you.Collection: Emotional
If I have enough money to support myself, I'll just give stuff away. I just, I want people to see it and I want to be able to do this for a living, you know what I mean? So it's just a balance. If I'm not doing well for five years, then I'm selling stuff, but if I'm doing well and I can afford to give stuff away, I'll always do that.Collection: Mean
I got a safe full of cherries 'cause I pop it and lock it.Collection: Funny
There's a metal train that a mile long and at the very back end a lightning bolt struck her. How long til it reaches and kills the driver, provided that he's a good conductor?Collection: Funny
My persona on stage was always coming from a place of I know better than you and I'm going to be a little bit pretentious in your face with these sort of crass ideas.Collection: Ideas
I know it's the comedian's instinct to say, "Do it, man, nothing's off-limits! It's cool, bro!" I don't know if that's the answer for me. "Do I really want to make a joke about a miscarriage when a woman in the audience might have had one?" I don't worship comedy; at the end of the day I don't fall to the altar of comedy unquestioningly.Collection: Fall
Happy Thanksgiving! I broke into Best Buy and stole a copy of Pocahontas to celebrate.Collection: Happy Thanksgiving
My persona is most importantly just to communicate the material in a way that is most funny and meaningful in the moment. It's more like a character that's sculpted for whatever joke needs communicating at the moment.Collection: Meaningful
I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.Collection: Funny
Back home they call me the tie-dye shirt kid. Well, that and faggot.Collection: Funny
People ask me all the time, ALL the time, they say the same exact thing. They say, 'Bo, you're an artist... how do we fix Africa?'Collection: Funny
My work is trying to at least define myself on my own terms, and then if other people enjoy things that's a lovely addition.Collection: People
I always wanted to be a comedian and actor. I basically stumbled into the music medium, though. I'm OK, but that's about it. I like to think I'm good enough not to negatively affect the performance.Collection: Thinking
I've been doin' drive-bys all of my life. Except the bullets are newspapers, the car is my bike.Collection: Car
I thought I wanted to be a physicist in high school until I learned that there was much more math than philosophy in it. I assumed I would just sit around all day and think.Collection: Philosophy
People give me money and I don't know why, my real collection plate is an empty cup held by a homeless guy.Collection: Real
Comedy should be a source of positivity. I don't want to bully people, and I don't want people to come to my show to feel terrible about something. I'm actually very open to having a conversation about what I should or shouldn't say.Collection: Positivity
And two balls minus one, six titles at the tour de France.Collection: Funny
Bitches and hoes don't exist because the hoes know Bo's a feminist.Collection: Hoe
Even if he is your friend, never, ever call an Asian person.Collection: Asian
I've found, across the board, that comedians have been very respectful and kind to me. And that seems to stem from the fact that they are just respectful and kind people in general. Comedians get a bad rap for being dark and anti-social I think.Collection: Rap
The biggest danger, for me, with making yourself your act is that a lot of people with think they know you for better or worse. That's an ongoing struggle with me and it can get really trippy sometimes. I try to be strong about it and assure myself that only my close friends and family can really pass judgement on me personally, but it's impossible to not let it get to you.Collection: Strong
Drugs kill, just like cancer. So don't smoke... tumors.Collection: Funny
I'm a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch.Collection: Funny
I'm not a grown up until everybody realises I'm a grown up. When everyone remembers me as the dirty kid singing little songs I am the dirty little kid.Collection: Song