Alexander Woollcott
Many of us spend half of our time wishing for things we could have if we didn't spend half our time wishing.Collection: Wisdom
It comes from the likes of you! Take what you can get! Grab the chances as they come along! Act in hallways! Sing in doorways! Dance in cellars!Collection: Chance
Everything I like is either illegal, immoral or fattening.Collection: Funny
I'm tired of hearing it said that democracy doesn't work. Of course it doesn't work. We are supposed to work it.Collection: Government
All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.
His huff arrived and he departed in it.
Germany was the cause of Hitler as much as Chicago is responsible for the Chicago Tribune.
There is no such thing in anyone's life as an unimportant day.
The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm.
Nothing risque, nothing gained.
At 83 Shaw's mind was perhaps not quite as good as it used to be, but it was still better than anyone else's.
The two oldest professions in the world — ruined by amateurs.Collection: Two
The scenery in the play was beautiful, but the actors got in front of it.Collection: Beautiful
To all things clergic I am allergic.Collection: Religion
A hick town is one where there is no place to go where you shouldn't go.Collection: Funny
Los Angeles is seven suburbs in search of a city.Collection: Cities
There's absolutely nothing wrong with Oscar Levant that a miracle can't fix.Collection: Personality
One listens to one's lawyer prattle on as long as one can stand it and then signs where indicated.Collection: Law
At 83, George Bernard Shaw's mind was perhaps not quite as good as it used to be, but it was still better than anyone else's.Collection: Mind
A broker is a man who runs your fortune into a shoestring.Collection: Running
Reading Proust is like bathing in someone else's dirty water.Collection: Art
All the things I really like to do are either illegal, immoral, or fattening.Collection: Illegal Things
She was like a sinking ship firing on the rescuers.Collection: Sarcastic
Mrs. Patrick Cambell is an aged British battleship sinking rapidly and firing every available gun on her rescuers.Collection: Art
It was Mrs. Campbell, for instance, who, on a celebrated occasion, threw her companion into a flurry by describing her recent marriage as "the deep, deep peace of the double-bed after the hurly-burly of the chaise-longue."Collection: Marriage
You haven't lived until you died in New York.Collection: New York
I count it a high honor to belong to a profession in which the good men write every paragraph, every sentence, every line, as lovingly as any Addison or Steele, and do so in full regard that by tomorrow it will have been burned, or used, if at all, to line a shelf.Collection: Writing
Today just might be the best day to start seriously thinking about quitting smoking.Collection: Encouragement
Babies in silk hats playing with dynamite.Collection: Baby
There's nothing wrong with Oscar Levant - nothing a miracle won't cure.Collection: Art