Hilarious Quotes

Top hilarious Quotes Collection - Page 2

Discover a curated collection of hilarious quotes. Find inspiration, motivation, and wisdom from the best quotes in this category. Page 2 provides more hilarious quotes.

Image of Ashleigh Brilliant

Look how often the unexpected happens - yet we still never expect it.
- Ashleigh Brilliant
Collection: Hilarious

Image of Miguel de Cervantes

The reason for the unreason with which you treat my reason , so weakens my reason that with reason I complain of your beauty.
- Miguel de Cervantes
Collection: Hilarious

Image of Hillary Clinton

Motown, Motown, that's my era. Those are my people.
- Hillary Clinton
Collection: Hilarious

Image of Dan Chaon

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
- Dan Chaon
Collection: Hilarious

Image of Stephen Colbert

I believe that the government that governs best is a government that governs least, and by these standards we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
- Stephen Colbert
Collection: Hilarious

Image of Ellen DeGeneres

Do we have to know who's gay and who's straight? Can't we just love everybody and judge them by the car they drive?
- Ellen DeGeneres
Collection: Hilarious

Image of Ellen DeGeneres

Now airlines charge for everything... If the oxygen mask drops, you have to swipe your credit card to start the flow of the oxygen.
- Ellen DeGeneres
Collection: Hilarious

Image of Laurie Halse Anderson

Nicole can do anything that involves a ball and whistle.
- Laurie Halse Anderson
Collection: Hilarious

Image of Tom Cruise

Psychiatry is a pseudoscience.... You don't know the history of psychiatry. I do...Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, Matt, you don't even -you're glib. You don't even know what Ritalin is.
- Tom Cruise
Collection: Hilarious

Image of Russell Crowe

This is possibly the most shameful situation I've ever gotten myself in in my life, and I've done some pretty dumb things in my life. So to actually make a new No. 1 is spectacularly stupid.
- Russell Crowe
Collection: Hilarious

Image of Simon Cowell

I actually don't understand a word Paula's saying anymore. It's like a new language.
- Simon Cowell
Collection: Hilarious

Image of Melissa Etheridge

This is the only naked man that will ever be in my bedroom.
- Melissa Etheridge
Collection: Hilarious

Image of Colson Whitehead

Google "brooklyn writer" and you'll get, Did you mean: the future of literature as we know it?
- Colson Whitehead
Collection: Hilarious

Image of George Eliot

And certainly, the mistakes that we male and female mortals make when we have our own way might fairly raise some wonder that we are so fond of it.
- George Eliot
Collection: Hilarious

Image of Tina Fey

I think women dress for other women to let them know what their deal is. Because if women were only dressing for men, there would be nothing but Victoria's Secret. There would be no Dior.
- Tina Fey
Collection: Hilarious

Image of Mel Gibson

What are you looking at sugar-tits?
- Mel Gibson
Collection: Hilarious

Image of Matt Groening

Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and eskimos.
- Matt Groening
Collection: Hilarious

Image of Whitney Houston

Crack is cheap. I make too much money to ever smoke crack. Let's get that straight. OK? We don't do crack. We don't do that. Crack is whack.
- Whitney Houston
Collection: Hilarious

Image of Daniel Handler

Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.
- Daniel Handler
Collection: Hilarious

Image of Mindy Kaling

If you're a kid who was not especially a star in your high school, I recommend going to a college in the middle of nowhere. I got all the attention I could ever have wanted.
- Mindy Kaling
Collection: Hilarious

Image of Franz Kafka

The limited circle is pure.
- Franz Kafka
Collection: Hilarious

Image of Matthew McConaughey

We found a great rhythm. Contractions started kicking in. I sat there with her, right between her legs. We got tribal on it, we danced to it! I was DJ-ing this Brazilian music.
- Matthew McConaughey
Collection: Hilarious

Image of Dave Barry

If women were in charge of all the world's nations, there would be sincerely believe this - no military conflicts, and when there WAS a military conflict, everybody involved would feel just awful and there would soon be a high-level exchange of notes written on greeting cards with flowers on the front, followed by a Peace Luncheon
- Dave Barry
Collection: Hilarious

Image of Steven Wright

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
- Steven Wright
Collection: Hilarious

Image of Muhammad Ali

If you even dream of beating me you’d better wake up and apologize.
- Muhammad Ali
Collection: Hilarious

Image of Albert Einstein

Two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I am not yet completely sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
Collection: Hilarious

Image of Ellen DeGeneres

People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.
- Ellen DeGeneres
Collection: Hilarious

Image of Ellen DeGeneres

Do we have to know who’s gay and who’s straight? Can’t we just love everybody and judge them by the car they drive?
- Ellen DeGeneres
Collection: Hilarious

Image of Yogi Berra

If you ask me anything I don’t know, I’m not going to answer.
- Yogi Berra
Collection: Hilarious

Image of Isaac Asimov

Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov
Collection: Hilarious

Image of Robert Frost

By faithfully working eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.
- Robert Frost
Collection: Hilarious

Image of Walter Matthau

My doctor gave me six months to live, but when I couldn’t pay the bill he gave me six months more.
- Walter Matthau
Collection: Hilarious

Image of Jane Wagner

When we talk to God, we’re praying. When God talks to us, we’re schizophrenic.
- Jane Wagner
Collection: Hilarious