Roy Blount, Jr.
I heard on public radio recently, there's a thing called Weed Dating. Singles get together in a garden and weed and then they take turns, they keep matching up with other people. Two people will weed down one row and switch over with two other people. It's in Vermont. I don't think I'd be very good at Weed Dating.Collection: Dating
Think about scary movies: There's a fine line between horror and humor.Collection: Humor
Somebody informed me recently that the key to every art, from writing to gardening to sculpture, is creativity. I beg to differ.Collection: Gardening
People may think of Southern humor in terms of missing teeth and outhouse accidents, but the best of it is a rich vein running through the best of Southern literature.Collection: Humor
A good heavy book holds you down. It's an anchor that keeps you from getting up and having another gin and tonic.
According to scholars of linguistics, the relation between a word and its meaning is arbitrary.
The more you try to pin a word down, the more you realize that it has its own cape, sword and little hat.
When I weed, I like to get off into my own head. For one thing, my wife plants and I have trouble telling which plants are weeds and which are my favorite plants. So I tend to hop around and grab the weeds that I know are weeds. So I don't weed all that linearly. I tend to weed haphazardly.
The last time somebody said, 'I find I can write much better with a word processor.', I replied, 'They used to say the same thing about drugs.'
Studying literature at Harvard is like learning about women at the Mayo clinic.
Being president of too many well-meaning organizations put my father into an early grave. The lesson in this was not lost on me.
English is an outrageous tangle of those derivations and other multifarious linguistic influences, from Yiddish to Shoshone, which has grown up around a gnarly core of chewy, clangorous yawps derived from ancestors who painted themselves blue to frighten their enemies.
I just think lots of words have physicality. How about the word 'wobble?' You think that's arbitrary? When you say the word 'wince,' you wince. How about that?
I studied French in high school and German in college and I once took a 24-hour Italian crash course. English has by far the most words in it of any other language. Our money might not be worth anything anymore, but the language is.
When money gets too far away from actual, physical, real equity and property it gets too abstract and too distantly derived and then suddenly it's not worth anything anymore. And the same is true of language.
I do some eccentric dancing.
I like weeding, but I tend to think of it as a solitary activity.
To me, letters have always been a robust medium of sublimation. I don't remember what I was like before I learned my ABC's, but for as long as I can remember I have made them with my fingers and felt them in my bones.
I have written some of the clumsiest, most clogged-yet-vagrant, hobbledehoyish, hitch-slipping sentences ever conceived by the human mind.
Anyone who undertakes the literary grind had better like playing around with words.
We don't want bookstores to die. Authors need them, and so do neighborhoods.
Get your friends together, go to your local bookstore and have a book-buying party.
There will be birthdays in the next twelve months; books keep well; they're easy to wrap: buy those books now. Buy replacements for any books looking raggedy on your shelves.
It's my belief that sanity lies in realizing that reality is not exactly what we had in mind.Collection: Lying
Obama's the most thoughtful-sounding president I can remember. He seems to be saying what he wants to say, and that is a great relief. He always sounds like he's thinking about what he's saying while he's saying it, and that's a rare thing in politicians.Collection: Thoughtful
People don't necessarily want or need to be done unto as you would have them do unto you. They want to be done unto as they want to be done unto.Collection: People
Any given generation gives the next generation advice that the given generation should have been given by the previous generation but now it's too late.Collection: Should Have
The North isn't a place. It's just a direction out of the South.Collection: South
Going to Vanderbilt did a lot of things for me, and one of the things it cured me of was the need to follow college football.Collection: Football
I do not Twitter. I don't want to Twitter, and I don't see any point in Twittering. The last thing I want to do is tell people what I'm doing at the moment because I'm probably not doing what I'm supposed to be doing.Collection: People
If a cat spoke, it would say things like, 'Hey, I don't see the problem here.'Collection: Cat
Certainly people have said a lot of deeply unfortunate and stupid things in Southern accents, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the accent itself.Collection: Stupid
A picture's worth a thousand words? A library card's worth millions.Collection: Library
Even intellectuals should have learned by now that objective rationality is not the default position of the human mind, much less the bedrock of human affairs.Collection: Should Have
In the beginning, Atlanta was without form, and void; and it still is.Collection: Atlanta
Cats have intercepted my footsteps at the ankle for so long that my gait, both at home and on tour, has been compared to that of a man wading through low surf.Collection: Home
Doctors and lawyers must go to school for years and years, often with little sleep and with great sacrifice to their first wives.Collection: Sleep
Ham's substantial, ham is fat. Ham is firm and sound. Ham's what God was getting at When He made pigs so round.Collection: Food
Many a person has been saved from summer alcoholism, not to mention hypertoxicity, by Dostoyevsky.Collection: Summer
The local groceries are all out of broccoli, loccoli.Collection: Groceries
A dog will make eye contact. A cat will, too, but a cat's eyes don't even look entirely warm-blooded to me, whereas a dog's eyes look human except less guarded. A dog will look at you as if to say, "What do you want me to do for you? I'll do anything for you." Whether a dog can in fact, do anything for you if you don't have sheep (I never have) is another matter. The dog is willing.Collection: Dog
The legendary yet factual Curtis Wilkie has been the right man in the right place at an uncanny number of extraordinary times.Collection: Men
I do not know what the cat can have eaten. Usually I know exactly what the cat has eaten. Not only have I fed it to the cat, at the cat's insistence, but the cat has thrown it up on the rug, and someone has tracked it all over onto the other rug. I do not know why cats are such habitual vomiters. They do not seem to enjoy it, judging by the sounds they make while they are doing it. It's their nature. A dog is going to bark. A cat is going to vomit.Collection: Dog
The first time I walked into a library, I got so excited I almost wet my pants.Collection: Library
Mozart combined high formality and playfulness that delights as no other composition in any other medium does.Collection: Doe
I think writer's block is simply the dread that you are going to write something horrible. But as a writer, I believe that if you sit down at the keys long enough, sooner or later something will come out.Collection: Block
Twiddle-twiddle away at my softly clicky keyboard for a while, making twiddly adjustments all along- and then print what I have twiddled. Glare at the printout and snarl and curse and scribble almost illegibly all over it with a ballpoint pen. Go back to the machine and enter the scribbles. Repeat this procedure until I hate the very meaning of every word I know.Collection: Hate
I think what's really hard is making sense and making what you write clear and smooth-flowing.Collection: Writing
It was easy to make fun of Bush, but it was sort of like shooting fish in a barrel and it didn't really feel all that good because it was so easy to do. I would much rather live under a thoughtful president. Even if it makes it harder to be funny about politics, it makes it more interesting to be funny about politics.Collection: Fun
I've never thought it was necessary to make fun of people - you can find fun in people without necessarily mocking them.Collection: Fun