George Ade
If it were not for the presents, an elopement would be preferable.Collection: Wedding
To insure peace of mind ignore the rules and regulations.Collection: Peace
The time to enjoy a European trip is about three weeks after unpacking.Collection: Travel
It is not time for mirth and laughter, the cold, gray dawn of the morning after.Collection: Morning
Anybody can win - unless there happens to be a second entry.
Only the more rugged mortals should attempt to keep up with current literature.
Nothing is improbable until it moves into past tense.
Do unto yourself as your neighbors do unto themselves and look pleasant.
One man's poison ivy is another man's spinach.
A good jolly is worth what you pay for it.
A friend who is near and dear may in time become as useless as a relative.
A man never feels more important than when he receives a telegram containing more than ten words.
In the city a funeral is just an interruption of traffic; in the country it is a form of popular entertainment.
After being Turned Down by numerous Publishers, he had decided to write for Posterity.
For parlor use, the vague generality is a life saver.
She was short on intellect, but long on shape.
Early to bed and early to rise is a bad rule for anyone who wishes to become acquainted with our most prominent and influential people.
If you have to be burned at the stake, be a good fellow and collect your own fire-wood.Collection: Fire
One cannot rest except after steady practice.Collection: Practice
Life is a series of relapses and recoveries.Collection: Recovery
Familiarity breeds contentment.Collection: Contentment
In uplifting, get underneath.Collection: Uplifting
Give the people what they think they want.Collection: Thinking
The serpent is helpless unless he finds an apple to work with.Collection: Apples
In scattering seeds of kindness, do it by hand and not by machine.Collection: Kindness
Every Man is the Architect of his own Fortunes, but the Neighbours superintend the Construction.Collection: Men
Those who have tried meekness know the importance of being important.Collection: Important
One smell of brimstone makes the whole world kin.Collection: Smell
When Wealth walks in at the Door, the Press Agent comes in through the Window.Collection: Doors
Nothing is Improbable until it moves into the Past Tense.Collection: Time
As the twig is bent the tree is inclined.Collection: Education
The shorter the hours, the larger the income. Don't get into the habit of putting in long hours or you may be set down into a permanent subordinate position.Collection: Long
A lot of smart young people have come out of Indiana. The smarter they are, the faster they come outCollection: Smart
Where ignorance is not bliss, get wise!Collection: Wise
If a man does not go about his work with enthusiasm, it means that he has not yet found a work that he likes. Every mortal is a busy bee when he comes to the task that Destiny has set aside for him.Collection: Work
The wealthy have nothing left except money.Collection: Wealth
A rolling stone gathers no moss and therefore will not be derided as a moss-back. Roll as much as possible.Collection: Moss
Adversity often hatches out the true nobility of character.Collection: Character
Early to bed and early to rise, and you'll meet very few of the best people.Collection: People
Those having the most time to devote to a line of endeavor usually become the most proficient.Collection: Lines
The music teacher came twice a week to bridge the awful gap between Dorothy and Chopin.Collection: Teacher
I am thoroughly tired of the fable style of narrative and shall do my best to get up something entirely different and possibly little more worthy.Collection: Tired
Never pretend to have money except when you are in straits. The poor man who pretends to have a bank account betters his credit and takes no risk. But the prosperous individual who counts his money in the street, forthwith will be invited to attend a charity bazaar.Collection: Money
The only city people are those born so.Collection: Cities
Only the more Rugged Mortals should attempt to Keep Up on Current Literature.Collection: Hygiene
The only literary men are those who have to work at it.Collection: Men
Always interline a contract before signing it, merely to impress the Party of the First Part. The one who puts his signature to Articles of Agreement drawn up by the other fellow is establishing a dangerous precedent.Collection: Party
Too many trained nurses discommode Cupid.Collection: Nurse
Mark Twain said (particularly about Pink Marsh): "I have been reading him again, and my admiration overflows all limits. ... How effortless the limning! It is as if the work did itself, without help of the master's hand."Collection: Work
A good musical comedy consists largely of disorderly conduct occassionally interrupted by talk.Collection: Art