Dean Martin
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.Collection: Morning
I'd hate to be a teetotaler. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that's as good as you're going to feel all day.Collection: Morning
If you drink don't drive. Don't even putt.Collection: Sports
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
I once shook hands with Pat Boone and my whole right side sobered up.
I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello', 'goodbye', and 'I'm pregnant'.
There's a statue of Jimmy Stewart in the Hollywood Wax Museum, and the statue talks better than he does.
I was so drunk last night I fell down and missed the floor.Collection: Drinking
When your opponent's sittin' there holdin' all the aces, there's only one thing to do: kick over the table.Collection: Gambling
If this is just the beginning, my life's gonna be beautiful.Collection: Beautiful
When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine, that's amore.Collection: Wine
The whole world is drunk and we're just the cocktail of the moment. Someday soon, the world will wake up, down two aspirin with a glass of tomato juice, and wonder what the hell all the fuss was about.Collection: Beer
I don't drink anymore... I freeze it and eat it like a popsicle.Collection: Vices
In a tuxedo, I'm a star. In regular clothes, I'm a nobody.Collection: Stars
I once shook hands with Pat Boone, and my whole right side sobered up!Collection: Drinking
The world is the same you never change it, as sure as the stars shine above. Well, you're nobody til somebody loves you, so find yourself somebody to love.Collection: Stars
Everybody makes mistakes; look at Hitler.Collection: Mistake
It was a woman who drove me to drink. Come to think of it, I never did hang around to thank her for that. 'Hey lady! Do I look all blurry to you? 'Cause you look blurry to me!'Collection: Thinking
Somewhere there's a someone for me. Though I may be lonely now, I'll see it through somehow, to somebody's heart I know I hold the key.Collection: Lonely
Love is a flower that blooms so tender, each kiss a dew drop of sweet surrender. Love is a moment of life enchanting, let's take that moment that tonight is granting.Collection: Romantic
Milton Berle is an inspiration to every young person that wants to get into show business. Hard work, perseverance, and discipline: all the things you need...when you have no talent.Collection: Perseverance
Your lips and mine, two sips of wine, memories are made of this.Collection: Romantic
I've got seven kids. The three words you hear most around my house are 'hello,' 'goodbye,' and 'I'm pregnant.'Collection: Funny
The thing I notice first about a woman is her walk. A beautiful woman is like a race horse-slim, sleek and with a beautiful carriage.Collection: Beautiful
Everybody Loves Somebody Sometime.Collection: Tombstone
With his blessings from above, serve it generously with love. One man, one wife, one love, through life.Collection: Men
If people want to think I get drunk and stay out all night, let'em. That's how I got here, you know.Collection: Night
Your love made it all worth waiting for some like you.Collection: Romantic
When Jerry Lewis and I were big, we used to go to parties, and everybody thought I was big-headed and stuck up, and I wasn't. It was because I didn't know how to speak good English, so I used to keep my mouth shut.Collection: Party
In order to share intimate feelings, you have to have intimate feelings.Collection: Order
The reason I drink is because when I'm sober I think I'm Eddie Fisher.Collection: Thinking
Brother, you can't go to jail for what you're thinking, or that look in your eye, just standing on the corner watching all the girls go by.Collection: Girl
Motivation is a lotta crap.Collection: Motivation
Return to me, for my heart wants you only. Hurry home, hurry home, won't you please hurry home to my heart.Collection: Romantic
I know it's the gentlemanly thing to let the wife file. But, then, everybody knows I'm no gentleman.Collection: Wife
Johnny Carson is a comedian who is seen every night in millions of bedrooms all over America...and that's why his last wife left him.Collection: Night
We try to find chemistry; we don't do a lot of situational baseball.Collection: Baseball
I take the juice of two bottles of whisky.Collection: Two
Haven't got a girl, but I can wish. So I'll take me down to Main Street and that's where I'll select my imaginary dish.Collection: Girl