Al Murray
I'm not an alcoholic, I am freedom fighter against the teetotal taliban.Collection: Fighter
The American dream? We don't have a dream in Britain because we're bloody awake!Collection: Dream
It's a weight problem isn't it; you can't wait for lunch.Collection: Lunch
We need a war every 10 years, so we can stay match fit in case the Germans try again.Collection: War
Louis Pasteur, the great scientist, said "chance favours the prepared mind", which is a posh way of saying 'do your homework', but it's an excellent piece of advice.Collection: Advice
My mum had a cousin that had played when he was younger. When I showed an interest in drumming, he showed me how to mummy-daddy roll and that set me up for a bit. And to be honest, it's all about the sound, the noise, the rattle and hum. Who wouldn't want to make a fantastic noise with drums and cymbals?!Collection: Cousin
You can leave a kid alone and it will learn to fend for itself, how to work the remote, a tin opener, and the microwave. I see the holidays as a chance for kids to learn self-sufficiency.Collection: Holiday
In the world of comedy, there's this: "If it's going badly, get off. If it's going well, get off". You can't argue with that either.Collection: World
Our cheeky sidekick. We're like a motorcycle and sidecar.Collection: America
PimpCo is a little business I've got, which basically offers drummers the affordable opportunity to make their drums that little bit more bespoke. I love drums and love how they look, so we offer re-wrapping to reboot your old kit, a hardware lacquering service - the black looks amazing, and bespoke snare drums.Collection: Opportunity
Thanks to the internet, I buy lots of music, but thanks to my easily distracted nature, I forget about half of it!Collection: Thanks
Things inspiring me - good melody, a great bass line, a fabulous voice... by which I mean someone who sounds great, rather than does pyrotechnics... and people playing really musically. Music is endlessly fascinating.Collection: Mean
Actually, when you're doing something you love, even when you're busy and it's hectic you don't feel the need to relax. I never used to take holidays and it would upset ex-wives and girlfriends, but working has me in a better mood than doing nothing.Collection: Girlfriend
I'm a natural born show off. I love performing, and at school we had a really good music scene and an even better drama scene. When I got to university, I played in bands and did sketch stuff and it was always about coming up with material, which is why I never really practised and have no chops!! When I left uni, I carried on playing and trying out at stand-up.Collection: Drama
I love playing. In lots of ways, I think having been able to carry on playing purely out of love rather than having to do it for a living means I still love the drums. It helps that, if I don't want to play, I don't really have to! I'm not the best drummer in the world, but it's something I love and enjoy, and that sounds like a good trade.Collection: Mean
I read a lot. I spend of lot time thinking. It actually looks like I'm doing nothing, but... hanging out with clever and interesting people is a must if you're writing comedy, like hanging out with a good bass player when you're a drummer.Collection: Clever
The thing that interests me far more than anything is creating music, songwriting and arranging, and in that context drumming itself is a means to an end. I think it's really easy to forget that - I'd sooner play something musical than flash, and as I can't play anything flash, I try to be musical. Drums can set a mood, create an impression, as much as anything else.Collection: Mean
Seriously, if you want to get inside the head of a stand-up comic, you could do a lot worse than reading Steve Martin's Born Standing Up, all about how he developed his career and his creativity as a comedian. Lots of what he talks about is relevant to anyone in the creative arts - you find yourself, your voice, your technique and then maybe luck calls.Collection: Art