Wendy Liebman
I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.Collection: Dating
Is there a doctor in the house? My parents want me to marry you.Collection: Dating
When I want to make someone laugh in real life (as opposed to when I'm on stage where I tell one-liners), I tend to do prop comedy. For example, if I'm at the supermarket with my husband, I might put 16 bags of marshmallows in our cart when he's not looking, or if I'm trying to make a kid smile, I'll put my glasses on crooked.Collection: Smile
My husband and I had recently been in a car accident, and I came out of that experience with more clarity about my career and the energy to continue to pursue it hard, no matter what the challenges.Collection: Car
I took an acting class. After the first day, the teacher quit, so they said take another. When I saw 'How to be a Stand-up Comedian,' it resonated. I realized I'd rather make 200 people laugh than make one person cry.Collection: Teacher
My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.Collection: Mom
My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.Collection: Money
Most of my childhood is a big blur, 'cause I needed better glasses.
I think it's never too late to start anything, except maybe being a ballerina.
I used to write jokes with friends. We'd pick a topic and then think out loud, brainstorm.
A couple of weeks ago, I did karaoke and got nervous in a way I hadn't gotten nervous in 25 years. I'm so used to getting on stage in front of strangers to tell jokes, but singing is a whole different animal.
My sister and I had a lemonade stand - with a two-drink minimum.
At one point, I wrote 20 jokes a day, and I had a commitment to send them to the same three people. Now, I just write down what my husband says in his sleep. He's the funniest person, even unconscious.
People always come up to me and say that my smoking is bothering them... Well, it's killing me!
I don't think I was funny until college. I lived with some Harvard MD/PhD students - they were so smart, and what I contributed to the house was, I was the funny one.
I think there have always been funny women, from Carol Burnett to Joan Rivers. When the audience sees a woman, they innately know she's worked twice as hard to get there, she's had to prove that she can be the leader, first, and then be funny on top of it. She has to emit a confidence that she's in control.
I've been pitching a show of five female stand-up comedians through the generations, from Phyllis Diller to Amy Schumer, so when I got an e-mail asking me if I would participate in the Women in Comedy Festival, I was thrilled.
People ask me if they can send me material, and some people give or send it to me unsolicited, but I rarely buy jokes.
The audience loves when the comedian talks to them. You're creating inside jokes, which creates a community.
My parents used to bring me to Radio City when I was a little girl, so performing there 50 years later was absolutely surreal - especially with my parents in the audience!
Just figuring it out for 30 years - 30 years... I think I'm ready now to expand - to grow.
I would love to do a sitcom. I see myself as an older woman, getting married, and her stepchildren, who are in their twenties, move back home.
I love being a housewife... I love doing laundry. Except I have a little bit of separation anxiety, and you have to separate your laundry, so I have a little bit of a problem there.
I spend a lot of time on Facebook and Twitter writing all day long because I feel it's my job to entertain people.
I want to be more myself. Sometimes it takes awhile to find your voice.
I go running when I have to. When the ice cream truck is doing sixty.Collection: Running
My husband wanted one of those big-screen TVs for his birthday. So I just moved his chair closer to the one we have already.Collection: Funny
I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool. I didn't want to go, because I've put on like a hundred pounds.Collection: Psychics
The only way to really have safe sex is to abstain. From drinking.Collection: Sex
I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because the water is cold in there. And I'm like: How did my mother know that?Collection: Mother
I'm going to get married again because I'm more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.Collection: Funny Marriage
I just got my first bikini. It's a three-piece: a top, a botton, and a blindfold for you.Collection: Clothes
I don't like to channel surf. You guys like it, don't you. You guys like to change the channel. We like to change you.Collection: Funny
I get my sense of humor from my parents. That's why they don't have one anymore.Collection: Parent
In addition to comedy, I'm a writer. I write checks. They're not very good.Collection: Writing
People always come up to me and say that my smoking is bothering them....well it's killing me!Collection: Marijuana