Tig Notaro
People ask what my influences are, and for me, it's not always obvious. One of my biggest inspirations was Chrissie Hynde from the Pretenders. That's based on how she just does whatever she wants to do, and I love her attitude about everything. It bleeds over into my way of thinking and comedy.
I knew there was no Santa when I was, like, 5.
It is that bizarre thing. If I had kids, I, of course, would tell them there's Santa, but it's also just an odd feeling to be blatantly lying to kids.
When you first start out in stand-up and, probably, as any performer, you enjoy the attention so much, and even though that hasn't died down on stage, it certainly has satiated whatever was in me that was needing that much attention. When I'm off stage, it's not something that I really need.
If I'm caught off guard or I'm not in a great mood, or if I'm feeling down or if I'm in my head and somebody comes up to me and I can't match the energy, I just have to think, 'Well, I did my job, which was to do the show or release the album or be in the TV show or write the joke. Beyond that, it's kind of a hit or miss what happens between us.'
Sometimes I get a little exhausted by shows or movies that are constantly throwing famous people on. And I find it so much more exciting to not have that when I'm watching something. I think it allows you to get more lost in something and also to bring more attention to more unknown or less recognizable people.
When I'm not touring, I really don't leave the house.
Not 100 percent of the time, but I feel like I'm good at being direct. I know what I want, and I feel like I can tell people, 'I want this; I don't want this. I want you; I don't want you. I hope for this, and this is right, and this is wrong for me.'
Maybe almost 20 years ago, I was like, 'God, I need to be more direct.' And I found times that I could practice it when it was maybe not my family or friends or co-workers. It's a quality that's rarely disliked.
I don't ever assume that people are going to love or appreciate what I do. It would be great. I don't assume that they're not going to. I just am like, 'I'm going to do my absolute best at everything I do, and I'm going to put it out with pride and hope people enjoy it.'
Stephanie and I got married publicly on the beach, in front of friends and family, and the local police shut down the highway for us to cross the street back to my cousin's house. Cars backed up for miles, and everybody in town cheered.
It's not the child's responsibility to teach the parent who they are. It's the parent's responsibility to learn who the child is.Collection: Children
I think every person and place is interesting, and there's an interesting story behind every door.Collection: Thinking
I really wanted to, but I just didn't understand how people became comedians. I kind of thought it was something you were born into. And so I wanted to be a veterinarian or an architect. I wanted to be in a band, and for some reason I could understand how you could be in a band because I had guitars and all my friends played music. Comedy was a secret want, but it wasn't anything I pursued.Collection: Guitar
Everything's happened to me. Nothing can happen to me now.Collection: Happened
I'm the luckiest unlucky person.Collection: Unlucky
I hold back parts of my life and experiences... I don't want to share anything just for the sake of sharing and exposing myself, but if something feels right and I feel inspired by the situations or moment I'll definitely share it. There are so many stories and experiences I have not shared, and I don't feel compelled to.Collection: Inspired
When anything huge happens to me, I always think, this isn't my moment, this is a moment.Collection: Graduation
I start crying when certain things come up, certain memories, certain feelings, and it's intense. But I think it's good for me - and therapeutic.Collection: Memories
I'm now a pretty good mix of my mother and my stepfather because I'm in general pretty mellow. I'm not hyper-emotional. But there's also this side of me - my mother was an artist and very funny and a dancer and very wild and into fashion. My stepfather traveled a lot, and I kind of took on a role of parenting my mother a lot of times, because she was pretty hard to handle. A bit of a pistol.Collection: Mother
As soon as I say I'm from Texas people say, "Oh, I'm sure the school was horrible" and they picture me wearing some barrel and suspenders and people are bucktoothed and ignoring me. But that's not the case. I just had zero interest. I wanted to finish my research in the woods or play guitar or go have a cigarette.Collection: Zero
I didn't just want to be the one who was always looking around at the weird family members. I wanted to make my mistakes.Collection: Mistake
My age makes all my wrinkles and gray hair make sense.Collection: Wrinkles
When I couldn't get ahold of cigarettes, I'd roll coffee grounds into typing paper and smoke that and then vomit.Collection: Coffee
I was really into music. I started playing guitar also when I was nine. I wanted to be in the Beatles, even though John Lennon died the year I got a guitar and the Beatles broke up before I was born.Collection: Guitar
I love drama - I would say more than I even love comedy - but I like in One Mississippi that I can go from a very moving moment to a Willy Wonka tube up my ass. I like the silliness as much as I like drama.Collection: Drama
I was talking and playing pranks and skipping school, failing pretty much every class I took.Collection: School
I'm always going to do whatever I think is funniest. If something's dark, I'll do it. If it's a sock puppet, if it's a stool, I'll do it.Collection: Dark
When I announced I had cancer on stage, it was my brain leaping to that insane moment of, "There's no way I could start a show saying, 'Hi, I have cancer!'" And also for me to have these scars, and then think, "Oh my gosh, what if I did stand-up and not even acknowledge that my shirt was off, or that I have scars.Collection: Cancer
I can't believe I'm breathing and happy and thriving.Collection: Believe
Everybody, male or female, needs to possess qualities that they expect others to uphold. Being aware of yourself and your actions allows you to assess your shortcomings in an honest way.Collection: Quality
I didn't know whether I'd be attractive to anybody.Collection: Attractive
In chaotic situations, I feel like I can take a breath and look around and assess the situation and see the big picture. Going through the traumatic time that I did in my life, that's also given me even more of a breather in life to just be like, "I know everything's going to be fine. Even if this is the worst show in the world, no matter what happens, everything's going to be fine." It's an accumulation of things.Collection: World
I am just at tragedy right now.Collection: Tragedy
I always wonder, aside from even my name, what if my parents never split up? What if my mother never died? It swirls in my head all the time.Collection: Mother
I didn't have an interest in school at all and was getting in trouble all the time.Collection: School
There's something a lot more self-conscious feeling when there's cameras coming in for close-ups. It makes you very aware.Collection: Self
When I got sick, it threw everything off course.Collection: Sick
In movies, you just see somebody close their eyes, and you go on to the next scene.Collection: Eye
I talk about airplanes and things like that while my scars are on clear view.Collection: Airplane
I think my brain just has a natural way of going to what would be the most insane thing, the least likely option.Collection: Thinking
I didn't know what my fate was as far as being alive.Collection: Fate
I can't imagine just dusting my pants off and going about my life like, "Phew! I sure made it through a tough spot, now where am I headed?" I feel more of an obligation to be helpful.Collection: Tough
In standup, you don't have anything near you except a microphone.Collection: Microphones
I worked at restaurants and coffee shops and babysitting and just whatever I could do to make money.Collection: Coffee
A lot of times people will have after-parties or try and host an event for comedians, and they misunderstand us. They think it should be wild and crazy, or loud music, and comedians are typically pretty mellow people that just want to talk to each other. I think it would be highly unusual to find comedians who want to be at a loud, crowded party.Collection: Crazy