Susan Cain
Most people who have grown up introverted in this very extroverted culture of ours have had painful experiences of feeling like they are out of step with what's expected of them. Parenting can pose unique challenges for introverted parents, who fear that their own painful experiences will be repeated in their children's lives.Collection: Parenting
In most job interviews, people say they are looking for people skills and emotional intelligence. That's reasonable, but the question is, how do you define what that looks like?Collection: Intelligence
Shyness is about the fear of social judgments - at a job interview or a party you might be excessively worried about what people think of you. Whereas an introvert might not feel any of those things at all, they simply have the preference to be in a quieter setting.Collection: Fear
The bias against introversion leads to a colossal waste of talent, energy, and happiness.Collection: Happiness
We need to do teacher training to educate them about what temperament means. Shyness is painful and you want to help a child with shyness - but the underlying temperament of being a careful, sensitive person is to be honoured, valued and respected.Collection: Teacher
A widely held, but rarely articulated, belief in our society is that the ideal self is bold, alpha, gregarious. Introversion is viewed somewhere between disappointment and pathology.Collection: Society
To some extent, we've always had an admiration for extroversion in our culture. But the extrovert ideal really came to play at the turn of the 20th century when we had the rise of big business.Collection: Business
I prefer listening to talking, reading to socializing, and cozy chats to group settings.
In our society, the ideal self is bold, gregarious, and comfortable in the spotlight. We like to think that we value individuality, but mostly we admire the type of individual who's comfortable 'putting himself out there.'
I think the shyness one feels in childhood is often overcome with time. There are children who hide behind their parents' legs, but you don't see grown-ups hiding behind people. It just doesn't happen. I mean, not that often. People develop social skills over time.
Even when the attention focused on me is positive, I am uncomfortable being looked at by a lot of people - it's just not my natural state of being.
Opposites attract, and I think temperament is so fundamental that you end up craving someone of the opposite temperament to complete you.
Any time people come together in a meeting, we're not necessarily getting the best ideas; we're just getting the ideas of the best talkers.
Many people believe that introversion is about being antisocial, and that's really a misperception. Because actually it's just that introverts are differently social. So they would prefer to have a glass of wine with a close friend as opposed to going to a loud party full of strangers.
Many introverts feel there's something wrong with them, and try to pass as extroverts. But whenever you try to pass as something you're not, you lose a part of yourself along the way. You especially lose a sense of how to spend your time.
I've wanted to be a writer since I was four years old!
You can't pick up a business magazine ever without seeing the word 'collaborate' splashed all over it. I think people are probably feeling assaulted by the need to always be on and always be interacting.
I actually find extroversion to be a really appealing personality style.
I get a lot of letters from introverts asking how they can meet people. The key is to make sure that you are doing things you enjoy.
Your tendency to be inward-directed or outward-directed is huge; it governs every part of the way you live and work and love.
In a way, education by its nature favours the extrovert because you are taking kids and putting them into a big classroom, which is automatically going to be a high-stimulation environment. Probably the best way of teaching in general is one on one, but that's not something everyone can afford.
Men are more likely to be introverted than women are, but it's really very slight. But the real difference I think is in how it plays out, how it relates to cultural stereotypes.
What's interesting is relative levels of introversion tend to stay the same. If you went back to your reunion from school, you would probably find that if you ranked everyone in your class into terms of levels of introversion and extroversion you'd still be the same rank.
Shyness is inherently uncomfortable; introversion is not. The traits do overlap, though psychologists debate to what degree.
It's never a good idea to organize society in a way that depletes the energy of half the population. We discovered this with women decades ago, and now it's time to realize it with introverts.
It's important for a parent to learn to take delight in a child whose behavior might seem mystifying. In the case of an extroverted parent with an introverted child, it can be learning to see the inner riches of your child that may not always be expressed on the surface - but are there.
As a parent, if give yourself what you need, your children will watch you doing that and will give themselves what they need.
Originally, technology was pretty clearly on the side of introversion. It allowed introverts to connect with people, to express their ideas in a less stimulating way: you're sitting alone behind a computer. But I'm starting to think that the pressure to self-present constantly online is becoming so extreme.
I've never given a speech without being terrified first.
I'm insatiably curious about human nature.
I use a lot of old-fashioned expressions.
One thing I'm hearing a lot is from teachers who have felt that there's something wrong with the extreme group learning, but felt like they couldn't say that out loud. And apparently the discussion is now opening up. I think change is going to be a long time coming.
All personality traits have their good side and their bad side. But for a long time, we've seen introversion only through its negative side and extroversion mostly through its positive side.
I'm not saying abolish group work - I think there's a time and a place for people to come together and exchange ideas, but let's restore the respect we once had for solitude. And we need to be much more mindful of the way we come together.
Some introverts are perfectly comfortable with public speaking; I'm not one of them.
I'm continually amazed by how many people who appear to be extroverts are actually introverts.
I'm insatiably curious about human nature. I feel very lucky that as a writer I get to learn so much about it just to do my job right.
You will find this hard to believe, but I've never laughed as much as I did when I was a corporate lawyer. When you're working 16 hours a day for months at a time, you get punchy. Everything and everyone seems hilarious.
There's zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas.Collection: Volleyball
Figure out what you are meant to contribute to the world and make sure you contribute itCollection: World
So stay true to your own nature. If you like to do things in a slow and steady way, don't let others make you feel as if you have to race. If you enjoy depth, don't force yourself to seek breadth. If you prefer single-tasking to multi-tasking, stick to your guns. Being relatively unmoved by rewards gives you the incalculable power to go your own way.Collection: Gun
Everyone shines, given the right lighting.Collection: Shining
The secret to life is to put yourself in the right lighting.Collection: Secret
Don't think of introversion as something that needs to be cured.Collection: Thinking
The secret to life is to put yourself in the right lighting. For some, it's a Broadway spotlight; for others, a lamplit desk. Use your natural powers -- of persistence, concentration, and insight -- to do work you love and work that matters. Solve problems. make art, think deeply.Collection: Art
Shyness is the fear of social disapproval or humiliation, while introversion is a preference for environments that are not overstimulating. Shyness is inherently painful; introversion is not.Collection: Environment
Our culture is biased against quiet and reserved people, but introverts are responsible for some of humanity's greatest achievements.Collection: People
Introverts prefer to work independently, and solitude can be a catalyst to innovation.Collection: Solitude
Introversion- along with its cousins sensitivity, seriousness, and shyness- is now a second-class personality trait, somewhere between a disappointment and a pathology. Introverts living in the Extrovert Ideal are like women in a man's world, discounted because of a trait that goes to the core of who they are. Extroversion is an enormously appealing personality style, but we've turned it into an oppressive standard to which most of us feel we must conform.Collection: Cousin
We don't need giant personalities to transform companies. We need leaders who build not their own egos but the institutions they run.Collection: Running